I don’t.
My heart hurts, but I’ve got to do the only thing I can, the healthy thing. I’ve got to keep going and keep putting one foot in front of the other, instead of dive-bombing into the nearest bed.
I can do this. I can stand alone.
Before I know it, all of this will be a distant memory…
Kaylie touches her lipstick up in my mirror and turns to me with her ass cheeks hanging out of her little Saffron shorts. Part of me dies inside, because I know that Gabe and Brand and even Dominic are right. This is no way to make a living. I have to admit that part of the reason I’ve worked at Saffron is to bolster my confidence.
It’s a façade. These guys lust after me, and it makes me feel like they really want me. They don’t. They want to fuck me, and there’s the difference.
I need to find my self-respect again, which means getting another job ASAP.
Kaylie scrunches up her nose. “So, let me get this straight. You’ve been hanging out with Dominic Kinkaide for weeks now. And you haven’t fucked him—although he took you to his Hollywood Hills house for an entire weekend? And now it’s all over and you aren’t seeing each other?”
I nod silently, wishing I hadn’t chosen to vent to her. I love Kaylie, but she’s got a one-track mind, and unfortunately it’s always on sex.
“You’re insane,” she decides, handing me the red lipstick. “You need a touch-up before we go. And hurry up. We’re going to be late. Again.”
I put the lipstick on as Kaylie stares at me. “If he’s anything like his brother in the sack, then you missed out. Big time,” she adds, for good measure. “Seriously. In fact, I think I’m going to get a tattoo on my ass. I fucked Sin Kinkaide. Ohhh. Or maybe I’ve Sinned.”
“Classy,” I mutter. “I get the point. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”
“What are friends for?” Kaylie turns to me, grinning widely, and all of a sudden I just really miss Maddy. Kaylie’s fine, but she’s a superficial friend, someone to have fun with. Maddy’s levelheaded and smart and she knows me better than anyone. I make a mental note to call her tonight on one of my breaks.
Kaylie and I pile into my new car and we drive to the Saffron office. Our boss, Big Jim, calls to us from behind the counter.
“Hey girls! Your jobs for tonight have changed. Well, not yours, Kaylie. You’re still serving at the Gable bachelor party. But Jacey, your presence has been requested at Sinclair Kinkaide’s house yet again—and he’s paying me twice your normal wage to make sure you’re there. I don’t know what you’re doing, but it better not be anything illegal.”
Big Jim stares at me, but then grins. I shake my head. “I don’t want to. I’m sorry. You’ll have to send someone else. Send Kaylie.”
Big Jim scowls now, his big jowls twisting as he shakes his head. “No. It’s gotta be you. And if you value this job, you need to go. My word is my bond and I already promised that you’d be there.”
“Can’t you call him back and say that I’m sick?” I ask as panicky feelings well up in my lungs. “I can’t go there, Big Jim. I just can’t.”
“You can,” he assures me. “And you have to.”
“What about me?” Kaylie demands. “Did Sin say anything about me?”
Big Jim shakes his head. “Not a thing, darlin’.”
I feel sick to my stomach as I stare at Kaylie. “You might want to hold off on that tattoo.”
She scowls at me, but I sit down in the chair by the cash register. I don’t think I can do this. I don’t want to face Dominic. Not after he dismissed me the way he did. And then I all but told him that I’d fallen for him. Why the fuck did I do that? Don’t I have one little speck of self-respect left? God.
Maybe not, but there’s only one way to fix that: find it. And find it fast.
“Okay,” I say aloud to no one in particular. “I’ll go.”
Big Jim doesn’t even glance at me, because to him it’d already been settled. I slip outside without another word and head my little car in the direction of Sin’s mansion. The closer I get, the heavier my heart feels, but I ignore it.
I can do this. I can walk in there with my head up and be totally unaffected by Dominic.
I can do this.
I’m practically chanting that as I walk around the house and go in through the back door, making my way to the kitchen. I already have this routine down pat; I’ve done it several times already. When I step inside the kitchen though, Henrietta, the shift leader, looks up at me.
“You’re supposed to find Mr. Kinkaide the second you get here,” she says to me curiously. “I don’t know why.”
She’s looking at me as if I can offer her an explanation. I shrug. “I have no idea.”
She doesn’t believe me, but I don’t care. It’s not my problem. I make my way out into the main part of the house, intent on finding Sin but avoiding Dominic.
It proves to be easy. Dominic is nowhere to be seen, and Sin is lounging in his main living room, in jeans and no shirt. For a minute I smile, remembering how Dominic has complained several times about Sin always walking around half-naked, but the smile dies at the thought of Dominic.
“You wanted to see me?” I ask Sin quietly. He’s looking through a pile of papers and seems deep in thought. He looks up.
“Oh, hi. Jacey, right?”
He knows my name. And he knows that’s exactly who I am.
Sin Kinkaide knows who I am. It’s mind-boggling. He grins, and I can see Dominic in that grin. It’s cocky, charming, and sexy all at once. “I requested for you to work my party tonight.”
“I know,” I tell him slowly. “But why?”
“Because my brother’s been happier these last few weeks than he’s been in a very long time,” Sin tells me seriously. He twists a bottle of beer around in his hand as he speaks, and each time he moves, a silver ring with a ram’s head on it clicks against the glass. I must look doubtful because he laughs.
“It’s true,” he assures me. “I know it’s difficult to tell when my brother is happy or when he’s not, but trust me. He’s been happier, which makes my life happier, since he’s been staying here. But he came home in a bitch-ass mood last night, and when I asked why, he almost bit my head off. Logically, I know that can only mean one thing. He fucked things up with you.”
I start to protest, but Sin holds up a hand.
“Did he or did he not?”
I swallow. “You don’t understand. There wasn’t anything to fuck up. We were just hanging out to have fun. We were never going to be anything serious, so there wasn’t any need to bring me here. Trust me, if Dom was in a bad mood, it wasn’t because of me. It was his idea that we stop hanging out.”
“And he told you that yesterday?” Sin raises an eyebrow.
I see where he’s going with this. “Yes, but that was just a coincidence. Trust me.”
Sin shakes his head. “Trust me. I know my brother. But this brings me to my point of having you here. I’d like for you to serve him tonight exclusively. Follow him everywhere. If he goes to his room, you go. Don’t take no for an answer.”
This annoys me, and I glare at Sin. “What the hell do you think I am? I’m not a personal servant or a sex slave.”
Sin stares at me. “I know you’re not. But I think you care about my brother. You must, or you wouldn’t have put up with his shit for this long. Look, my brother has been buried under a rock for way too long. Years. But he came out from under that rock for you. I’d like to see him stay that way. The key to that is you. Trust me.”
“I seem to be doing a lot of ‘trusting you,’ ” I point out. “And I don’t even know you.”
“Of course you do,” Sin pacifies me. “Everyone knows me.”
I have to roll my eyes. I can almost hear Dom in his arrogant tone. “Everyone knows of you. They don’t actually know you,” I remind him. “Including me.”
“Okay, valid point,” he concedes, his face a blank slate but for a smile. “Tell me what I can do so you’ll trust me. Sing you a song?”
I start to laugh, until something occurs to me. “Tell me about Emma. And why Dominic blames Cris.”
Sin sobers up quickly, staring at me. “Hmm. Straight for the jugular. So Dominic won’t tell you?”
I shake my head. “No. All I know is that she was his girlfriend and he blames Cris for something really bad. That’s all I know.”
Sin sighs and takes a swig of his beer as he settles back into his seat.
“I don’t know why he blames Cris,” he admits. “We all have our suspicions, but no one knows for sure. Dom won’t talk about it and Cris won’t say. But I can tell you that it fucked him up. Big time. Whatever else happened, Emma died and Dominic blames himself. But that’s all I can tell you. It’s his story and he should be the one telling it. Maybe he’ll get the chance tonight… because you’re going to be his shadow. I don’t think he’s home yet, but I’m pretty sure he’ll be back soon. He’s going to stay at the party for a while before he flies out to LA.”
“What if I don’t want to be his shadow?” I ask as cold fingers of dread curl around my stomach. Sin smiles.
“You might think you don’t want to, but I think you really do. And from what I’ve seen of you, you don’t do anything that you don’t want to do.”
I stare at him, not wanting to say anything, because deep down I know he’s right… on both counts.
I turn to leave, but hesitate. “Do you really think he’s been happier since he met me?” I ask slowly. Sin nods.
“I know he has.”
I walk out quietly, lost in thought. Dominic blames himself for Emma’s death? That’s quite a bit different than just grieving a dead girlfriend. A million different scenarios run through my mind, but I’ll never know the truth unless he tells me.
I don’t see that happening.
With a sigh, I turn into the main hall and grab a tray of champagne. Until I see Dominic, I might as well hand out drinks.
It doesn’t take too long. Twenty minutes later, I feel him walk into the room. I feel his stare, buried between my shoulder blades. Sure enough, when I turn around, Dom’s green eyes meet mine, and I can see a strange fire in them.
I set my tray down and walk straight to him. He doesn’t move, he just leans against the doorframe and waits.
“Jacey,” he greets me, nodding. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
So polite, so civil, so distant.
My throat tightens up. Maybe Sin was wrong.
“Sin brought me here,” I explain, fighting the urge to run my fingers through his hair, to push back his rakish bangs. “I’m supposed to exclusively serve you tonight.”
This interests Dominic. I can see that strange light in his eyes glow even more, working into a flame now.
