27
DOCTOR'S ORDERS WERE to curl up next to Nathaniel and share energy with him while we slept. As doctor's orders went I'd had worse. Micah had lain next to him while I got my shit together. Now it was my turn. We'd have shift changes of lycanthropes sleeping next to the wounded until they were healed. There was something about just the closeness of the beasts' different energy that sped healing for the shapeshifters. They usually put two shapeshifters per wounded, but we didn't have enough of them at the Circus to guard the building and put two apiece on Nathaniel and Claudia, who was just down the hallway. I'd checked on her, but she'd been deeply asleep. I'd been assured she'd be fine and she already had her bunk buddy, so I did what I was told for a change. I stripped down and cuddled with Nathaniel.
I let myself sink in against his side, one leg over his thigh so my thigh touched just the edge of his groin, not for sex, but because it comforted us both. One arm went around his waist. The rest of me snuggled in against his body until we fit like two puzzle pieces shaped and molded to form the corner of the picture. It was a place to begin, so that the other pieces could fit in around us, and eventually if there were enough pieces the picture would be whole, and everything would be fine.
I drank in the smoothness of his skin, the sweet vanilla scent of him, but under it all was another sweet smell. Sweet copper pennies, blood, meat, his body opened up and hurt. I snuggled lower on his body to bury my face deeper against his skin until all I could smell was his skin, whole and sweet.
Nathaniel fell asleep first, and I lay in the darkened room feeling his body rise and fall under my arm. I listened to his soft breath as it deepened. He usually fell asleep before I did, but I fought sleep so I could feel him beside me just a few minutes longer. I knew how close I'd come to never having him beside me again. The thought made me wrap myself tighter around him, and eventually I slept beside him.
I was back in the living room staring down into Haven's blue eyes. I raised the gun and started to pull the trigger, but it wasn't Haven anymore, it was Jason. I had a moment to raise the gun ceilingward and not fire into his blue eyes, and then it was Haven again and he was shooting me.
I came awake gasping, and only Nathaniel's body beside me let me know it was just a dream, just a dream. I lay there with my pulse thudding on my tongue, chest painful with the beat of my own heart. I heard the door open softly, and my hand went under the pillow automatically for the gun I'd placed there, but it was Nicky, back in human form, and armed. Apparently he'd been on guard outside the door. He closed the door softly behind him and walked toward us. I started to take my hand out from under the pillow and then didn't. I liked the weight of the gun in my hand while the werelion walked toward me. Nicky was mine in a way that no one else was, mine to the point where there was almost not anything left of who he'd been, but I'd thought Haven had been tamed, too. Be a bitch to be wrong twice in the same day.
He held his hands out to his sides, showing that he was unarmed. Something about how I lay on the bed, or maybe even my hand under the pillow, had let him know I was spooked.
He whispered, "You cried out in your sleep. Are you all right?" He stayed where he was, hands still out.
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, and nodded.
"Can I come closer?"
I nodded again and tried to force myself to let go of the gun under the pillow. I circled my hand around it a little more firmly as he moved toward the bed. He smiled down at me and started to reach out to touch my arm.
I whispered, "Don't."
He stopped moving, frowning. "What's wrong?"
"Bad dreams."
"About me?"
"No."
"Then why can't I touch you?" he whispered. It was a good question. I thought about it and finally realized I had to stop being this spooked. I couldn't function like this. Either I trusted Nicky or I didn't. We'd never trusted Haven enough to put him on guard duty here, even if he'd have done it. In fact, Nicky was the only werelion we trusted that much. That had to change. Anyone we couldn't trust had to leave St. Louis. With that decision, a little tension eased.
Then there was the sound of church bells, melodious and sweet, but it would wake Nathaniel. Nicky got my cell phone off my piled clothes and handed it to me without being asked. I'd forgotten to turn off the ringer.
I took the phone from him, forcing myself to let go of the gun so I could prop myself up better. Was it a bad sign that I felt less secure without the gun actually in my hand? I felt Nathaniel shift behind me and knew the phone had woken him. I answered the phone without checking to see who it was, just wanting the noise to stop. "I'm here." And I knew it was more a snarl than a greeting.
"Blake, is that you?"
I didn't recognize the man's voice at first. "It's me. Who is this?"
"You fuck me and my people over that completely and you don't remember me. Perfect."
I had a moment to try and think. The clue was, he said me and my people. "Jacob?"
"Yeah."
Nicky looked down at me with his one eye and his spill of bangs halfway down his face. He was watching more intently now, like a cat that sees movement.
I tried to picture Nicky's tall ex-Rex. He had blond hair going gray around the edges, but the face and body that went with the hair were still muscular and firm. When you're a werelion Rex, you have to stay in shape. Besides, all the shapeshifters age slower than normal humans, something about shapeshifting repairing their cell structure. "What do you want?"
"You always this friendly on the phone?" he asked.
"Yeah, when I've just been woken up."
"It's daylight where you are." Which implied that where he was, it was night. Since he and his pride were international assassins and kidnappers, among other things, he could have been anywhere in the world.
"I work nights, Jacob. What do you want?"
"Maybe I don't want anything. Maybe I'll just hang up and let you take care of your own mess."
"Jacob, it has been one of my harder days, after an even harder night. Tell me what you called to tell me."
"I got offered a contract on you and your boyfriends, Blake."
"What kind of contract?" I asked.
"They didn't want us to kidnap anyone this time," he said, voice quiet.
"Assassination," I said. My voice sounded bored.
"You don't sound surprised. Did you already know that it was happening?"
"No, I didn't know." Nathaniel put an arm around my waist, drawing me more firmly against his side.
"But you aren't surprised," he said.
"Let's just say that my surprise is all used up for a while. I'll assume that if you were taking the contract you wouldn't have called."
"I turned it down. I told the person calling that no one should take it, that if they did you'd find a way to fuck them up."
"Thanks for that, Jacob, but I take it you don't think they'll take your warning to heart." I tried to feel something about the idea that they'd tried to hire people to kill us, but I didn't feel anything, not really.
He didn't answer my question, but asked one of his own. "How's Nicky?"
I thought about a lot of answers but finally said, "Ask him yourself." I handed the phone to Nicky, who said, "A little wired, but good."
He was quiet for a few seconds. "No, really, Jacob, I'm good. I've never been this relaxed." He laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're always happy when you're on the drugs, but I don't come down, Jacob." He laid his hand on my bare shoulder. The moment he did, I felt a little better, a little warmer. Nathaniel cuddled closer, and it was better still. "All I have to do is touch her and it's just an upper," Nicky said.
He handed me the phone. "He wants to talk to you."
I took it and made room on the bed for him to sit down. The moment I had both of them on either side, it was better. I'd begun to realize that I might be Nicky's drug of choice, but the men that were connected to me metaphysically were mine, too.
Jacob said, "He sounds happy."
"I do my best."
"I buy that, but Blake, it's too much money. Someone will take it."
"Thanks for the warning."
"It's my fault you got your hooks into Nick. The least I can do is keep him alive."
"So you called not to help me, but to help Nicky?"
"Yeah, because honestly I'm not sure I didn't call you because I had to.
You rolled me a little, Blake, and I'm not sure I'm free of you. Did I call you to help Nick, or because at some level you're my master, too, and I had to protect you? I tried just to not take the job, but I had to call you. I had to warn you, Blake, do you understand?"
"I think so."
"Do you?" He was angry now.
"You kidnapped me, remember? You threatened to kill the men I love. Don't go all victim on me, Jacob. You started the bad stuff, not me. I just protected myself and the people I love."
"I know that, damn you. I know that I'm the bad guy here, but I still hate you, and it still scares me that I couldn't not call you, couldn't not warn you as if I were your lion to call, or something worse."
"If I told you to come to St. Louis and help protect us, would you?"
I heard his breathing on the other end of the phone, fast, hard. "You said if; please, Blake . . ." He stopped and I heard his breathing go out in a shaky line. "I know you don't owe me anything. Even this call, this warning, is probably because I can't help myself, but please, don't ask me again. Don't take the if off that question. Don't make it an outright request, please."
"We're looking for a new Rex, Jacob."
"Not last I checked, Blake. You've got a stone-cold killer as your Rex."
"Not anymore," I said softly.
Nicky stroked his hand down my arm. Nathaniel hugged me tighter. It all helped, but . . . I still didn't feel anything.
"Whoever beat him is your new Rex, Blake."
"My dance card is a little full, Jacob. I don't think I can add another job."
"You did not beat him in a fair fight."
"He cheated first," I said.
He was quiet for a second or two. "So one dead Rex, but none of his lions won the job?"
"Yep."
"You do complicate your life, Blake."
"Things just go weird with the lions; why is that?"
"Our culture is harsher than most."
"Maybe," I said, "but we still need a Rex now. You're a Rex with a pride and no territory of your own. We're a territory with a pride and no Rex."
Nicky had gone very still beside me, his hand still on my arm. He was concentrating like hell on the conversation now.
"Don't ask me, Blake. Please, you don't owe me this, but . . . don't ask me." His voice held pain.
"Do you really believe that if I asked you outright to come here and be our Rex, you couldn't refuse me?"
"I don't know, but I do know I don't want to find out."
I thought about it, but Jacob and his people were professional bad guys; we didn't need more killers in St. Louis. "How long ago did they ask you to come kill us?"
He let out a shaking breath, as if he'd been holding his breath waiting for me to ask, or not. "It's not enough money for me and my people, or anyone close to our talent. That's what they'll need to take you and yours out, Blake, but even amateurs get lucky."
"How long do we have before they hit town?"
"It's been forty-eight hours, so maybe no time."
"So you waited two days to warn us? Thanks."
"I knew you wouldn't like that. I tried not to warn you. The contract is just on you, your master, and his wolf. I thought maybe Nick wouldn't get in the line of fire, but I had to warn you. I couldn't resist the urge to call you."
"Next time call immediately, okay?"
He swallowed hard enough for me to hear it. "Okay."
"Give me a number where I'll always be able to reach you."
"Don't do this."
"You waited forty-eight hours to warn me until the compulsion got too strong. I may not like you, but you and your people are good at your jobs. You'd make good muscle. If your delay makes things worse I'll call. If your waiting gets us in trouble, I'll ask you to help us out of it. If it makes no difference, I leave you alone."
I heard him swallow again. "That's fair, I guess." He gave me a number.
"If you cancel the phone and I can't reach you . . ."
"I don't know if I could hide from you, Blake. I don't know if whatever you've done to me would let me hide."
"Then don't try, Jacob. I'll play fair as long as I can."
"What's that mean?"
"It means some bad shit is going to be hitting the fan soon, and we may need more muscle. I'll try to leave you and your people out of it, because frankly I may have rolled you but I haven't even met all your people. I'm not sure I want to bring that many wild cards into my town."
"I hope you mean that."
"I don't usually say things unless I mean them, Jacob."
"That I do believe," he said.
"Thanks for the heads-up," I said.
"Don't thank me; I'd have let you die if I had a choice."
"Aw, Jacob, you'll hurt a girl's feelings that way. I thought you liked me."
"I do like you, that's what scares me."
"Good-bye, Jacob."
"Good-bye, Blake." He hung up.
I lay back against the bed for a minute while Nicky watched me in the dimness and Nathaniel lay quiet at my back. It still felt good to have them touch me, and I still wasn't afraid, or even worried, and that, of course, was the problem. Too much fear will paralyze you, but too little fear will make you careless. I held Nathaniel's arm against my body and knew that afraid or not, I'd do whatever it took to keep him safe, to keep the people I cared about safe. I'd said that before; last night felt like I'd proved it.
"What do we do now?" Nicky asked. He'd started petting my arm again.
"We tell the others and we prepare."
"For what?" Nathaniel asked softly.
"Kill them, before they kill us." I said it with my voice firm, sure, and devoid of almost any emotion. For once I wasn't being brave; I sounded like I felt. I wondered how long I would feel numb, and what it would feel like when I stopped. I pushed the thought away, made Nicky move, and reached for my clothes. Assassins were either on their way or already in town. Eventually I'd be afraid, and before that hit I wanted a plan.
