"You never answered about you and Avi."
"We had some issues. But everything's great now."
"Really?"
I think about Avi, and how I can't imagine him out of my life. I'm glad I decided to give us another chance, because I don't want to be an urban myth. I want us to be real. And being real means dealing with real issues (and drama, because my name is Amy Nelson-Barak and I can't avoid it).
I stand by the doorway to see if Avi is in the hallway. Nobody on the moshav locks their doors. Everyone is like family, so they just walk into each other's houses as if they live there. I can't imagine me just prancing into Mr. Ober-meyer's condo in our building without knocking. If he owned a gun, he'd shoot first and ask questions later.
"Shaloml Earth to Amy." I look over at my cousin, who's waving her hand at me. "Are you daydreaming about Avi again? Listen, since I'm not dating anyone, maybe next summer before my military service I'll come visit you in America to meet American boys. I'm sick of Israeli guys."
I hear the front door open and my heart leaps when I see Avi. He's wearing black sweats and a T-shirt. When he smiles at me, a warm calmness spreads over my body. I think God definitely had something to do with bringing us together. Life is too short not to be with the person you love the most, even if you have to work through both of your emotional baggage while you're together. Who better to deal with your issues than a person who loves you?
"Hey," he says. "You okay?"
"I am now that you're here," I answer back as I hug his waist and bury my head into his chest.
Osnat pretends to gag. "Ugh, please get out of here before I catch whatever love disease you have."
"Come on," I say, leading Avi to Osnat's room.
He watches from the guest bed while I blow-dry my hair. Afterward, I sit next to him while he takes the extra gauze the nurse on the base gave me and carefully rewraps my forearms.
"I hope one day I can take care of you," I tell him.
"You already do. You're a constant reminder that life is not one-dimensional. I forget that sometimes."
I lean my back against his chest and hold his arms around me. I feel so safe and protected wrapped in his arms.
"I've got to report back to the base in two days," he says quietly. "We might not get to see each other after that. I assume you're not going back to the base."
There's so much I want to tell him right here, right now. I turn around and sit on my knees, facing him. "I need to say some stuff, Avi. And I need to say it before I lose my nerve, so don't interrupt me." I take a deep breath, hold his hands in mine, and look into the depths of his eyes. I can get lost in those chocolate depths so easily. "I admire you so much... the way you lead by example... the incredible drive you have to succeed at whatever you're doing... the way you know how to lead our group with authority, but you can also follow directions like you do with Sergeant Ben-Shimon... I admire the skills you possess in so many different areas... I love the way you protect the ones you love... I love the passion you have for your country and your willingness and dedication to protect it at all costs..."
I cup Avi s cheek in my hand. "I think God had something to do with us getting together, because we're so different. But I seriously think we were meant to be together."
He swipes away tears falling down my cheeks. "God definitely had something to do with it. Amy?"
"Yeah?"
"I think we can do it. You know, just date each other. Nobody else."
"You do?"
He nods.
"Me, too." One by one, my worries and fears and insecurities start melting away.
I lay my head in Avi s lap and he runs his fingers through my hair.
"I should leave," he says after a while.
I wrap my arms around him, holding tight. I know that if he leaves I'll be more of a mess than I already am. Avi makes me stronger. "No. Please don't go. Not yet." I look up at him, this boy/man who challenges me to be a better, stronger person. According to Liron's assessment, I've ruined his Israeli warrior reputation and he's still unconditionally by my side. I don't know if anyone else in this universe could handle me except a guy like Avi.
I hear the front door open. I'm too weak to sit up. My dad cracks the door to my room a minute later. "Amy, you up?
"Yeah. Just so you know, Avis with me."
"Oh." If it was any other time, my dad would order Avi out. And maybe even threaten his life. But he sees Avi comforting me and his face softens. "Just... keep the door open. Okay? And no touching... things... things, um, things you're not supposed to be touching."
Yeah, that's how comfortable my dad is talking about sex. He stutters and hesitates and then asks me to talk to my mom. Unfortunately for him, my mom is back in the United States.
My dad is about to give us privacy when Avi calls out, "Ron?"
My dad stops and asks, "Mah?" which means "what" in Hebrew.
"Todah rabah." Thank you very much.
My dad's response is a nod.
Avi slides his body behind me on the bed and holds me tight the entire night. I think he stayed up all night. When I woke up and cried against his chest, he caressed my hair and wiped the tears from my face. When I whispered my fears about Safta dying an hour later, he listened, gave support, and rubbed my back until I fell back asleep. And when I open my eyes in the morning, he's watching me sleep.
"You must be exhausted," I say, my body curling into the warmth of his body heat. It feels so good in his arms, it almost lulls me back to sleep. But thoughts of Safta bring me back to reality.
After a quick breakfast, Avi drives me and my dad to the hospital a half hour away. My uncle and Osnat follow in their car. While my dad and Uncle Chime talk to the doctors and nurses about the next test to determine what's wrong with Safta, and Osnat goes to the cafeteria to get coffee, I sit next to Sofia's bed. Avi leans against the window sill off to the side, giving me privacy.
My grandmother slowly opens her eyes. It takes her a minute to adjust to her surroundings, but when her eyes focus on me she has an apologetic look on her face. She pulls off the oxygen mask. "Amy, motek, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at boot camp."
"I came to make sure you're okay. And to be with you.
"I don't want... you to see me like this. It's no fun in a hospital watching some tired old lady sleep."
"You're not just some old lady," I tell her while I give her a gentle hug. "You're my safia. How are you feeling?"
"Like an old lady." Her wrinkled, frail hand reaches out and fingers the tiny Jewish star diamond pendant around my neck. She gave it to me last summer during my visit. "I'm so happy you're wearing it."
"I wear it every day. It reminds me of you."
She smiles that sweet grandma smile that makes me feel like everything in my life will be okay. "Are you having a nice vacation?"
"Well, being on the army base hasn't been much of a vacation. Avis my unit leader," I say, gesturing to Avi over by the window.
"Avi, come closer. I can't see you all the way over there," Safia says, waving him over. "My eyes aren't what they used to be."
Avi kisses my safia on the cheek. He's known her since he was born. Last night he told me she's like a second grandmother to him. "Mah nishmah? --How are you?"
"Beseder --I'm fine. I got a little dizzy. I wish my children wouldn't declare it a national emergency."
"Ima, stop talking nonsense," my dad interrupts her as he comes into the room. "You were unconscious when Yucky found you. Don't brush it off as if nothing happened."
She shoos my dad away. "Go eat something in the cafeteria, Ron, and leave me alone with the young teenagers here." My dad starts to protest, but gives up when she raises her eyebrows and makes another "go away" hand gesture.
Ooh, I can just imagine her staring at him with raised eyebrows when he was a kid. My dad is a total guys' guy --muscular, masculine, and full of testosterone. Knowing that his frail old mom can make him back off with a raised eyebrow and a hand gesture amuses me to no end.
Once my dad is out of sight, Sofia turns to Avi. "Is my granddaughter a good soldier?"
Yeah, umm... no need to let my sweet, old, sick grandmother know I suck at being a soldier. I mean, seriously, the woman dressed as a boy to fight on the front lines. Knowing that her own flesh and blood can't even scale a wall or aim a gun without having a few stray bullets hit other people's targets could kill her. I take Sofia's hand and pat it. "Why don't we talk about something else?" Preferably a topic that doesn't have to do with what a spaz I really am.
"She's definitely challenging herself," Avi says to Sofia. "Right, Amy?"
"I shot an Ml6," I say, but don't tell her I hit other people's targets more often than my own.
"I did the obstacle course," I continue, but don't tell her I had to be escorted up the rope and had to step on people's backs during my first attempt on the monkey bars.
"I even picked bees out of the jam when I had kitchen duty." I don't mention the whole bee/Nathan/tongue incident, either.
She fingers the bandages on my arms. "What happened to you?"
"Yeah, that. I went on a night run up a mountain. The mountain and I kinda got into a fight. The mountain won."
"That's not true," Avi tells her. "Amy won. She took a hard fall, but kept going."
I guess he's right. I'm still new at looking at things in a positive light.
Sofia rubs her fingers over my fingernails, which are totally trashed from boot camp. "I'm so proud of you, Amy."
"Me, too," Avi adds.
"Avi needs to be back at the base tomorrow," I tell her. "He only got a forty-eight-hour leave."
"Aren't you still supposed to be there?"
"Yeah, but I'm not going back. I want to be here with you."
"For what?" my safta asks.
I don't want to say it. I can't talk about death with the person I'm afraid is dying. "For you. What if, you know, you're really sick?"
"I'm not going to die so quickly, motek --sweetheart. But even if I did, I'd die happier knowing you're doing what you're supposed to do--live--instead of watching an old lady die." Safta, who seemed so weak a second ago, points her small finger at me. Her face gets stern and spunky, and it's another glimpse into her life as a woman ready to fight for something she believes in. "You're Amy Nelson-Barak. Do you know what Barak means in Hebrew?"
I shake my head.
"It means 'lightning.' Amy, you're a true Barak, inside and out. You have a fighting spirit. No Barak is a quitter, you hear me? Now, make me proud and go back to finish boot camp... and be a Barak."
I think my safia can give Sergeant B-S a run for his money.
Chapter 23
Who knew the best times of your life can come out of the worst situations?
We stay at the hospital all day, waiting for test results. Her white blood cell counts were low, but rose as the day wore on. Tomorrow, her doctor plans to do full scans to make sure her cancer hasn't spread, but my dad assures me her life isn't in immediate danger.
