"Get up," I mutter, standing there. "Get up."
"Why can't we be together?" he sobs, pounding his fist on the floor.
"Because I... don't" - I look around the store quickly to make sure no one is listening; he reaches for my knee, I brush his hand away - "find you... sexually attractive," I whisper loudly, staring down at him. "I can't believe I actually said that," I mumble to myself, to no one, and then shake my head, trying to clear it, things reaching a level of confusion that I'm incapable of registering. I tell Luis, "Leave me alone, please," and I start to walk away.
Unable to grasp this request, Luis grabs at the hem of my Armani silk-cloth trench coat and, still lying on the floor, cries out, "Please, Patrick,please don't leave me."
"Listen to me," I tell him, kneeling down, trying to haul Luis up off the floor. But this causes him to shout out something garbled, which turns into a wail that rises and reaches a crescendo that catches the attention of a Barney's security guard standing by the store's front entrance, who starts making his way over.
"Look what you've done," I whisper desperately. "Get up. Get up."
"Is everything okay?" The security guard, a big black guy, is looking down at us.
"Yes, thank you," I say, glaring at Luis. "Everything's fine."
"No-o-o-o," Luis wails, racked with sobs.
"Yes," I reiterate, looking up at the guard.
"You sure?" the guard asks.
Smiling professionally, I tell him, "Please just give us a minute. We need some privacy." I turn back to Luis. "Now come on, Luis. Get up. You're slobbering." I look back up at the security guard and mouth, holding up a hand, while nodding, "Just a minute, please."
The security guard nods unsurely and moves hesitantly back to his post.
Still kneeling, I grab Luis by his heaving shoulders and calmly tell him, my voice lowered, as threatening as possible, as if speaking to a child about to be punished, "Listen to me, Luis. If you do not stop crying, you f**king pathetic faggot, I am going to slit your f**king throat. Are you listening to me?" I slap him lightly on the face a couple of times. "I can't be more emphatic."
"Oh just kill me," he wails, his eyes closed, nodding his head back and forth, retreating further into incoherence; then he blubbers, "If I can't have you, I don't want to live. I want to die."
My sanity is in danger of fading, right here in Barney's, and I grab Luis by the collar, scrunching it up in my fist, and pulling his face very close to mine, I whisper, under my breath, "Listen to me, Luis. Are you listening to me? I usually don't warn people, Luis. So-be-thankful-I-am-warning-you."
His rationality shot to hell, making guttural noises, his head bent down shamefully, he offers a response that's barely audible. I grab his hair - it's stiff with mousse; I recognize the scent as Cactus, a new brand - and yanking his head up, snarling, I spit out, "Listen, you want to die? I'll do it, Luis. I've done it before and I will f**king gut you, rip your f**king stomach open and cram your intestines down your f**king faggot throat until you choke on them."
He's not listening. Still on my haunches, I just stare at him in disbelief.
"Please, Patrick, please. Listen to me, I've figured it all out. I'm quitting P & P, you can too, and, and, and we'll relocate to Arizona, and then - "
"Shut up, Luis." I shake him. "Oh my god, just shut up." I quickly stand, brushing myself off, and when I think his outburst has subsided and I'm able to walk away, Luis grabs at my right ankle and tries to hang on as I'm leaving Barney's and I end up dragging him along for six feet before I have to kick him in the face, while smiling helplessly at a couple who are browsing near the sock department. Luis looks up at me, imploring, the beginnings of a small gash forming on his left cheek. The couple move away.
"I love you," he miserably wails. "I love you."
"I'm convinced, Luis," I shout at him. "You've convinced me. Now get up."
Luckily, a salesperson, alarmed by the scene Luis has made, intervenes and helps him up.
A few minutes later, after he's sufficiently calmed down, the two of us are standing just inside Barney's main entrance. He has a handkerchief in one hand, his eyes are shut tightly, a bruise slowly forms, swelling beneath his left eye. He seems composed.
"Just, you know, have the guts to face, uh, reality," I tell him.
Anguished, he stares out the revolving doors at the warm falling rain and then, with a mournful sigh, turns to me. I'm looking at the rows, the endless rows, of ties, then at the ceiling.
