Bethany smiled back. It was hard not to like Mia. She was genuine. There wasn’t an ounce of fakeness to her.
“Okay, let me get this gravy done,” Mia said, sliding from the barstool. “The menfolk will start to get restless and cranky.”
Twenty minutes later, everyone was seated at the formal dining table. The centerpiece was beautiful. Gorgeous, vibrant red poinsettias with elegant tapered candles on either side. Elaborate candelabras were positioned on the sideboard and the lights were dimmed to cast an intimate glow over the table.
Gabe and his father occupied the two ends of the table with Mrs. Hamilton on her husband’s left and Mia to the left of Gabe. Bethany had been positioned across the table from Mia and Gabe and Jace were on either side of her, with Ash next to Mia and across the table from Jace.
The food was delicious but Bethany found herself lost in the flow of conversation. The problem with being homeless and penniless was that she had nothing in common with these people. No common interests. She hadn’t kept up with recent events. She was clueless about sports, the world of finance, and even more clueless about business.
The longer the meal went on, the more conspicuous Bethany felt because of her prolonged silence. The others were starting to glance at her with concerned looks and Bethany pasted on a bright smile, nodding and acting as though she were concentrating on her food. And she was. Even being with Jace for as long as she’d been now, it was still ingrained in her not to waste food. She still lived with the idea that she never knew when her next good meal would be and so she had to make the most of the one she was enjoying.
As if finally sensing just how ill at ease she was, Jace reached underneath the table, rubbed his hand down her thigh and then lightly squeezed just above her knee.
He leaned over her to get a roll and murmured, “Relax, baby.”
She was mortified when it appeared that Gabe heard Jace. Gabe glanced in her direction, his eyes softening.
She just wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole. Better yet, she really just wanted to go back to her apartment. She was in sensory overload. Too many people. Too much conversation. She wasn’t used to having to perform social niceties.
It wasn’t that they were horrible or that she didn’t like them. It was just awkward and out of her scope. She felt completely inadequate despite Jace’s repeated attempts to make her feel as though she belonged.
That was on her. Jace, his family, no one had made her feel that way. It was strictly her own doing. Her own insecurity.
“I love your tree,” Bethany said quietly in Mia’s direction.
Mia beamed. “I do too. I adore Christmas trees. Jace used to always take me to Rockefeller Center for the lighting of the tree. It was a tradition I looked forward to. It was where Gabe proposed to me.”
Bethany’s heart twisted at the instant warmth that spread over Gabe’s features. His gaze was riveted on Mia.
“I love Christmas trees too,” Bethany said wistfully. “I never had one. A real one, I mean. In an actual home.”
As soon as the words popped out of her mouth, she wanted to die. Her look of horror couldn’t be contained. She couldn’t believe she’d just blurted that out. She couldn’t bear to gauge the others’ reactions to what she’d said.
Before she said anything else to humiliate herself, she shot up from her seat. Jace reached for her, but she was just beyond his grasp. She left the table, heading blindly for the kitchen.
“Jesus,” Ash muttered. “She’s never had a Christmas tree?”
Jace was standing, torn between going after her and giving her a moment to compose herself. He glanced at his friend and then at the grim expressions on Gabe’s and Mia’s faces, the soft sympathy in Mrs. Hamilton’s eyes.
“This has been torture for her,” Jace said quietly. “This whole day. Damn it, I shouldn’t have made her come.”
“Did we say anything wrong?” Mia asked anxiously.
“No, baby girl, you did everything fine. I appreciate it. This is just hard for her. She’s not used to any of the things we take for granted. She’s not used to being around people, much less people who care. She was a nervous wreck about meeting you all. She doesn’t want to embarrass me.” He broke off with brittle laughter. “She doesn’t think she’s good enough for me.”
“Shit,” Gabe murmured. “I hope you put an end to that crap.”
“I think maybe we should go,” Jace said, casting a look of apology to the table.
Mia nodded and Gabe rose, putting his hand on Jace’s shoulder. “If you need anything, let us know.”
“Will do. Thanks for the great food, Mia. You outdid yourself.”
“Give Bethany our love,” Mia said softly.
Jace smiled at her. “I will.”
Chapter twenty-five
Jace hugged Bethany to his side as they hurried into the cold and toward his waiting car. She hadn’t met his gaze once after he’d told her they were leaving. Mia and Gabe, hell, even Ash—especially Ash—had been extremely gentle with her, hugging and kissing her good-bye and acting as though nothing had gone wrong.
But Bethany had been mortified. It was evident in the tight lines of her body and the anguish in her eyes.
He ushered her into the car and kept her close to him as they pulled into traffic. He’d already given his driver their destination when he’d called to tell him they were ready to leave Gabe’s apartment. She didn’t even notice when they didn’t head in the direction of either of their apartments. She likely thought he planned to take her to her apartment. Maybe even thought he’d stay over with her.
As if she was staying anywhere but his place on Christmas night.
He was growing more and more impatient with the distance between them. He wanted her in his apartment, in his space. In his bed every night. No, there hadn’t been a single night since he’d moved her into her apartment that they’d spent apart, but many of those nights had been spent at her place.
His mind told him not to move too fast, not to push too hard, that the end result could be disastrous. His heart just wanted . . . her. In his arms, his bed, his life. Any way he could make it happen.
When they pulled up in front of Saks Fifth Avenue, Bethany finally became aware that they hadn’t gone back to her apartment. She lifted her head and gazed around in consternation.
“Where are we?”
He leaned over to silence her by kissing her. Then he opened his door and gently pulled her from the car.
“Jace, what are we . . .”
She broke off when her gaze lighted on the Christmas tree that towered above the ice skating rink. Tears immediately filled her eyes and it made his chest squeeze painfully.
“Oh, Jace.”
She went silent, her eyes rapt and alight with joy. She stared, motionless, her breath puffing out in a cloud.
“I came here once,” she whispered. “It was my first Christmas in the city. Mine and Jack’s. We walked forty blocks in the rain because I just wanted to see this one time.”
Jace struggled to breathe at the ache in her voice. His hands tightened and curled into fists. “How long ago was that, Bethany?”
She was twenty-three. So young and yet she seemed years older. Hardened by time. With the cynicism of someone much older than her tender years. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know just how long she’d been on the streets.
“Four years,” she murmured.
He stifled the curse that blistered his lips. She’d been living on the streets of New York City for four fucking years. She’d been nineteen. An age when most girls were looking forward to the start of their lives. Fresh out of high school. In college. Having fun. Taking on the world.
He was more determined than ever to shield her from every bad thing in her life. He wouldn’t allow anything else to touch her. He only wanted to surround her with good things. Happy memories. He wanted to give her that.
“Let’s go closer,” she said, her voice trembling with excitement.
She took hold of his hand, tugging him forward. He couldn’t help a smile at her excitement. Her eyes danced and her entire face lit up just like the Christmas tree.
She was so beautiful when she smiled she made his gut ache. And every time she smiled, he was always struck by the fact that she did it so rarely. It was another thing he was determined to coax from her. He wanted to give her a reason to smile every damn day.
She weaved her way through the small crowd and then stopped in a spot where they wouldn’t be elbow to elbow with anyone else. She stared at the tree in silence, her hand leaving his to clasp with her other in front of her.
Damn it but he should have made sure she brought her gloves with her. Her hands were cold. For that matter, she wasn’t dressed appropriately to be standing outside. She had a coat, but it was the lighter of the two he’d bought her. He’d thought they’d only be going from the car to the apartment and back.
But she didn’t seem to notice the cold. Her focus had drifted to the ice skaters and she wore a soft smile of pleasure.
Suddenly her face lifted and her lips parted in delight.
“Jace, it’s snowing again!”
She held her hands up, capturing the slowly drifting flakes on her palms. They melted instantly but she chased after more.
She spun around, laughing as they landed on her nose and cheeks and caught in her hair. He was transfixed by the picture she presented. So lovely she took his breath away.
“Do you know, this is the first time I’ve ever been excited about snow?” she said in a wistful voice. “Before, I knew if it snowed I’d be cold and wet and I’d never get warm. But now? I can enjoy the beauty and elegance of snowfall because I know I’ll be warm and dry afterward.”
The simple words cut him to the quick. It physically hurt him that she’d led such a spartan, lonely existence. He didn’t know how she’d survived. If he thought too long about what could have happened to her, he came undone. He tried to focus on the fact that the past no longer mattered. That she was here with him and he wasn’t letting her go. That she never had to go back to that life.
But it wasn’t so simple, because that life had shaped her, made her into what she was today. She had wounds that hadn’t healed. Scars that ran soul deep. Insecurities that only time would appease.
He pulled her roughly into his arms, wanting her against him, more to comfort him than her. She was a lot more accepting of her past circumstances than he was.
“Thank you for this,” she whispered. “I’ll never forget tonight. The tree is beautiful. And that I got to see it with someone who cares about me . . .”
Care? He didn’t goddamn care. He loved her. With every part of himself. It was crazy. Insane. Lunatic, even. Shit like this didn’t happen in real life. You didn’t meet a woman and fall instantly and completely in love with her after only knowing her a little over a week.
But it did and he had.
Jesus.
“Jace?”
Her worried voice cut through his thoughts.
“Is something wrong?”
He slid his hand over her cheek and then bent his neck to kiss her. “Nothing’s wrong, baby. Things couldn’t be more right.”
She smiled, her eyes brightening and reflecting the glowing lights. Then she leaned up on tiptoes and kissed him. It was rare that she initiated any affection with him. Not because she didn’t want to. But she was reticent. Always conscious of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.
He lived for times just like this, when she forgot to worry about doing the wrong thing and she just let herself go.
Her lips moved warm over his, a contrast to the cold. So damn sweet. He wrapped his arms around her, lifting her so their mouths were on the same level. She laughed in delight as her feet dangled down his legs. Resting her arms on his shoulders, she looped her hands around his nape and then kissed him again.
“This was the best Christmas ever.”
He smiled. “I’m glad.”
Her expression sobered and the light died in her eyes. “I’m sorry I ruined things at your sister’s.”
“You didn’t ruin things, baby,” he said gently. “It was a lot to ask of you. I should have introduced you to them separately and before I threw you to the wolves at Christmas. I wasn’t thinking. I was too caught up in wanting you to meet them and spend time with them.”
She pressed her forehead to his and sighed softly over his lips. “I’m working on it, Jace. I swear I am. I’m trying not to overthink things and freak out. I want to be someone you can be proud of.”
At that his frown was fierce and quick. “I am proud of you, damn it,” he growled. “There isn’t a single goddamn thing about you that I’m ashamed of.”
“Okay, so maybe I want to be someone I can be proud of,” she whispered.
He squeezed her and then slowly put her back on the ground again. “One day you’ll see you like I see you, baby. If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to make it happen.”
