Carol was busy picking up toys. “It’s time I went home,” she murmured.
“You just got here,” Cathy protested.
“I know…it’s just that…” She glanced at Cecilia, as if to say that now Cathy’s other friend had arrived, she was obviously less welcome.
Ever sensitive, Cathy shook her head. “I hope you’ll forgive me for being so rude, but I needed to tell Cecilia something. I didn’t mean to exclude you.”
“I understand,” Carol said. She reached for Amanda, who eluded her mother’s arms and waddled toward Cecilia. The baby stumbled and Cecilia instinctively thrust out her arms. Drooling as she smiled, Amanda gazed up at Cecilia, her eyes wide with interest. Cecilia froze, unable to stop looking at the baby girl who in other circumstances might have been her own.
Little Amanda returned her look, then smiled and raised her arms, wanting Cecilia to pick her up.
The decision was automatic. Cecilia leaned over and lifted the child. Then Amanda, as though she understood the significance of the moment, wrapped both chubby arms around Cecilia’s neck. Cecilia knew she was being fanciful, but she felt that this child, this year-old baby, recognized all the love stored in her heart for Allison. The daughter she’d never hold again, or sing to, or kiss good-night.
Cathy and Carol paused for breathless seconds, watching Cecilia’s reaction to Amanda.
Tenderly Cecilia brushed the wispy hair from the child’s forehead, kissed her there, then set her back on the floor, where Amanda teetered, recovered herself and walked unsteadily to her mother’s side.
“Carol, I’m going to tell you, too,” Cathy said. “I…you know I recently quit working. Well, there’s a reason for that. I’m pregnant.”
Carol’s eyes lit up. “That’s great!” Her smile faded when she realized that neither Cathy nor Cecilia seemed completely delighted. “What’s wrong?” she asked, glancing from one to the other. “Aren’t you happy?”
Cathy was quick to assure Carol she was pleased. “It’s just that I miscarried the first two pregnancies, and I’m scared to death.”
“I would be, too.” Carol handed Amanda the soda cracker; the little girl was content to sit on the floor, gnawing it. “I’m so sorry, Cathy. I can’t even imagine…” She turned to Cecilia. “Weren’t you in the hospital about the same time as me?” Carol asked.
Cecilia nodded. “My little girl was named Allison.”
“I remember. I always wanted to tell you how bad I felt, but you…well, you didn’t seem to want to talk to anyone.”
“I regret that now,” she said. “I could’ve used a friend.”
“I could use one myself,” Carol said.
The military might have its heroes, but the wives were the backbone of the Navy, Cecilia reflected. These women—and she was now one of them—supported their husbands, their country and each other.
“I don’t know how this pregnancy will go,” Cathy told them, “but I do know that Andrew and I will be able to deal with it, no matter what happens.”
No matter what happens, Cecilia mused. If her friend could be this brave, then she could, too.
Hurry home, Ian, she prayed. Please be safe and hurry home.
Sixteen
If not for Olivia, Grace would’ve dropped out of the Wednesday-evening aerobics class ages ago. But since Dan’s disappearance, she’d found that working out was a great stress-reliever. Never had she sweated so much or breathed so hard. Every movement was done with enthusiasm and energy. Before, she’d always been the one who lagged behind; now she led the class.
“Keeping up with you is going to kill me,” Olivia complained as she followed Grace into the shower room. “What’s gotten into you lately?”
As if Olivia didn’t know. “You have to ask?”
“Well, yes, I understand you’re upset about Dan.”
“That’s not the half of it.”
Olivia wiped her face with a hand towel. “Have you had dinner yet?”
Grace shook her head. With only herself to cook for, it was easier to toss a frozen entrée into the microwave. Wednesdays she generally skipped dinner altogether. By the time she got home from aerobics, she was too tired to eat.
“Not yet.”
“Want to meet at the Pancake Palace?” Olivia suggested.
Grace wasn’t hungry, but it beat walking into an empty house. “Sure.”
She took her time showering and changing into her street clothes. She hadn’t done more than chat with her friend in several weeks, and she was looking forward to a real conversation. Sure, they saw each other, but there was rarely an opportunity to say more than a few words in passing.
Olivia had already secured the booth when Grace arrived. She slid in across from her and reached for the menu tucked, as always, behind the napkin canister.
“Wasn’t this our booth back in high school?” Olivia asked.
Grace had to think about that. Was it? “I don’t remember, but it might be.”
“Remember how Kenny Thomas broke up with me right here in the Pancake Palace?” Olivia reminded her.
“The rat fink.”
Their eyes met and they smiled, chasing memories. But Grace’s amusement faded as she recalled how often she’d met Dan here during their high-school days. How different her life might have been if he’d broken up with her, or she’d had the courage to return his high-school ring. Even then, while she was still a teenager, Grace had sensed that they didn’t bring out the best in each other. Deep down, Dan had known it, too. Then, just before graduation, Grace had discovered she was pregnant. Dan had wanted to marry her and she’d managed to convince herself it was the right thing to do.
“Kelly and I met here for dinner not long ago,” Grace told her, breaking off her thoughts before she fell into the abyss of self-pity. It was the night Kelly had persuaded her not to file for divorce. She’d promised to wait until after the baby was born, but she’d regretted that decision ever since.
“I envy your relationship with your daughters,” Olivia admitted.
“Aren’t you and Justine getting along?”
Olivia gave a slight shrug. “We don’t argue, if that’s what you mean, but we don’t talk openly. I heard through the grapevine that Warren’s asked her to marry him, but she hasn’t even mentioned his proposal to me.”
“Maybe she knows what you’ll say.”
Olivia’s eyes turned thoughtful. “I’ve vowed not to be negative, but it isn’t easy.”
One thing Dan’s disappearance had done was bring Grace closer to her daughters. They talked at least once a day, mostly to encourage and support each other. After the latest episode, they’d decided they could no longer bear not knowing where Dan was. The girls were willing to help with the expense of the private investigator; they felt as desperate for answers as Grace did.
“I hired Roy McAfee again last week.” Grace had talked to him soon after Dan’s disappearance, and decided after his initial investigation that she couldn’t afford his services anymore. As the weeks crept by, she’d come to understand that neither she nor the girls could afford not to hire him. They had to know what had happened to her husband, and there seemed to be no other way. “The frustration is driving me insane.”
“Do the girls approve?”
Grace nodded. “They’re the ones who talked me into it. They want answers as badly as I do. Badly enough to help foot the bill.” Hiring a private detective was expensive, but as Maryellen had said—only half joking—the medical bills for a nervous breakdown would be far higher.
Something inside Grace had snapped the night she cleared out Dan’s closet. She should probably have checked herself into a psychiatric ward. She’d reached her limit, and her daughters had immediately recognized it even if she hadn’t.
“What did Roy say?”
“I gave him what information I could, and he promised to get back to me.”
“Did you tell him about your suspicions?”
Grace sighed and picked up her fork, squinting at the water spots. “He didn’t agree or disagree with me. But I have faith that if there’s another woman, he’ll find out who it is.”
“And,” Olivia said, leaning forward, “what proof were you able to give him?”
“Not a damn thing.” Grace had searched through everything Dan owned and come away all the more confused. How careful he’d been, how clever. Not a shred of evidence remained—at least, nothing tangible she could hand over to Roy.
“But gut instinct tells you there’s someone else?”
She nodded slowly. “As I think back, I see more and more clues.”
“Such as?”
“You know Dan. He didn’t care much about appearances, but recently I started remembering little things about the first time he went missing.”
“Like what?”
“That morning was the same as always, but I realized later that he’d combed his hair and shaved. Dan usually shaved at night. He altered his routine that day.”
“He was meeting her?”
“That’s my guess.”
“What about this time?”
Grace had reviewed their last morning together a hundred times or more. “I can’t remember exactly, but I think so.” What she did recall was the faint scent of his aftershave as he collected his lunch bucket from the counter and headed out the door.
“I remember a year ago I asked him if he felt guilty about something because he was acting kind of…furtive.” That incident had played back in her mind, too. Dan had shot her a stricken look as though she’d caught him red-handed. Naturally he’d denied everything, and because she’d wanted to believe him, she had.
“Have you heard anything from Roy yet?”
Grace wadded up the paper napkin in her fist. “He phoned this afternoon.”
“And?” Olivia’s eyes widened with anticipation.
“Nothing. He said that if Dan does have another job, he’s not using his social security number.”
“What about the woman? Did Roy give you any ideas on who it might be?”
“No. He’s asked around, put out feelers in Seattle and beyond, but he hasn’t come up with a single lead. Whoever it is, I suspect they’ve been meeting for years. She probably got tired of Dan’s inability to make a decision and told him it was either her or me.” Although Grace spoke without emotion, plenty of it churned inside her. It had become more and more apparent that Dan had been under pressure. He wasn’t by nature a cruel man, although at times he was capable of saying and doing cruel things. Whoever this woman was, Dan must have loved her very much.
“It’s like he disappeared off the face of the earth.”
“I know.” Grace stared down at the table. “All I want is an answer,” she whispered. “I know it might be hard to believe, especially after everything he’s put us through, but I want Dan to be happy.” She’d never been able to fill the emptiness inside him. It’d been worse after Vietnam. Then Kelly had been born, and it was as though this second daughter had renewed his purpose. For a few years they’d been happy. Dan had encouraged Grace to get a college education, and was an invaluable asset with the girls. They’d been a team, a family. Now he was gone.
