At dinner when our entire family is together, it really hits me that Nikki and I are a couple. My arm rests on the back of Nikki’s chair and she leans into me. I hate to admit I’m falling hard and fast. Just the thought of losing her because of my involvement with the LB stresses me out. Especially when I get a text from Marco to meet him later tonight at the warehouse.
I reach for Nikki’s hand and squeeze it under the table. She squeezes back, then looks up at me.
“You okay?” she asks quietly while the rest of my family is pigging out. “You’ve been quiet ever since we got here.”
“I was just thinkin’.”
“About what?”
I lean in close and whisper in her ear, “Renegotiatin’ the terms of our relationship.”
Her face turns beet red and she whispers back, “We’ll discuss that later.”
“Just so you know, I got an A in debate,” I tell her.
She looks up at me with a grin on her sexy ruby lips. “So did I.”
32
Nikki
On Monday, Luis surprises me by coming over to my house after soccer practice.
“You could have just texted me,” I tell him.
He shrugs. “Yeah, well, I thought you could use a calculus tutor. I’m offerin’ my services,” he says, then adds with not a small hint of cockiness, “for free.”
Oh, man, I am in trouble. The more time I spend with Luis, the more I want to be with him. I force myself to keep distant, and tell myself that I’m not going to let him get too close. I’d like to, though. When he puts his arms around me, I feel protected and safe. My mind tells me it’s a false sense of security. I’m constantly trying to determine which of my emotions is centered on reality.
I even get the sense that when he says he’s going to work at his cousin’s auto body shop, he’s actually doing something else. I’m probably being paranoid. I told him to be honest with me, and I want to trust him. But I have my doubts. It’s easy to push all doubts to the back of my head when I’m with him, though.
“I do need some help in calc,” I admit.
“Hi, Luis,” Mom says as I lead him to the kitchen table where my books are spread out.
“Hi, Mrs. Cruz,” Luis says politely.
“You two have been spending a lot of time together lately,” she says, stating the obvious.
Luis nods. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, I hope it’s not too serious. Nikki has to concentrate on her college applications and keeping her grades up.”
I cringe. “Mom, don’t embarrass me.”
“It’s okay, Nik,” Luis tells me. “My ma said the same thing.”
I’m tempted to prove to them both that we don’t have to compromise our future just because we’re together.
“Can Luis eat over, Mom?” I blurt out, changing the subject before she asks him for his dating credentials. I know she worries about me, and doesn’t want a repeat of what happened between me and Marco. Both my parents have grilled me about any boy I talk to. What they don’t know is that all friendships I’ve had with guys after Marco were just that—friendships. This thing with Luis … it’s much more. But I told my parents we were just friends so they won’t freak out.
“We’re ordering Chinese, Luis,” Mom says. “Do you like Chinese?”
He shrugs. “I can eat anythin’.”
“You’re more than welcome to join us for dinner.” She says it without a smile on her face, like she’s only saying it to be polite. I hope Luis doesn’t notice. She looks at our schoolbooks spread on the kitchen table. “You guys better get cracking on that homework.”
Luis and I sit at the kitchen table. He helps me with my calculus, then moves across the table to start on his own homework. I’m working on a poem for language arts. Our teacher said we should write about someone who had an impact on our lives, whether it was good or bad. I want to write about Luis, because he makes me want to change … he makes me want to love again. I’m still holding back, but to be honest, I don’t want to.
I glance at Luis for inspiration.
I catch him checking me out at the same time. Nervous butterflies flutter in my stomach as I fantasize about what it would be like if we were alone together.
I expect him to look away, but he doesn’t.
“Why are you staring at me?”
“I’d ask you the same thing,” he says.
“Do your work,” I tell him, trying not to let on that I’m tempted to go sit on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck.
He looks down at his social studies folder. “I can feel your eyes on me,” he says after a minute.
“Sorry.” I stare at the blank page and start my poem. My first attempt is about a hero, who has come to save me before my heart turns completely to ice and cracks in a million little pieces never to be healed. No, that sounds too paranormal. I hope what I have with Luis is real, but after my bad judgment in the past, I don’t trust my instincts.
“Want to come over on Sunday?” he asks me. “Mi'amá will be at work, and my brothers are gonna barbeque.”
“Sounds great.”
“I’m gonna warn you, though. They’ve already talked about playin’ Panty Discus.” He laughs when he sees my expression. “It’s not what you think. It’s a game played with a tennis ball and panty hose … the kind that women wear. You have to see it to really appreciate it.”
“I’m sure,” I say, unconvinced. “Are your brothers competitive?”
“Let’s just say I suspect Carlos started trainin’ for it months ago while he was stationed overseas. Alex has always won, but now that we’ll be playin’ in pairs I think we’ve got a good shot at winnin’ the whole thing. Brittany is kind of a lightweight when it comes to strength.”
“What do you win?”
“Braggin’ rights.” He shrugs. “They’re kind of a big deal in my family.”
When my mom goes to pick up the Chinese food, I bite my lip wondering if I should bring up The Talk. I look up at Luis and know I’m going to have a hard time keeping to my original conditions.
“Umm … didn’t you challenge me to a debate or something like that the other night?”
His head shoots up. “Yeah. I’m ready.”
I laugh. “For what?”
“The debate, or, you know … whatever you’re ready for … I’m all in.”
“This isn’t the World Series of poker.”
“I know what it is, chica.”
I twirl my hair on my finger nervously. “I have to admit I’ve been thinking about being with you a lot.”
“Me too. Come here.” He pulls his chair out and motions for me to sit on his lap. Hoping my mom won’t come in, I sit on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. I look down at his dark, mesmerizing eyes. “Nik, I won’t hurt you. I’m not gonna ditch you afterward.”
“I know. It’s just hard for me and … I’m afraid.”
“Of what?” He rubs my back affectionately. “Talk to me.”
I don’t say what’s really on my mind. Marco. The miscarriage. The betrayal. Luis’s secrets. I’m afraid of making myself vulnerable. I bury my face in his neck and squeeze tight. Despite all of my inhibitions and all of my suspicions, I’m falling for Luis. Being able to resist him physically is beginning to be impossible.
“Just so you know … I’m not on the pill or anything,” I say softly.
“I’ve got condoms,” he says, then smiles sheepishly. “Not on me, of course. I’m not one of those pendejos who carries one around just in case.”
Who better to get over the past than with someone I want to be with … someone who I’m starting to fall in love with. I lean in and whisper in his ear, “I’m nervous.”
He reaches up and cups my face in his palm. “You need to trust me.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
33
Luis
I’m not sure asking Nikki to come over on Sunday was the best idea, especially when Carlos decides to grill my girlfriend and embarrass the shit outta me.
“So, Nikki,” Carlos says the second she walks in the house, “did you know Luis stares at a picture of you and some dog on his phone for like an hour before he goes to sleep? I swear he takes it in the can with him, too, but I don’t know what the hell he’s been doin’ in there with it.”
Carlos was never one to listen to directions. I told him this morning not to say stupid shit to Nikki. I should’ve known that wasn’t gonna happen.
“Don’t listen to him, Nik,” I tell her.
“I second that,” Kiara says, giving Carlos the evil eye. She whacks him in the stomach. “Don’t embarrass them, Carlos.”
“I think she should be flattered to know how much my little bro likes her,” he says innocently.
“It is kind of a coincidence,” Nikki says, unfazed. “Because I look at Luis’s picture all the time, too.” She looks at me and winks.
The entire house goes silent. Damn. I didn’t know my novia could hold her own against Carlos.
She looks up at me adoringly. “Great minds think alike. Right, Luis?”
Damn straight. I wink at her and take her hand in mine. “Definitely.”
Her eyes light up, and when the sunlight shines through the front window and hits them, I notice her brown eyes have golden specks inside.
Nikki tilts her head to the side and asks Carlos, “So, when are you and Kiara getting engaged? Luis told me you two have been dating a long time.”
Go, Nikki! My girl can take the heat and dish it right back. That’ll teach my brother to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.
Alex, who just came in from the kitchen, can’t hold in his laughter. “She’s got you there, bro.”
“Yeah, Carlos?” Kiara chimes in. “When are we g-g-getting engaged?”
Carlos clears his throat. And moans in defeat. “Can we talk about this later?” he asks, then narrows his eyes mockingly at Nikki. “Warn me next time I get the urge to embarrass you and my brother.”
Nikki gives him a thumbs-up. “Will do.”
After we eat, Alex holds out mi'amá’s panty hose and says, “Competition time.”
I stare at the hose. Alex will be long gone, back at his house, when mi'amá notices that two pairs of hose are completely cut off at the top of the leg. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll notice. It’s not a matter of if, but when. And I’ll be here to face the consequences.
The problem with my brothers, besides the obvious, is that we’re competitive. It’s not even normal sibling rivalry. If there’s a competition, it’s all-out war. The winner gets the right to brag about it forever, and the loser gets the right to be made fun of forever. It’s kind of like a religious tradition.
The competitions in the past weren’t fair because I’m younger than my brothers. But now we’re about the same height and same strength, so any competition is going to be fierce.
