“I never thought of that. I never thought of it!”
“You didn’t? I was sure you had. You learned it first, after all.”
“I tried not even to think about what we couldn’t tell the sisters.” Nynaeve’s voice was flat as ice and about as cold and hard. “And now it is too late. I’m too tired to channel if you set my hair on fire, and if they have their way, I will be too tired forever. The only reason they let me go tonight was that I couldn’t find saidar even when Nisao. . . .” She shuddered, and then her hands began moving again, smoothing in the cream.
Elayne let out a small breath. She had very nearly put her foot in it. She was tired, too. Admitting you had been wrong always made the other person feel better, but she hadn’t meant to mention using saidar for disguises. From the first she had been afraid Nynaeve would do that. Here, at the very least, they could keep an eye on what the Salidar Aes Sedai intended, and maybe pass word to Rand through Egwene, once she returned to Tel’aran’rhiod. At the worst, they might have some small influence, through Siuan and Leane.
As if the thought were a summons, the door opened to admit just those women. Leane carried a wooden tray with bread and a bowl of soup, a red pottery cup and a white-glazed pitcher. There was even a sprig of green leaves in a tiny blue vase. “Siuan and I thought you might be hungry, Nynaeve. I hear the Yellows used you hard.”
Elayne was uncertain whether she should rise or not. It was just Siuan and Leane, but they were Aes Sedai again. At least, she thought they were. The two solved the problem by sitting, Siuan on the foot of Elayne’s bed, Leane on Nynaeve’s. Nynaeve eyed them both suspiciously before sitting up with her back against the wall and taking the tray on her knees.
“I heard a rumor you addressed the Hall, Siuan,” Elayne said carefully. “Should we have curtsied?”
“Do you mean are we Aes Sedai again, girl? We are. They wrangled like fishwives on Sunday, but they granted that much at least.” Siuan exchanged glances with Leane, and Siuan’s cheeks colored faintly. Elayne suspected she would never learn what had not been granted.
“Myrelle was kind enough to find me and let me know,” Leane said into the momentary silence. “I think I am going to choose Green.”
Nynaeve choked around her spoon. “What do you mean? Can you change Ajahs?”
“No, you cannot,” Siuan told her. “But what the Hall decided is that although we are Aes Sedai, for a time we weren’t. And since they insist on believing that codswallop was legal, all our ties, binds, associations and titles went overboard.” Her voice was wry enough to rasp wood. “Tomorrow I ask the Blues whether they’ll have me back. I’ve never heard of an Ajah turning anybody down—by the time you’re raised from Accepted, you’ve been guided to the right Ajah whether you know it or not—but the way matters are proceeding, I wouldn’t be completely surprised if they slammed the door on my foot.”
“How are matters proceeding?” Elayne asked. There was something here. Siuan bullied, prodded, twisted your arm; she did not bring soup, sit on your bed and chat like a friend. “I thought everything was going as well as could be expected.” Nynaeve gave her a stare that managed to be incredulous and haggard at the same time. Well, Nynaeve ought to know what she meant.
Siuan twisted around to face her, but she included Nynaeve as well. “I went by Logain’s house. Six sisters are maintaining his shield, the same as when he was captured. He tried to break free when he found out we knew he had been Healed, and they said if only five had been holding the shield, he might have. So he’s as strong as he ever was, or close enough to make no difference. I’m not. Neither is Siuan. I want you to try again, Nynaeve.”
“I knew it!” Nynaeve flung her spoon down on the tray. “I knew you had some reason for this! Well, I’m too tired to channel, and it wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t. You can’t Heal what has been Healed. You get out of here, and take your vile-tasting soup with you!” Less than half the vile-tasting soup remained, and it was a big bowl.
“I know it won’t work!” Siuan snapped back. “This morning I knew stilling couldn’t be Healed!”
“A moment, Siuan,” Leane said. “Nynaeve, do you realize what we are risking, coming here together? This isn’t a room in an alley with your archer friend standing guard; there are women all through this house, with eyes to see and tongues to talk. If it is found out that Siuan and I have been playing a game with everybody—even ten years from now—well, suffice it to say, Aes Sedai can be given penance, and we would very likely still be on a farm hoeing cabbages after our hair turns white. We came because of what you did for us, to make a fresh start.”
“Why didn’t you go to one of the Yellows?” Elayne asked. “Most of them must know as much about it as Nynaeve by now.” Nynaeve glared indignantly around the spoon. Vile-tasting?
Siuan and Leane exchanged looks, and at last Siuan said reluctantly, “If we go to a sister, everybody knows, soon or late. If Nynaeve does it, maybe anybody who managed to weigh us today will think they were mistaken. Supposedly, all sisters are equal, and there have been Amyrlins who barely managed to channel enough to earn the shawl, but Amyrlins and the heads of Ajahs aside, by custom, if another is stronger in the Power than you, you’re expected to give way to her.”
“I don’t understand,” Elayne said. She was getting quite a lesson out of this; the hierarchy made sense, but she supposed it was one of those things you did not learn until you actually were Aes Sedai. One way and another, she had picked up enough hints to suspect that in many ways your education only began when you put on the shawl. “If Nynaeve can Heal you again, then you’re stronger.”
Leane shook her head. “No one has ever been Healed from stilling before. Maybe the others will see it, say like being wilders. That puts you a little lower than your strength. Maybe having been weaker will count something. If Nynaeve couldn’t Heal us all the way the first time, maybe she’ll only take us to two-thirds what we were, or half. Even that would be better than now, but still most here would be as strong, and a good many stronger.” Elayne stared, more confused than before. Nynaeve looked as if she had been hit between the eyes.
“Everything goes into it,” Siuan explained. “Who learned fastest, who spent the least time as novice and Accepted. There are all sorts of shadings. You can’t say precisely how strong anyone is. Two women might seem to be the same strength; maybe they are and maybe not, but the only way to say for certain would be a duel, and the Light be blessed, we’re above that. Unless Nynaeve returns us to our full strength, we run the risk of s
