I nodded.
"It's always in the back of my mind," Victoria said. "All those years ago, when I came by your trailer and talked to Tolliver... I was just a rookie cop. I thought I could find her quick, and make a name for myself. That didn't happen. But now that I'm out on my own, I still look for her, everywhere I go."
I closed my eyes. I did, too.
Chapter Seven
AFTER Victoria left, I sat down on the chair next to the hospital bed. My right leg felt wobbly. It's the leg the lightning traveled down that afternoon in the trailer when the thunder was rumbling outside. I'd been getting ready for a date; it was a Saturday, or a Friday. I discovered I no longer remembered all the circumstances, which was a real shock.
I did recall I'd been looking in the bathroom mirror while I used a hair curling rod, which was plugged into the socket by the sink. The lightning came in through the open bathroom window. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back, half in and half out of the little room, and Tolliver was performing CPR, and the EMTs were taking over, and Matthew was yelling at them in the background. Mark was trying to shut him up.
My mom was passed out in their bedroom. I could see her sprawled across the bed if I turned my head to the left. One of the babies was screaming, probably Mariella. Cameron was standing pressed to the wall in the hall, her face soaked with tears and her expression distraught. There was a strange smell in the air. The hairs on my right arm were little crispy flakes. Nothing about me seemed to work.
"Your brother saved your life," the older man bending over me said. His voice sounded far away and it buzzed.
I tried to respond, but my mouth wouldn't work. I managed a tiny nod.
"Thank you, Jesus," Cameron said, the words almost incoherent because she was so choked up.
That scene in the trailer seemed more real to me than this Dallas hospital room. I could picture Cameron so clearly: long straight blond hair, brown eyes like Dad's. We didn't look that much alike, even a quick glance would tell you that; our faces were different shapes and so were our eyes. Cameron had freckles across her nose, and she was shorter, and her build was more compact than mine. Cameron and I both made good grades, but she was more popular. She worked at it.
I think Cameron would have managed much better if she hadn't been able to clearly remember the nice house in Memphis where we'd grown up, before our mom and dad had gone to hell. That memory also made her struggle to keep us up to a standard she held in her head. It made her crazy if we didn't look neat, clean, and prosperous. It made her nuts if anyone even suspected what our home life was like. Sometimes that frantic desire to keep up appearances at school made Cameron a little hard to reason with. To live with, truth be told. But she was absolutely loyal to her siblings, both step and full. She was determined to raise Mariella and Gracie as she deemed fit according to her shadowy memories of our respectable past. Cameron worked constantly to keep the trailer looking clean and orderly, and I was her deputy in that struggle.
Seeing Victoria had raised a lot of ghosts. While Tolliver slept, I remembered the years I'd expected to see my sister everywhere we went. I'd imagined that I'd turn around in a store, and she'd be the clerk who was waiting to ring up my purchases. Or she'd be the prostitute we passed on the street corner at night. Or she'd be the young matron pushing a stroller, the one with the long blond hair.
She hadn't been.
Once I'd even asked someone if she was named Cameron, because I was suddenly convinced that the young woman was my sister, a little aged and worn. I'd frightened her. I'd had to walk away quickly, because I'd known she would call the police if I said one more word.
In all those fantasies, I'd never once explained to myself how Cameron had gotten launched in this second life of hers, or why she hadn't called me or written me in all those years.
At first, I'd been convinced my sister had been abducted by a gang or sold into slavery, something violent and horrible. Later it had occurred to me that maybe she'd simply been fed up with her life: the tawdry parents and the tacky trailer, the sister who limped and looked abstracted, the baby sisters who never seemed to stay clean.
Most days, though, I was sure Cameron was dead.
I was yanked out of my unhappy reverie by the sudden appearance of one of the detectives from the night before. He came into the hospital room very quietly and stood looking down at my brother. Then he said, "How are you today, Miss Connelly?" in a voice that barely moved the air in the room, it was so hushed and even.
I stood up, because he made me nervous, with his silent entrance and hushed voice. He wasn't especially tall, maybe five foot nine, and he was thickset and had a heavy mustache flecked with gray. He wasn't anything like his partner, Parker Powers. This detective looked like a million other men. I tried to remember his name. Rudy something. Rudy Flemmons.
"I'm fine compared to my brother," I said, nodding down at the figure on the bed. "Have you got any ideas about who did this to him?"
"We found some cigarette butts in the parking lot, but they could have come from anyone. However, we bagged them just in case we ever get someone to compare the DNA to. Assuming the lab guys can get DNA." We did some more looking at the patient. Tolliver opened his eyes, smiled at me very slightly, and went back to sleep.
"Do you think they were really shooting at him?" the detective asked.
"They hit him," I said, a little confused at the question. Of course the shooter had been aiming at Tolliver.
"You think they might have been shooting at you?" Rudy Flemmons asked.
"Why?" That sounded stupid the minute it was out of my lips. "I mean, why shoot at me? You're saying you think the bullet hitting Tolliver was an accident, that it should have been me?"
"It might have been you," Flemmons said, "not should have been you."
"You're basing that on... what?"
"You're the dominant one in your little group of two," Flemmons said. "And your brother is strictly your support staff. You're the talent of the outfit. The chances are much higher of someone taking issue with you, rather than with Mr. Lang, here. I understand he doesn't have a girlfriend?"
This was the strangest policeman I'd ever talked to.
I sighed. Here it came again. "He does," I said.
"Who is she?" He'd even gotten out his little notebook.
"Me." Flemmons looked up, his eyes quizzical.
"Come again?" he said.
"He's not my brother by blood, you know." I was very tired of explaining our relationship.
"Right, you don't share parents," he said. He'd been doing his research.
"No, we don't. We're partners, in every sense of the word."
"Okeydokey. I got an interesting phone call this morning," Flemmons said, throwing the line away. I immediately became more alert.
"Yes? From whom?"
"From a detective on the Texarkana police force. Name of Peter Gresham. He's a friend of mine."
"What did he tell you?" I said and sighed. I really didn't want to hear yet another rehashing of my sister's disappearance. It had already been a "grieved about Cameron" day.
"He said there'd been a phone call about your sister."
"What kind of phone call?" There are more crackpots in the world than you can shake a stick at.
"Someone spotted her at the Texarkana mall."
I stopped breathing for a second. Then the air surged into my lungs in a choked gasp. "Cameron? Who saw her? Someone who used to know her?"
"It was an anonymous call. A male, calling from a pay phone."
"Oh," I said, feeling as though someone had punched me in the stomach. "But... how can I find out if that's true? Get that person to come forward? Is there any way?"
"You remember Pete Gresham? He was the primary on your sister's case."
I nodded. I did recall him, but not with much clarity. When I looked back on the bad, bad days immediately following Cameron's vanishing, they seemed like one big blur of anxiety to me. "He was a big guy," I said. I added, less certainly, "Wears cowboy boots all the time? He was losing his hair. He was young to be balding."
"Yeah, that's him. Pete's bald now. I think he shaves the little he has left in the hair department."
"So what did he do? About the phone call?"
"He viewed the security tapes."
"They tape inside the mall?"
"Some, and they tape the parking lot pretty good, Pete said."
"Was she there?" I thought I would scream if he didn't tell me.
"There was a woman who fits your sister's general description. But there's no clear shot of her face, and there's no real way to know whether or not it's Cameron Connelly."
"Can I see it?"
"I'll see if that can be arranged. Ordinarily, I guess, you'd want to drive over to Texarkana yourself, but with Mr. Lang here, and liable to stay in the hospital for a couple more days, maybe we can let you see them at our office."
"That would sure be wonderful if you can swing it," I said. "The round trip would be a long time to be away from him." I was trying to force myself to be calm.
Before I could stop myself, I bent over Tolliver and took hold of his hand. It was cold, and I told myself I'd have to ask the nurse for another blanket. "Hey, you," I said. "Did you hear the detective?"
"A little," Tolliver said. It was more of a mumble, but I could understand him.
"He's going to try to get the mall tapes here for me to see," I said. "Maybe we'll finally get a lead." It seemed incredible that Victoria and I had been discussing this very thing not an hour previously.
"Don't get your hopes up," Tolliver said, in a clearer voice. "This has happened before."
I didn't want to consider all the previous false sightings. "I understand," I said. "But maybe this time will be the charm, huh?"
"She wouldn't be the same," Tolliver said, his eyes fully open. "You know that, right? She wouldn't be the same."
I calmed down in a hurry. "Yes, I know," I told him. She would never be the same. Too many years had passed. Too much pain had been felt, too much... everything.
"If you need to go to Texarkana..." Tolliver began.
"I'm not leaving you," I said immediately.
"If you need to go, you go," he said.
"I appreciate that," I said. "But I'm not going while you're here in the hospital." I couldn't believe I said it, even as I listened to my own words. For years I'd been waiting to hear news of my sister. Now there was actually a lead, however odd and unreliable it sounded-and I was telling Tolliver I wasn't going to chase it down immediately.
I sat down in the chair by the bed. I laid my forehead against the cotton blanket that covered my brother. I'd never felt more committed.
Detective Flemmons had listened to our discussion with a blank face. He seemed to be reserving judgment on us, and I appreciated that, too.
He said, "I'll give you a call when we're ready."
"Thank you," I said, feeling a little numb.
When the detective was gone, Tolliver said, "It's only fair."
"What?"
"You got shot for me. Now I got shot for you, if he's right. You think the shooter was aiming for you?"
"Huh," I said. "The difference is, when I got shot, she almost missed me. I mean, it was just a graze. Whoever shot you did a better job."
"So," he said, "I get shot by more efficient people."
"I think that pain medication must be pretty damn good."
"The best," he said dreamily.
I smiled. It wasn't often Tolliver was so relaxed. I didn't want to think about Cameron anymore, because I didn't know what I wished for.
His dad knocked on the door of the room and stepped in before we could say yes or no. Our peaceful moment was shot all to hell.
Matthew was looking a little ragged, not too surprising considering how late we'd been up the night before; and he'd told me he'd had the morning shift at McDonald's. Clearly he'd taken the time to shower after he'd been at work, because he didn't have the distinctive McDonald's smell.
"Tolliver, your dad helped me while we called for an ambulance," I said, because I had to give the devil his due. "And he came to the hospital until they said you were out of danger."
"You sure he didn't shoot me, too?"
If I hadn't lived with Matthew Lang for several years, I would have been shocked through and through.
Matthew himself gave a good impression of a man hurt to the core. "Son, how can you believe that?" he asked, simultaneously wounded and angry. "I know I wasn't the best dad..."
"Not the best dad? You remember the time you held a gun to Cameron's head and told me you would blow her brains out if I didn't tell you where I'd hidden your stash?"
Matthew's shoulders slumped. I think he'd managed to forget that little incident.
"And then you ask me how I can believe you'd shoot me." If Tolliver's voice hadn't been so weak, it would have been hot with sheer rage; as it was, Tolliver's words sounded so sad I could have wept for him. "It's real easy to believe, Dad."
"But I wouldn't have done it," Matthew Lang said. "I loved that girl. I loved all of you. I was just a damn junkie, Tolliver. I was a mess, and I know it. I'm asking for your forgiveness, now that I'm clean and sober. I won't screw up again, son."
