I shook my head, moaning as I pulled away from him. ‘I can’t.’
Cam disagreed. He pumped his fingers in and out of me, watching my face intently. I had thought that after that huge climax it would take some time to work me up to another, but my body was still tautly strung, and his penetration along with the torturously gentle flick of his thumb against my clit sent me crashing headlong into another orgasm.
It was gentler, but my skin was almost burning with overuse.
‘You’re trying to kill me.’
Cam kissed me again, and I felt the cloth back between my legs.
I was still trembling when he helped me off the desk and eased my jeans back up my legs. I didn’t even bother asking for my underwear. I knew what the answer would be.
After a little while, we were settled on his couch. I lay between his legs, my back against his chest as we watched a movie. I felt relaxed for what felt like the first time in days. I couldn’t actually believe that it was only yesterday we’d bumped into Blair. It felt like it had been preying on me for weeks.
Cam laughed loudly at the telly and I turned my head to smile up into his face. ‘You’re definitely in a better mood today.’
His arm tightened around me. ‘Things are good today. Incredible sex, great company and good friends. Which reminds me, did I tell you I’m having a party next week?’
I smiled and shook my head.
‘Aye, I was telling Nate and Blair about it. I’m inviting everyone around to the flat next weekend. Invite Olivia.’
All I heard was ‘… and Blair about it.’
‘Blair?’
Cam nodded, looking back at the television, his concentration on me waning. ‘I spoke to her this morning just before Nate got here. Thought it would be nice for her to catch up with Nate and Peetie.’
‘I thought you said it was a shock seeing her yesterday?’ I was trying to ignore the banging of my heart against my chest and I really hoped Cam couldn’t feel it.
‘It was. But it was a good shock. Bumping into Blair was just what I needed –’ Cam snorted at the screen. ‘What the hell is he going to do with that?’ His focus on the movie cut him off in midsentence. What did he mean, ‘Bumping into Blair was just what I needed’?
And just like that I was back at square one.
Now was the time to ask him outright how he felt – in plain English – about having Blair back in his life. What did it mean for us? How did he feel about Blair? Was he still in love with her?
Oh, God. Was that what the happy, rough sex was all about?
I felt my chest tighten and I couldn’t breathe.
Was his good mood due to his conversation with Blair? Was he transferring possessive, lovey-dovey thoughts for her to me because I was here and willing?
Or were my big, fat, illogical, psychotic insecurities rearing their ugly heads again and twisting everything around?
‘You okay?’ Cam asked softly, running his hand up and down my arm.
Tell him! Ask him!
But I was terrified. If I asked and he did still love Blair, Cam would feel compelled to tell me the truth and I would have to get up out of his arms and never return to them again.
How pathetic that I could willingly sit with him in a lie just to feel his breath on my ear?
‘I’m fine,’ I whispered softly, snuggling against his chest. I closed my eyes. ‘Just tired.’
His fingers brushed through my hair and I punched back at my insecurities. The sex earlier, the cuddling now – that couldn’t be about anybody but me.
Cam cares.
He really cares.
‘Jo? I know when something’s wrong with you. Your whole body goes tense.’
Dammit!
I sighed and pulled back, leaning my hands on his chest as I looked up into his familiar and wonderful face. My stomach was suddenly a riot of butterflies. ‘I’m just wondering if I should be worried that the love of your life is suddenly back in it?’
Cam’s eyebrows slammed together. He looked completely baffled by my question. ‘I never said she was the love of my life. I said we used to be in love. Used to be. We’re both different people now. Well, I am at least.’ He traced my lip with his thumb, his eyes following the movement before finding their way into mine. ‘You’ve got nothing to be worried about. I told you that. You believe me, right?’ His hand slid to the nape of my neck, his strong grip bringing my face even closer to his. ‘You trust me?’
When Cam gazed at me like that, with such intensity and sincerity, it was hard to reply with anything but a quiet affirmation: ‘I trust you.’
26
As though Cam sensed that I needed a little reassurance, he texted me more than usual over the next few days despite how busy he was. We were both busy. To the delight of both me and Cole, Uncle Mick and Olivia had decided to stay in Edinburgh indefinitely. I spent time helping them search for flats online and sending them links to decent ones during my quieter periods at work, since Uncle Mick was preoccupied with looking into setting up a painting and decorating business in Edinburgh. I’d put him in touch with Braden as a start for building a profile and contacts, but Mick also had a lot of stuff to figure out financially, and Olivia and I were happy to let him get on with that while we searched for flats. I was a little surprised when Olivia informed me that we were looking for two flats, but she insisted that she’d been relying on Uncle Mick too much lately and it was time she took back control of her life – starting with renting her own place.
On top of that, I found myself playing referee with regard to Joss’s wedding plans. Ellie still hadn’t given up her hopes of turning Joss into a romantic, and Joss, in my effort to talk her out of homicidal thoughts, needed a reminder every now and then that she loved Ellie and would be greatly upset with herself if she ‘accidentally’ offed her maid of honour.
So, a little overwhelmed that week and unable to see Cam as much as I would have liked, I thought it was nice of him to keep in contact with me so much during the day, and even lovelier of him to stop by on Wednesday to take me for a long lunch.
I was seated behind the reception desk waiting for him when he strode into the estate agents office wearing his worn jeans, boots and ragged Def Leppard T-shirt, looking sexy and cool and utterly at home in his own skin. I watched my colleague Anna, who worked in admin with me, stop in the middle of her conversation with Ollie, one of our agents, to slaver over Cam as he strolled past her.
My face split into a big grin and I hurried around the desk to greet him. I should have been embarrassed by the long kiss he smacked on me, but I wasn’t. I was just so pleased to see him.
‘Hey, you,’ I murmured, pulling back to affectionately stroke his scruffy cheeks.
His eyes drifted down my body and were filled with more than a little appreciation when they returned to my face. ‘You look good, baby.’ I was wearing a black high-waist, calf-length pencil skirt with a sleeveless white silk blouse tucked into it. On my feet were four-inch black-and-white stilettos that took me a couple of inches above his head. He clearly didn’t care. ‘Very sexy secretary.’
‘My God, is this the boyfriend?’ Ryan, one of the younger estate agents, asked teasingly from behind Cam.
Cam turned with a raised eyebrow, taking in the good-looking guy in his well-cut suit. Ryan was exactly the kind of guy I would have dated pre-Cameron, and I think Cam knew it. I felt the instant tension in his body.
I pressed closer to Cam, understanding after my own recent bout of insecurity and jealousy (neither of which had completely gone away) how much it helped to be reassured by your partner. To make it clear that I was with Cam and Cam alone, I curled an arm around his waist. ‘Yes, this is Cameron.’
Cam nodded at Ryan, still appraising him.
Ryan grinned in response. ‘We all thought you were a phantom, mate.’ His eyes shot over Cam’s shoulder to me and a decidedly flirtatious spark flared to life in them. ‘We just thought Jo was pretending to have a boyfriend to keep us all off her back.’
Oh, God.
‘Pardon?’ Cam murmured, and I felt his hand slide down from my waist to cup my hip, pulling me even tighter against him.
Ryan laughed, holding up his hands. ‘Ah, don’t worry. We know she’s taken. You’re a lucky bloke.’
I heard Anna giggle nervously when Cam’s face remained intimidatingly impassive. I decided it was definitely time for lunch. ‘Well, we’re going now,’ I announced cheerily, reaching across my desk for my purse. ‘See you in a bit.’
With his arm still around my waist, Cam led me out of the office and we walked in silence up the hill past Queen Street Gardens. By the time we got to the restaurant, this delicious little place on Thistle Street, I’d received three grunts in response to the three questions I’d asked him about work.
When we had settled at our table, he sat and looked at me for a moment and then said quietly, ‘I must have counted at least five guys in there, all our age.’
Trying not to get pissed off at him, since I’d acted like a jealous shrew (at least inwardly) at the weekend, I nodded.
‘And I take it they all flirt with you like that wee git was.’
I shrugged. ‘You’ve seen guys flirt with me, Cam. They flirt at the bar all the time.’
‘That’s different. Friendly banter gets you tips there.’
‘I didn’t say I flirt back with these guys. That’s why Ryan cracked a joke about you being real. They’ve never seen you, but I talk about you all the time.’ I leaned forward. ‘You asked me to trust you. I’d appreciate it if you’d trust me back.’
After a moment, Cam relaxed and leaned an elbow on the table, running his hand through his hair in frustration. ‘I’m just tired. Sorry. Not in a great mood.’
I reached over and took his other hand. ‘It’s okay. You’re allowed to be in a shitty mood.’
‘Not today. We haven’t seen each other since Monday. I’m not going to spend our lunch together snapping your head off because you’re too fucking gorgeous for your own good.’
