Sarah frowns, "What's a pervert?"
I sigh, "Let's go swim kid."
I leave the camp area and walk the path that I have thought of a million times. Every branch and stone is burned into my memory. It's the first time I felt something amazing enough to make this kind of a mark on my mind, a positive one.
I have no words for what Sarah is about to see and I don’t want to ruin it for her. I want her to see the whole thing the way I did. It feels more dramatic at night.
We crest the hill and walk down the slope. Sarah is behind me. We walk into the clearing and the swimming hole is visible to the right of us. I see the awe on her face. She takes a breath and takes it all in.
She walks to the large flat stone and stands there, mesmerized.
Mary is beside me suddenly, "What's her story?"
I shrug, "Abandoned by her own mother. Sold to the military for smokes. Sent into the breeder camps. They take them young now and get them healthy so they can breed them as young as fifteen or sixteen."
She looks horrified.
"It's so much worse than you can imagine."
Mary squeezes my hand suddenly with her warm soft hand and whispers. "Let's not ruin the moment for her then by discussing it."
I love Mary. I can't help myself. Her kid is a pain in the ass and she lets grown men have relations with sixteen year olds but I still love her. Even though we kissed and I liked it, I love her like a sister. An older sister. She is free the way Jake is. None of the bullshit has destroyed the joy inside of her.
I pull my shirt off, determined to be the first one to crack the flat glass of the calm water. The moon is full and high in the sky. It is reflected perfectly on the lake water. I push my bottoms off and see Mary pulling her dress off. I kick my boots off, run for the water and shallow dive in just like my dad taught me to do.
The cold water shocks me. The air is warmer than last time but the water is still really cold. I want to scream and holler and have fun. I look back at Sarah.
"Can you swim?"
She shakes her head.
I swim back but Mary steps in and mothers her.
"I won't leave your side. We will do it together and I won't let go okay."
Sarah smiles and pulls her shirt off. She kicks her pants off and sits at the edge of the water and dips her toes in. She gasps from the cold.
Mary sits on the edge beside her and lifts herself into the water delicately. She hangs onto the rock and takes Sarah's hand. Sarah lets her body flop into the water, not gracefully.
She panics and slaps her hands around like Leo does when he swims.
Mary takes her hands and focuses her face, "Calm. Swimming is all about being calm."
Sarah is gasping in fear. Mary takes her hands and kisses them both, "Stay calm. Now trust me and we'll have you swimming in no time."
Sarah stops slapping and splashing. Mary turns her on her back, "Just relax. Let me float you. You look at the stars."
I decide to do the same. I lie on my back. I let go the nerves of watching Sarah freak out and just float. The water calms me and Mary's soft voice whispers to us both.
"Relax the body and let the water lick at it. Feel my hands holding you up. I'm strong enough to do that. Look at the stars. Look at the shapes on the moon."
The moon is so bright and blue. I've never seen it like this before.
"It's so blue." I say to no one.
Mary laughs, "It happens once in a blue moon. The moon appears blue because of dust and debris in the air."
I feel sad. I know they’ve blown something else up. The bombings in the beginning were bad. The TV's in Brian's bunker were filled with images of the war in the beginning. The sick wandering the streets dying, or somehow living with the sores and brain damage from the high fevers.
The bombs dropped when the countries assumed it was viral warfare from each other.
The mess they left us is bad enough, but to have the group who masterminded it all to be left behind with us is unfair.
I lose myself in it all and watch the moon. We made such a mess of this place.
I look to the side of me and the water is flat again. Sarah and Mary have climbed out. The stars are reflecting in the water. I am lying amongst the stars. I am one with the universe.
The only ripple comes from my body. I lie completely still and am one with it all. I am in the sky, floating and being.
The moon is so bright the stars seem muted up close to it. I feel the waves rock me. I look up to see Jake in the water with me. I let my body sink. I am naked. I imagine he as well.
"It's so amazing here." Anna shouts from the shore on the big rock.
Jake looks up. The beauty silences him.
Anna jumps in, barely making a ripple in the water. She surfaces next to me.
She smiles, "Meg is never going to forgive you."
I snort, "She's lucky I don’t tan her hide with Jakes belt."
He frowns, "Keep me out of your savagery. I'm a lover, not a fighter."
Anna rolls her eyes, "Who have you been loving?" Her face goes red when she realizes what she's said.
He laughs.
I see a white figure jump from the rock in a perfect dive. Will surfaces beside Anna. He makes a face, "Are you guys naked?"
Anna swims away from him, "Okay gross. You couldn’t keep that conversation in your mind? I'm in my undies."
Jake laughs again. "Me too."
Will nods. "Okay good. Me too." His eyes dart to me. I can see the glisten of them in the moonlight. "What about you?"
I laugh and point, "Just stay over there."
His booming laugh echoes off the rock walls. There is joy and mystery in the swimming hole.
Jake looks at Will, "So this is where you were?"
Will gives a short nod, "Some of the time."
Anna snorts and splashes him, "Rough. We were out running away from slavers, the others, the infected who just don’t die, and you were here?"
He looks sad, "I came for you."
I feel awkward in the conversation. I want to climb out but I don’t want to flash my naked butt at them when I do. I turn and look up at the moon again and try to keep my body in the water.
Her voice is emotional. The humor is gone, "When? When did you come for us?"
"Anna they made me work in a camp for a year and then they tested me and sent me to the breeder camps. I was there for three months. I looked for you after that."
She sounds pissed, "How long? For how long?"
"Anna stop okay. We're altogether now." Jake pleads with her.
"No Jake. He left us."
Will sighs again, "Anna I looked for two years. Every town, every bar and brothel. I looked in the slaver camps I snuck into just in case. I looked. I mourned you. I made a small headstone and had a funeral because I couldn’t bear to be empty anymore. Ask Emma. When I met her and she said your names I almost got eaten by Leo for attacking her. We walked across the mountains and looked for you. I looked. I've crossed the country three times."
She sobs, "You left us. We starved. We ran and fought and ran some more." Her sobs are muffled.
I look and Will is holding her, "I have you now. I will never leave you again."
Jake is in on the hug. I pretend to watch the stars and moon. I wish I were on the moon. I am cold and uncomfortable. I don’t understand what is happening. How can they say such cruel things to each other and then hug?
They all hug and sniffle and finally I can't take it. I dive under the water and swim under it all the way to the flat rock. I leap out and pull myself up on the rock. I grab my clothes and run up the hill. I hear their voices calling me.
It's just like the first time. I need to start making reservations so I can have the bloody water hole to myself. I pull my tangled and sopping wet clothes on, on the trail. I can feel the dirt sticking to my feet and being dragged into my pants. Before I'm even fully dressed I run up to the fire to hide out.
Mary walks up to me with a mug of cider. I take it and sip it. The sweetness is overwhelming but the warmth is amazing.
"Meg isn’t the first girl with Eric. I'm sorry I doubted you."
I want to nod and say okay but I know I broke the law too, "I'm sorry for fighting. Is his arm okay?"
She laughs, "Nope. He had to get stitches and you broke his nose and blackened both his eyes."
I grin and sip the cider, "I want to feel bad. Does that count?"
She giggles and the white haired devil comes to my side. Leo is lying at the fire.
Mary kisses his little hands and speaks softly to him. "No wolfie okay? He's sleeping and he will bite you."
The little beast curls up in her lap and I have a hard time hating him. It's fleeting. A spark lands on him and he shrieks. She caries him off to bed.
Meg walks up but doesn’t look at me. She speaks as if it's to the fire. "I don’t want to forgive you but I know what you was at. My momma would have liked what you done. I have to be honest about that. My momma always said no older boys."
I hand her my mug and she sips it.
"That’s generous of you Meg. I didn’t mean to lose it. I just don’t do well with that sort of stuff."
Meg bumps against me with her arm, "Oh shoot Emma I knows you a virgin. You got a sign over your forehead, it says pure."
I cringe, "Not so much anymore."
She turns sharply, "What? With Jake? I figured Will but after meeting Jake I don’t know which I'd take. Though it's good you picked cause between me and you Mary has been eyeballing the younger brother like a bear in heat."
I laugh. My granny always said that.
I shake my head, "At the breeder farms…"
"Oh lord. No. Not you. Not like that." She interrupts and covers her eyes.
I shake my head, "No it's not like you think. It's all done with machines and instruments. No men. The doctor did it with a metal rod I think. I saw a flash of silver anyway."
She looks horrified. She crosses herself and it's the first time I've seen someone do that in a long time. "No wonder you come back and attacked Eric. You aint never gonna have sex after something like that."
