I look up into Jake's blue eyes and smile at the way they twinkle.
He smirks, "One day you'll see that me and you are the better fit."
I scowl, "You're with Star."
"No one is really with Star. It's like saying you're with Will. No one can own something that magnanimous."
I don’t know what that word means. I almost wonder if he knows what he's saying.
"They're bigger than one person. Look at her, she's smiling and flirting and being friendly. She is making that whole group of people happy. She's like the Mother-somebody from before. The nun who went around and healed the sick and fed them and shit."
I shrug, "I don’t know. I'm not Catholic."
He rolls his eyes, "Everyone knew who she was."
I start ignoring his talk and notice the faces of the people talking with Will. Their eyes dart at me. He crosses his arms. He's getting angry. His hands are in fists. Suddenly Star shows up and smiles and touches their hands and Will's. She shakes her head and they start seeing what she's saying.
"Do you think they're talking about me?" I ask nervously.
Jake nods, "Oh, hell yes." He watches too. Allan is gone. I cuss under my breath and look around for him.
Bernie is gone too.
I sigh and see Anna next to Will and Star. She has the same outgoing personality as Star, but the sense of Will.
I look at Jake, "We gotta find Bernie and Allan."
He points, "Bernie is over there. He's talking to a guy on the other side of Will. Looks like he's in on the cause."
He scans the tents and trees and points after a minute, "Allan is over there. He's chatting up a lady with a baby."
I stand on my tiptoes and watch him talking to her. She looks mid twenties.
Jake makes a face, "Ewww, he's trying to pick up. She has a baby. What the hell?"
I laugh and point to the path, "Wanna go swimming?"
He nods and we walk away. We get to the bottom of the path and the flat rock, and my stomach hurts like I'm doing something wrong. The guilty feeling is back. I look over at Jake taking his shirt off and shake off the feeling.
"Turn around." He does and I pull my pants, shirt and boots off and jump in, in my underwear. The water feels amazing.
The sun is setting but the heat of the day is still there. It never really goes away.
"The water is warmer," he says.
I ignore him and paddle about. The water is the cleanest feeling I get.
Jake splashes me. I splash him back.
He lunges at me and dunks me. I kick at him and scramble to swim away. He grabs my foot and drags me back.
I come up for air, to see Will standing on the flat rock. Jake dunks me again. The guilty feeling comes back instantly.
I kick Jake hard and come up for air. Jake comes up and wraps his arms around my bare chest. He drags me down into the water, growling like a bear. I see the water stir up and know Will has dove in. I come up for air. Jake is laughing. I look around, "Did Will get in?"
He wipes his face, "I didn’t see him."
My breath feels too loud, like I should be still and wait for Will to surface. I don’t see him though.
"Did he jump in?"
Jake shakes his head, "I didn’t see him."
"I saw him at the shore and then the water stirred. Do you think he's holding his breath?" Panic starts to fill my voice.
"Not this long." We swim to the edge of the pool but there is nothing but our clothes and the flat rock.
I look at him, "Do you think he thought something?"
He frowns, "We were swimming. We weren’t doing anything."
He's close to me, too close. I look down at my breasts and shake my head, "Look away. I'm going to get out."
He turns his face in the other direction. I climb out and pull on my shirt. The dark t-shirt covers me. When I pull my pants up, I see him watching. I point, "I said look away."
He laughs, "You took too long."
I narrow my gaze, "Hurry up. It's getting dark and the teenagers come to mess around when the sun goes down."
He shrugs, "Maybe I wanna mess around."
I throw my arms in the air, "What's your deal? You're messing around with Star already."
He laughs, "You don’t even like her."
I shake my head, "That’s not fair. I don’t even know her. It doesn’t matter, she's my sister and your brother and I are… well you know."
He splashes water at me, "What, Em? What are you two?"
"He's my boyfriend, I think."
He laughs, "I love how weird you are."
I turn and leave him there. I stomp up the path. I get halfway when Will walks down to meet me. He still looks angry. I swallow, "Hey."
He folds his arms across his huge chest, "You sent a lady with a baby to hit on me, so you could sneak off and skinny dip with my brother?"
My jaw drops. I realize how the two look like they could be related. A nervous giggle leaves my lips, "It's not what it looks like."
Jakes comes up the trail behind me. I could hear him from a mile. He stands too close, dripping wet still. Will's eyes lift to meet him directly behind me.
"What are you doing?" he asks Jake.
"Having a swim, trying to tempt your girlfriend to wrestle naked with me. You know, regular shit." The tone in Jake’s voice is mocking. He's angry about something.
Will clenches his jaw, "Why don't you go see where your girlfriend is?"
"Why, you want to fuck her again?"
Will's face flinches. Jake nudges me as he walks past us. My heartbeat rages inside of me. I can see the truth on his face.
I take a step back.
He doesn’t move.
"Oh my God," I feel instantly sick.
He shakes his head back and forth.
"When?"
He looks sick.
I feel hot tears flooding my eyes, "Oh God, it was since we met, wasn’t it?"
I give him a wide birth but he grabs my arm, "Baby, it's not what you think."
I rip my arm from his grip but he grabs me hard. I slip, dropping my boots and bow and quiver. I drop to my knees in the dirt.
I see his hands shaking. He wants to grab me and shake me and make me listen but he doesn’t. He drops to his knees too and starts picking up my stuff.
"It was when you were at the breeder farm," his voice is hollow.
I shake my head and plug my ears with my dirty fingers, "I don’t want to know."
He grabs my hand roughly, "It was a mistake. I knew it then. I drank way too much. I thought you were gone forever. It was a mistake. I never imagined in a million years, you would get out. I knew you wouldn’t leave without Anna. I've seen inside of those places. I knew what I was sending you there for. I let you go there so my baby sister wouldn’t die alone."
I shake my hands from his, "But you lied."
When he talks it looks like his words taste bad, "I never wanted to do it. I was sleeping in my tent and she came. I never wanted her like that. I felt sick after what I'd seen done to her at the farms, and I did the same thing. I used her. I never loved her. It makes me sick."
"But you lied. You lied about having sex, with my sister." The words taste bad for me too.
He looks down, shaking his head, "I didn’t think you'd understand."
I grab my quiver and bow and boots roughly, "Well I don’t."
He looks up, "Babe, don’t leave me. Please."
I scowl at him, "I need you to finish the job I have to do. I can't leave you. I have to kill Marshall and my dad." He swallows, looking hopeful, but I cut him off, "But me and you, that’s over."
I stomp past him. He grabs at me. I pull an arrow, dropping the boots and quiver at the same moment. I pull back and release, grazing his shoulder with the tip. He cries out. I grab another arrow and run up the hill. He's up and after me, I turn and pull it back hard. He walks up to my arrow with blood dripping down his shoulder, "We aren’t over."
I nod my head, "We are."
His blue eyes are ice, "Then release the arrow."
I shake my head, "Don’t make me."
He leans into it further. My arms and hands are burning. I release the tension, dropping my arm and the arrow down.
He leans into me more, "If you need time to get past this, fine. But I'm not playing around. I love you. You have my whole heart."
I sigh, looking down, "Will, you don’t have a heart. You're just like every other man out there, except Bernie and Jake. And I'm not even sure about Jake."
I turn away and walk up the hill with my bow. I don’t even go back for my quiver and my boots.
I climb into the tent me and Anna used last time and curl into the blankets. She comes in a minute later and snuggles into me.
"You know now don’t you?" she whispers into my face.
I nod sniffling.
"At least nobody died, Em."
I nod. She is so much like Bernie.
I snuggle into her and listen as the music starts up at the fire. I hear Jake and a girl singing. Anna starts snoring, which doesn't make much sense, since she can't make other noises.
Then I hear the sound of our tent zipper. I sit up, ready for a fight but it's just Will. He drops my boots and quiver and climbs in.
I shake my head and point at the door, "Go." I whisper.
"Hear me out, please."
"No."
He crawls to me, not listening at all. He lays down on my pillow, "I fucked up so bad. I know we weren’t together at the time and you liked Jake a lot. I didn’t think I stood a chance with you. I made such a mistake, kissing you in the woods that day, when we first met. I just had to. I don’t know why. I came off as a smug ass. That’s not me."
I shake my head, "I don’t want to hear this."
"I liked you instantly. You know how they say love at first sight? I think I had that. There you were, with that big wolf, and that mean scowl, and a surly teenager. You were savage and crazy, but at the same time, the most loyal person I'd ever met. You were ready to die for the people you were looking for. And then, when you said you knew where my family was, I nearly kissed you then. You were ready to die for my family. I acted like a dick. I saw your face when you saw Jake, and I was pissed. I knew he'd gotten there before me and he was the better man. He deserved you and I didn’t. I fucked up."
