It was just like the thing with Cory. Taylor did what she wanted to do, and she didn’t care what I thought about it. She never cared what I thought about it. It wasn’t just her fault though, because I let her.
After I brushed my teeth, I put on Taylor’s pajamas and got into bed. I was deliberating over whether or not to read a book before I went to sleep, one of the old paperbacks on my shelf, when someone knocked on my door. I pulled the covers up to my neck and said, “Come in!”
It was Jeremiah. He closed the door behind him and sat at the foot of my bed. “Hey,” he whispered.
I loosened the grip on my covers. It was only Jeremiah. “Hey. What’s going on? Did you talk to him?”
“Not yet. I’m gonna ease up on him tonight and try again tomorrow. I’m just trying to lay down the groundwork first, plant some seeds.” He gave me a conspiratorial look. “You know how he is.”
I did. “Okay. That sounds good.”
He held his hand out for a high five. “Don’t worry. We’ve got this.”
I high-fived him. “We’ve got this,” I repeated. I could hear the doubt in my voice, but Jeremiah just smiled like it was already a done deal.
Chapter nineteen
jeremiah
When Belly got up to go to bed, I knew she wanted me to stay and try to talk to Conrad about school. I knew it because when we were little kids, we used to practice ESP on each other. Belly was convinced I could read her mind and she could read mine. The truth was, I could just read Belly. Whenever she was about to tell a lie, her left eye squinted a little. Whenever she was nervous, she sucked in her cheeks before she spoke. She was an easy read, always had been.
I looked over at Conrad. “Wanna get up early and surf tomorrow?” I asked him.
“Sure,” he said.
Tomorrow I would talk to him about school and how important it was to go back. Everything would work out.
We watched some more TV, and when Conrad fell asleep on the couch, I went upstairs to my room. Down the hall, Belly’s light was still on. I went over and stood outside her door and knocked softly. I felt like such an idiot standing outside her doorway, knocking. When we were kids, we just ran in and out of each other’s rooms without thinking. I wished it was still as simple as that.
“Come in,” she said.
I walked in and sat at the edge of her bed. When I realized she was already in her pajamas, I almost turned right back around and left. I had to remind myself that I’d seen her in her pajamas a million times before, and what was the big deal? But she used to always wear a big T-shirt like the rest of us, and now she was wearing some skimpy pink top with little straps. I wondered if it was comfortable to sleep in.
Chapter twenty
july 4
When I woke up the next morning, I didn’t get out of bed right away. I just laid there and pretended like it was any other morning at the summer house. My sheets smelled the same; my stuffed bear, Junior Mint, was still sitting on the dresser. It was just like always. Susannah and my mother were taking a walk on the beach, and the boys were eating all the blueberry muffins and leaving me with my mother’s Kashi cereal. There would be about an inch of milk left, and no juice, either. It used to infuriate me; now I smiled at the thought.
But it was all make-believe. I knew that. There was no mother, no brother, no Susannah here.
Even though I had gone to bed early the night before, I slept late. It was already almost eleven. I had slept for twelve hours. I hadn’t slept that well in weeks.
I got out of bed and went to look out my window. Looking out my bedroom window at the summer house always made me feel better. I wished every window looked out at an ocean, nothing but miles and miles of sand and sea. Down the beach, Jeremiah and Conrad were bobbing on surfboards in black wetsuits. It was such a familiar sight. And just like that, I was hopeful. Maybe Jeremiah was right. Maybe Conrad would come back with us after all.
And then I would go back home, away from him and from everything he reminded me of. I would lay out at the neighborhood pool and I would hang by the snack bar with Taylor, and pretty soon the summer would go by. I would forget how it used to be.
This time really was the last time.
Before I did anything else, I called Taylor. I explained how we were all in Cousins, how we just needed to convince Conrad to go back to school and finish out summer session.
The first thing she said was, “Belly, what do you think you’re doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. This whole situation is retarded. You should be at home where you belong.”
I sighed. No matter how many times I asked her not to say “retarded,” she still did. She even had a little cousin with Down Syndrome. I think she did it on purpose because she knew it bothered me.
“What do you care if Conrad is a college dropout?” she said. “Let him be a loser if he wants.”
Even though I knew no one could hear me, I lowered my voice. “He’s going through a lot right now. He needs us.”
“He needs his brother. Who, by the way, is hotter than him, hello! Conrad doesn’t need you. He cheated on you, remember?”
I was whispering now. “He didn’t cheat on me and you know it. We were already broken up. It’s not like we were ever even a real couple in the first place.” The last part was hard to say.
“Oh, right—he didn’t cheat on you, he dumped you right after the prom. What an amazing guy. Gaylord.”
I ignored her. “Will you please still cover for me if my mom calls?”
She sniffed. “Duh. I happen to be a loyal friend.”
“Thank you. Oh, and thank you so much for taking all my clothes.”
“You’re welcome,” she said all smug. “And Belly?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t lose sight of the mission at hand.”
“Well, Jeremiah’s been working on him—”
“Not that, dummy. I’m talking about the mission . You have to get Conrad to want you back, and then you have to rebuff him. Brutally.”
I was glad we were on the phone so she couldn’t see me roll my eyes. But the thing was, she had a point. Taylor never got hurt because she was the one who was in charge. She called the shots. Boys wanted her, not the other way around. She was always quoting that line from Pretty Woman , the one about being a hooker. “I say who, I say when, I say who.”
It wasn’t that the idea didn’t appeal to me. It was just that it would never work. Getting Conrad to notice me the first time around, however briefly, had been nearly impossible. It wouldn’t work a second time.
