My breath came in spasms, ripping through my lungs, a thousand knives in my throat. “He … he had to … if he died here, in the past … I would never have met him …”
“I wish that’s the way it worked, but it isn’t.” Liam gently took both my hands in his.
“We have to find him. We have to take him back.” I tried to pull my hands away, tried to stand, but Liam had the same massive strength his son did. Even my rage didn’t sway his steady hold. “Please,” I cried openly, begging, “let me go, please.”
He whispered, “There’s nothing to find, Emerson.”
“No. No!” I insisted. “The police only found a few bones in the ruins of the lab. If the cadaver and Michael were both in the building, there would’ve been more.”
“All of that could depend on where the fire started … how hot it grew. What kind of fire it was.”
“What?” I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to. The sound of alarms grew closer, and Liam pushed himself into a crouch to peer over the retaining wall.
“We have to get out of here, get back through the bridge before someone sees us. We can’t afford to upset the continuum now.”
“You’re going back?”
“I can’t let you go back alone.”
“I’m not leaving.” I ran my hands across the stone terrace seeking purchase, anything I could hold on to. My tears flowed so furiously they blinded me. “I’m not leaving without Michael.”
“Emerson, we’re about to be surrounded by firemen and policemen. We’ve got to get back to where the car is hidden before we’re trapped.”
“I can’t leave without him, Liam. I can’t.”
“Sweetheart. He’s already gone.”
Chapter 47
All hell broke loose when we exited the bridge into the kitchen.
Cat gasped and turned unnaturally pale, covering her mouth with her hands. Dune and Kaleb seemed to freeze in place. Nate spoke first.
“Dr. Ballard? You’re alive!” Nate rushed over to us to gape at Liam in disbelief, touching his arm tentatively.
“That’s why I couldn’t feel you,” Kaleb said, staring at his father. “I really thought you were dead, because I couldn’t feel you. But you weren’t. You aren’t. You just didn’t exist.” His face crumpled, and for a split second he looked exactly like a little boy. “Dad?”
Liam moved toward Kaleb and extended his arms. In two steps Kaleb was across the room, his father wrapping him in a hug.
I backed out of the room slowly. I didn’t know where to go.
Cat followed, eyeing me cautiously. “Emerson?”
“Michael’s gone.” A full-body chill overtook me. “He was in the building when it …”
She looked away from me.
“Cat?” I’d thought I was too numb to feel anything, but her avoidance of my eyes ripped my heart to shreds. Every slash was a moment lost with Michael. “Cat? Why don’t you seem surprised? Talk to me.”
She exhaled deeply. “The day after you, Kaleb, and Michael visited me at the college, he came back to see me by himself. He asked me to open a bridge to the future.”
“No.” The word was a plea. It couldn’t be true.
“That’s when he found out that you made it back.” Now she met my eyes. “And that he didn’t.”
“No!” I wrapped my arms around my waist, holding myself together, my body warring against my emotions. “Please, please no.”
“He wouldn’t tell me what else he saw, just that he wasn’t with you. I know he cared for you so much. I know he wanted you to be part of his future.”
“Don’t tell me that.” I wanted it all to go away. Disappear like rips did when I popped them. “Why did we even go back if he was going to … Why?”
“I’m not sure, but I know Michael believed Liam had to be saved. I think he chose the greater good—what was best for every-one over what was best for him personally. There’s a heavy responsibility that comes with your gift, and he always understood that.”
“It’s not a gift,” I spat out. “It’s a curse.”
“Emerson!” Cat gasped, finally noticing my injuries. “You’re bleeding!”
“It’s fine,” I insisted through chattering teeth.
“No, it’s not. You’re shaking, probably going into shock.” She grabbed the blanket from the couch and tucked it around my shoulders. “We need to get you to the emergency room.”
“No hospital. I can’t. I don’t want to.” I looked up at her, my very life depending on her answer. “If he took precautions, if he somehow survived the fire and found a bridge, could he get back through without you and your exotic matter?”
Her face was full of pity. “Emerson—”
“Could he get back through?”
“It’s a possibility.” The look of pity didn’t fade, and somewhere, deep down, I knew she was telling me what I wanted to hear.
I turned to stare at the grandfather clock in the corner. Half past midnight.
“I’m going to wait for him.”
“At least sit down before you collapse.” Cat helped me onto the couch, placing pillows behind my back. “Let me look at your cuts—”
“Don’t touch me. Okay?” I forced myself to keep my voice steady, at a normal volume. “I’m fine.”
“But—”
“Please!” I could feel myself edging toward hysteria with every second that passed. I needed her out. “I’m fine. Please leave me alone.”
“I can’t, you’re hurt—”
“Cat?” I didn’t want to break, and if she didn’t leave me alone, didn’t stop talking about Michael … I knew I might.
She left me.
I hoped and prayed that there was some possibility he’d survived. That by some miracle he could come back to me.
I sat in the dark, waiting. The grandfather clock in the entryway sounded the hour.
One.
I barely noticed when Nate and Dune headed up to bed. Dune started to say something, but stopped when he saw my face.
An hour passed; the clock sounded twice.
Cat came in to check on me but didn’t speak. I ignored her, turning my body to face the clock, still as stone, watching the hands move. The house slowly went quiet, the only sounds the occasional creaks and pops common in older homes. I thought I heard Kaleb and Liam walk past, but I was too fixated on the time to pay close attention.
Dawn came. The sunrise brought no hope.
When the chimes sounded seven times, I stood, pushed the blanket to the floor, and walked up the stairs to Michael’s bed. Alone.
He wasn’t coming back.
Chapter 48
I knew who it was the second the door opened. He would be the only one who would come looking for me here, the only one who wouldn’t be afraid to come in without knocking. He wouldn’t ask for permission to enter because he knew I’d say no.
Kaleb wouldn’t take no from me.
He crossed the room to the bed where I lay curled up in a ball, holding on to Michael’s pillow and breathing in his scent. Kaleb reached out to touch me, but caught himself when he saw me flinch. I couldn’t help it. The last time someone had touched me in this room, it had been Michael.
