“I used a hundred dollars,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I took a cab downtown. I thought it would be quicker. I didn’t want to be gone long because I knew you’d worry. So I took a cab there and back. I tipped. Maybe I shouldn’t have. But I know what it’s like to need money and taxi drivers don’t always get good tips.”
She was babbling and it hurt him to hear the pain in her voice that was caused by his misjudgment.
“Baby,” he whispered.
He pulled her to him and she was rigid against his body.
“Baby,” he said again. “Tell me why you went. Tell me why you couldn’t discuss this with me.”
Even as he spoke, he walked backward, pulling her with him. He dropped onto the couch and tugged until she perched on his lap. He wrapped both arms around her so she couldn’t flee, and judging by her expression, he still had a long way to go before she willingly stayed.
“I had to tell him to be careful,” she whispered. “I didn’t want those men to hurt him and I knew he couldn’t pay them back. And I had to tell him about . . . us. He’d worry when he didn’t see me. I basically disappeared and I didn’t want him to think I was dead or that I’d just moved on and left him.”
Jace knew the matter had been taken care of but Bethany didn’t. And now he was curious—genuinely curious—why she’d left the cash he’d given her here. There was enough in that envelope to have paid Jack’s debt and yet she’d left it behind.
“There was enough cash in that envelope to pay Jack’s debt,” Jace said quietly.
Her voice was barely a whisper. “Yes, I know.”
“Why didn’t you take it to him?”
She tensed against him but when he said nothing else, her shoulders slumped and she looked at him, disappointment burning in her eyes.
“I’d never do that,” she said softly. “It wasn’t my money. I wouldn’t take it from you to pay Jack’s debt. Jack got himself into that situation. If I had the money, I’d give it. No reservations. What’s mine is his. But that money wasn’t mine. I’d never take advantage of you that way. You’ve been so good to me, Jace. I don’t want to repay that kindness with deceit, even if what I did today is just that.”
Jace sighed. “Jack’s debt is paid off. The men are no longer interested in you or Jack. They have their money and that’s all they cared about. That’s why I told Kaden and Trevor that I wasn’t sure I’d need them tomorrow. Not because I’m kicking you out.”
Her gaze became troubled and her lips turned down into an unhappy frown.
“What did you do, Jace?” she whispered.
“I took care of the matter.”
She shook her head. “No. It wasn’t your problem. I don’t want you involved.”
Tears were shiny in her eyes and his heart squeezed as she fought them.
“You are most definitely my concern,” he said gruffly. “I did it because those sons of bitches came after you for the money. That I won’t allow. I’ll do anything in this world to keep you out of harm’s way. There’s absolutely nothing you can say to change my mind on that score, so save your breath.”
He slid his fingers along her jaw and then feathered the tip of one over her full lips.
“Now that we have that out of the way, there’s more we need to discuss. But I want to have this particular conversation with you naked. In the bedroom. You focused solely on me and me on you.”
Her eyes widened and her cheeks remained pale and she stared intently up at him.
“Do you trust me enough to do what I’m asking, Bethany?”
It was a test. Not because he was being an asshole. But he needed to know he had her trust. He was about to take a huge step forward in what would be a very demanding relationship. He had to know she could handle that. He couldn’t hold back much longer.
She licked her lips and dipped her chin, but he wouldn’t allow her to look away. He wanted to see every thought that flickered through her eyes. Every reaction. Every doubt and every question.
“Are you still angry with me?” she asked softly.
Her eyes were troubled and she looked worried.
“I’m angry, yes. Not at you. I’m frustrated. Again, not at you. Our relationship is what’s frustrating me at present. I’m holding so much back, Bethany, and it’s killing me.”
She cocked her head, her eyes narrowing in confusion. “Why are you holding back?”
He groaned. “Because I don’t want to scare you away, baby. It’s going to be intense. Overwhelming, even. I’m trying my damnedest to take things slow because I want to take care of you. Make sure you’re with me every step of the way.”
“I’m with you,” she said quietly.
“No, baby, you aren’t. Not yet.”
“Then tell me. Show me. How can I know what it is you need from me if you don’t show me? You’ve given, Jace, but you aren’t taking. And I need to be able to give you something. I have nothing that you lack. There’s nothing I can give you except me, and you don’t want it yet.”
“I want it,” he said fiercely. “There’s nothing I want more. But, baby, you have to be sure about this. We’ll still take this in steps, but tonight we’re going to take a big one if you’re ready for that.”
“How will I ever know unless we try?” she whispered.
His senses went on red alert. His entire body tightened and savage satisfaction gripped him by the throat.
“Get up and go into the bedroom,” he said in a measured voice.
Calm descended and he took control. He had to do this right. Couldn’t let himself fuck it all up. Not when Bethany was putting all her trust in him.
“Undress and kneel on the rug by my bed. Wait for me there.”
Chapter twenty-one
Bethany slipped the clothing from her body and folded it neatly, laying it on the dresser before going to the thick rug by the bed. She hesitated a long moment as she stared down at the floor.
She knew the significance of kneeling. Of waiting for Jace to come into the bedroom. It was a signal of her submission. He was asking her to submit to him, to trust him. Did she?
Her thoughts went back to the first night. The night she’d had sex with Jace and Ash. When Ash had very bluntly laid out the terms of being with them. They were dominant men, but Jace was perhaps more so. Ash seemed to be more laid back while Jace was . . . intense.
Had he been fighting his nature the entire time he’d been with her? Had he held back his true self for fear of frightening her away?
Her mood softened. He hadn’t ramrodded her. Okay, so he’d definitely been forceful and demanding. No doubt there. But there was a controlled edge to it and she had the impression that if Jace wasn’t holding himself back, things would be that much more intense.
Could she handle that? Him controlling every aspect of her life? Dictating her every movement in and out of bed? Would it be so bad?
In many ways, she relished the idea of relinquishing all control. Of having someone—a strong, dominant male like Jace—sweep in and take care of her. Make decisions. Pamper her shamelessly.
She’d never had that. She craved it.
She wasn’t someone who longed for independence and to be self-sufficient. She’d been independent since she was a child. She’d been self-reliant her entire life. No one had ever taken care of her. Except Jack. And she’d done as much for him as he’d done for her.
Just once, she wanted someone to care about her. Just her. To take the burden from her. To make decisions. And she just wanted to live. To enjoy not having to worry about where her next meal came from, or whether she had a place to sleep. She wanted tenderness.
She wanted . . . love.
She sucked in her breath at that particular revelation because it was dangerous to want something she may never well have. Jace wanted her, yes. She didn’t doubt that. But for how long? He couldn’t love her. He didn’t know her. He didn’t even trust her.
What they had was physical and evidently she appealed to the protector in Jace. It was who he was. But she knew she wasn’t his equal no matter what he said. They were an ocean apart. So different that she couldn’t even relate to his life and she knew he certainly couldn’t relate to hers.
She stared at the rug again, fists clenched at her sides.
And then before she was fully cognizant of doing so, she sank slowly to her knees.
Jace stood in the doorway, watching as a myriad of emotions crossed Bethany’s face. It was obvious she was struggling with her decision. He could see confusion and sadness in her eyes. But he also saw need.
He wasn’t even aware that he was holding his breath until his lungs protested and burned. He sucked in through his nose, his gaze never leaving Bethany. She didn’t even know he was there watching. It would likely make her uncomfortable to know he could so clearly see her vulnerability.
And then she sank slowly to her knees and relief burned through his chest, robbing him of air.
She was submitting. And he knew well that she understood the significance of kneeling as he’d requested. He’d seen her entire thought process play out in those expressive, beautiful eyes.
He was weak with relief.
No, everything wasn’t solved. He didn’t have this in the bag. They still had a long way to go, but this was a huge step forward in the progression of their relationship.
It was a start.
He walked forward and her chin lifted, her gaze meeting his. He wanted nothing more than to wipe that fear and uncertainty from her eyes, but he knew only time would do that. Time and patience. He had to be willing to wait for as long as it took for her to fully come to terms with her place in his life.
He had a lifetime of her feeling second-rate to overcome and that wasn’t going to happen in a day, a week or even a month. But damn if he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to show her that he wasn’t going anywhere.
He reached out to cup her cheek, allowing his fingers to glide over her silky skin.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said hoarsely. “I can’t tell you the satisfaction it gives me to see you kneeling here, waiting for me. For the pleasure I’ll give you.”
Her eyes warmed, chasing some of the insecurity away. She smiled hesitantly, a sweet, shy smile that made his knees go weak.
God. What was it about this woman that inspired such an overwhelming response in him? Maybe he’d never know. Maybe this was what happened when you met your other half.
He nearly cringed at the cheesiness of such a thought, but he couldn’t explain it any better than that. The women he’d been with before were filler. He’d been biding his time, waiting. For Bethany.
He’d seen Gabe through a marriage that had never been rooted in deep, abiding love. He’d seen his friend fuck his way through a multitude of women. And it was not until Jace had seen Gabe with Mia that he’d seen his friend come so alive.
Soul mates.
Gabe and Mia were soul mates. It was there to see in every look, every touch. Every time Gabe so much as glanced in Mia’s direction.
And now all the things he’d found so baffling about Gabe’s reaction to Mia were here in front of him.
“Do you trust me, Bethany?” Jace asked as his hand traveled into her hair, tugging slightly so that her head craned farther back.
Their gazes were locked and he saw hesitation in her brilliant blue eyes. His gut tightened. He hadn’t realized how badly he wanted her trust. How important it was to him.
She was allowing him free rein. She was ceding power to him. She was submitting to him.
But without her trust, what did he really have?
“I don’t know the rules,” she said in a quiet voice. “I know you’re asking me to . . . submit. To you. But I don’t know the rules, Jace. Do I need permission to speak freely? To tell you what I’m thinking? To answer honestly the question you just asked me? I don’t know how this works and I don’t want to mess up before we even begin.”
Jace dropped down to his knees, positioning himself so they were on eye level. No way in hell he’d have this kind of conversation in a position of dominance. This was too important.
He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her forehead. Just one gentle kiss and then he pulled away.
“You never have to seek permission to tell me what you’re thinking.”
Didn’t she realize that her thoughts were the gateway to her? He had to know what she was thinking so he could work his way into her heart and soul.
She visibly swallowed and then inhaled sharply through her nose.
“I think the more important question is whether you trust me.”
His eyes widened and for a moment he was at a loss as to how to respond.
Her lips trembled and she forged ahead, clearly afraid and yet determined to speak her mind.
“You thought . . . You thought some pretty terrible things about me, Jace. I know what I did didn’t help, but you jumped to conclusions that tell me you think the worst of me. I know we don’t know each other well. You don’t know me. But that you thought I was playing you, that I was stealing from you . . .”
