AFTER JIM AND I WERE FINISHED WITH SAIMAN, Jim dropped me and the Pack horse at my apartment. I wanted to go back with him. I wanted to be there in case Derek woke up. I had this irrational idea that my staying close would somehow fix him.
But it wouldn't. If I had gone back with Jim, I wouldn't have slept, and I needed sleep and food badly. The Reapers wouldn't take kindly to having one of their own knocked out of their lineup. If Saiman managed to deliver on his promise, they might come after us. I needed to be rested and sharp. So I took a shower, scrubbing every square inch of my skin and hair with scented soap to kill the smell of Jim's posse, ate cold beef with black bread, tomato, and a little cheese, took a much-prized and expensive aspirin, and passed out.
I awoke at eight because my phone rang. I raised my head off my pillow and stared at it. It rang and rang, filling my head with noise. The answering machine came on and a familiar voice made me sit straight up.
"Kate."
Curran. Oy. Two hours of sleep wasn't sufficient to deal with him.
"Call me as soon as you can."
I picked up the phone. "I'm here."
"You're screening your calls?"
"Why not? It saves me from conversation with idiots."
"Is that an insult?" His voice dropped into a deep growl.
"You're not an idiot," I told him. "You're just a deadly psychopath with a god complex. What is it you want?"
"Have you seen Jim?"
"Nope."
"He didn't call you?"
"Nope." But his goons beat the daylights out of me.
"What about Derek?"
"Nope. Haven't seen him either."
There was a momentary pause. "You're lying."
Shit. "Now what would make you think that?"
"You didn't ask me if Derek is okay, Kate."
That will teach me to have delicate diplomatic conversations first thing in the morning.
"That's because I don't care. You told me you'd bring me in on the investigation. You promised me full cooperation and interviews. That was Friday morning. It's Sunday now.
Forty-eight hours have passed. You blew me off, Curran. Just like always. Because you expect me to trip over my feet in a rush to help you, but the precious Pack can't cooperate with outsiders. What you hear in my voice is apathy." And bullshit. Lots and lots of bullshit.
"You're rambling."
Curran two, Kate zero.
"This is very important, Kate. Jim defied me. He's refused a direct order to pull his crew in. I can't let it stand. He has seventy-two hours to decide what to do. Then I'll have to find him."
"You've known Jim for years. Doesn't he get the benefit of the doubt?"
"Not for this." The hard shell on Curran's voice broke. The alpha vanished for a moment, leaving a man in his place. "I don't want to have to find him."
I swallowed. "I'd imagine he doesn't want you to find him either."
"Then help me. Tell me what you know."
"No."
He sighed. "For one moment, forget it's me. Put aside your ego. I'm the Beast Lord. You're a member of the Order. You're subordinate to me in this investigation. I order you to disclose the information. Do your job."
It stung. I was doing my job to the best of my ability. "You're mistaken. I'm not subordinate to you. You and I are on equal footing."
"I see. Is Jim with you now?"
"Yes, he is. We're having rough sex. You're interrupting."
I hung up.
The phone rang again.
Answering machine. ". . . not helping, Ka . . ."
I picked up the phone, held it for a second, and hung up. I didn't want to lie to Curran. Even if it was for his own sake. Making shit up and trading witty barbs just wasn't in me at the moment.
My bedroom was full of comfortable gloom, except for a narrow slash of light, which snuck through the gap between my curtains to fall right on my face. I stuck a pillow on my head.
I was drifting off into dreamland, the pillow on my head blocking the annoyingly persistent ray of light, when I heard a key turn in my lock. My door swung open.
The only person with a key to my place was the super, and he would never enter unannounced.
I forced myself to lie still, my limbs loose. Some picture I presented: my butt in white cotton panties sticking out, my head under the pillow. Not the most advantageous fighting stance.
I lay, hyperaware, all my senses straining. Very soft footsteps approached the bed. Closer.
Closer.
Now!
I whipped about, launching a sweeping kick. It caught the intruder in the midsection, eliciting a distinctly male groan, and he went down. I leapt off the bed and lunged for Slayer, but it wasn't where I'd left it. I dropped and saw it far under the bed. He'd kicked it on his way down.
A steel hand grasped my ankle. I flipped on my back and hammered a kick into his shoulder that had the entire force of my body behind it.
He groaned and I saw his face. "Curran!" I would've preferred a homicidal lunatic. Oh, wait . . .
That second of amazement cost me: he lunged at me, knocked my arm aside as if it were nothing, and pinned me to the floor. His legs clamped mine. He held my right arm above my head, my left between our bodies, and leaned, his face only inches from mine, my side touching his chest.
He wrapped me up like a package. I couldn't move an inch.
"I thought you were some sort of maniac!" I growled.
"I am."
"What are you doing here?"
"Looking for Jim in your bed."
"He isn't here."
"I see that."
Little golden sparks danced in his dark gray eyes. He looked terribly pleased with himself and slightly hungry.
I squirmed away from him, but he just clamped me tighter. It felt like fighting in a straitjacket made of heated steel. There was absolutely no give in him. Pinned by his Beastly Majesty. I'd never live that down.
"You can let me go now," I told him.
"Do I have your permission?"
"Yes, you do. I promise not to hurt you."
A hint of a grin curved his mouth. He had no plans to let me go. And I couldn't outmuscle him. Crap.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
He bobbed his head up and down, the smile like a smudge of white paint across his face.
"How did you get in?"
"I have my ways."
The light dawned on me. He was the one who had replaced my door two months ago, because I was rather busy trying not to die. "You kept a key to my apartment. You bastard. How often do you come here?"
"Once in a while."
"Why?"
"To check on you. Saves me the trouble of sitting by the phone waiting for your 'come and rescue me' calls."
"You don't have to be troubled: there won't be any more calls. I'd rather die than call you."
"That's what worries me," he said.
His legs pinned mine, his thighs hard like they were carved of wood. His chest pressed against my breasts. If I could turn a little to the right, my butt would slide against his groin. A little to the left and my face would end up in his neck.
"I'm not one of your subjects," I told him. He was entirely too close, too warm, and too real.
"I don't follow your orders and I sure as hell don't need your protection."
"Mmhm," he said. He apparently found my face incredibly fascinating, because he kept looking at me, at my eyes, at my mouth . . .
"Do you ever come here when I'm here?"
"Occasionally."
"I would've heard you."
"You put in twelve hours and get wiped out, and I'm very quiet." His hold eased a little. I lay limp. That was it - lure him into a false sense of security. We weren't that far from the night table, and under the table on the bottom shelf was a dagger.
"The Beast Lord - my own personal stalker. Gee, every girl's dream."
"I don't engage in stalking."
I stared at him in disbelief. "And what do you call this?" "This I call controlling my opponent so she doesn't injure me."
"What else do you do while you're here? Read my mail? Look through my underwear?"
"No. I don't go through your things. I just come once in a while to make sure you're in one piece. I like knowing you're safe, asleep in your bed. I haven't stolen anything . . ."
I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.
He lay still. "I give up," he said and smiled. "Your move."
Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?
Curran's gaze fixed on a point on my shoulder. "That's a claw mark," he said, his voice gaining a hard edge. "Wolf. Who?"
"Nobody!" Oh, now there was a brilliant answer. He would believe that.
"One of mine?" Gold flashed in his eyes like lightning.
Well, since every shapeshifter in Atlanta was one of his, that kind of answered itself, didn't it?
"Since when do you give a crap about my welfare anyway? I think you're confused as to the nature of our relationship. You and I, we don't get along. You're a psychopathic control freak.
You order me around and I want to kill you. I'm a pigheaded insubordinate ass. I drive you mad and you want to strangle me."
"Once! I did it once!"
"Once was plenty. The point is, we don't play nice. We - "
He jerked his arms out from under my knees, pulled me to him, oblivious to the dagger, and kissed me.
His tongue brushed my lips. Heat rolled through me. His hand caught in my hair. Suddenly I wanted to know how he tasted. He'd kissed me before, just before we'd fought the Red Stalker. I'd been remembering that kiss for four months now. It couldn't have been as good as my memory made it out to be. I should kiss him and exorcise that phantom kiss so I would never think of it again. I opened my mouth and let him in.
Oh. My. God. The Universe exploded.
He tasted intoxicating, like wild wine.
I sank against him, drunk on his taste and his scent, seduced by the feel of his hard body wrapped around mine. My head swam.
Kiss me more. Kiss me again. Kiss me, Curran.
What the hell was wrong with me?
"No!" I struggled against the stone wall of his chest. He held on a moment too long and released me with a low, hungry growl. I jumped off him and backed away, unsteady on my feet. "Are you out of your mind?"
"What's the matter? Forgot that 'not if you're the last man on earth' bit?"
"Get out!"
He just lay there on my carpet, lounging like a lazy cat with a smug smile. "How was it?"
"It was flat," I lied. "No spark. Nothing. Like kissing a brother."
My head was still spinning. I wanted to touch him, to run my hands up his T-shirt, to slide my fingers along his rock-hard arms . . . I wanted to feel his mouth on mine.
No! No touching. No kissing. No. Just no .
"Really? Is that why you put your arms around my neck?"
Sonovabitch. "That was temporary insanity." I pointed to the door.
"You sure you don't want me to stay? I'll make you coffee and ask you about your day."
"Out. Now."
He gave an exaggerated sigh and leapt to his feet without the help of his hands. Bloody show-off.
He offered me my dagger, hilt first. "Do you want this back?"
He'd made me drop the dagger. I never dropped my weapons unless it was on purpose.
I swiped the weapon from his fingers and chased him to the door, keeping a blade between us.
Curran opened the door and paused in the doorway. "Seventy-two hours, Kate. That's all Jim gets. He knows it and he knows I'm looking for him. Now you know it, too."
"Got it," I snarled.
"You sure you don't want to kiss me good-bye, baby ?"
"How about a good-bye kick to the throat?"
I slammed the door closed, leaned against it, and slid down to the floor to review the situation.
The Beast Lord. Lion of Atlanta. Sir My Way or the Highway. A frustrating, infuriating, dangerous bastard who scared me into blind panic until all the brakes on my mouth malfunctioned.
He kissed me. No, he admitted to breaking into my apartment to watch me sleep, he pinned me down on the floor, and then he kissed me. I should have broken his nose. Instead I kissed him back. And I wanted more.
I tried to put it into perspective. I had told him I'd never sleep with him. He told me I would.
For him it was a game and he was simply trying to win. Someone once explained to me that if you lined up all of Curran's former lovers, you could have a parade. He was sizing me up for another notch on his bedpost. If I gave in, I'd be a footnote in his procession of girlfriends: Kate Daniels, Investigator for the Order, whom his Furry Majesty had banged briefly until he got bored and moved on to bigger and better things, leaving her street cred in tatters.
An open relationship with Curran meant professional suicide. The agents of the Order were impartial by definition. Nobody would deal with me after I slept with the head of the shapeshifters. More important than that, when Curran lost interest in what I had to offer, he'd take my heart, smash it with a hammer into bloody mush, hand me the ruin, and walk away untroubled.
I understood all this and still I wanted him. He drew me like a damn magnet. I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anybody before in my life. For those few moments, he'd made me feel safe, wanted, needed, desirable, but it was an illusion. I had to get a grip.
The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got. He thought he had me bagged. His Majesty was long overdue for a rude awakening.
I growled and went to dress.
BY SEVEN I REACHED THE OFFICE. THE ORDER OCCUPIED a plain box of a building, crude, brick, sturdy, and warded so heavily when the magic was up that an entire division of the Military Supernatural Defense Unit could batter it for days. There had to be another facility in the city, a state-of-the-art headquarters, but I didn't rank high enough to know its location.
I climbed to the second floor, opened the door, and stepped into the hallway. Long and gray, it stretched into the distance like a narrow, drab tunnel at the end of which loomed a black door.
A heraldic lion of polished steel reared in the center of the door, identifying it as the office of the knight-protector, the head of the Chapter and my immediate supervisor.
"Good morning, dear," Maxine's voice said in my head.
"Good morning, Maxine," I said. Technically I could have just thought it, if I'd concentrated hard enough for Maxine to pick it up, but talking worked better for me. I could grasp an undead mind with mine and crush it like lice, but telepathically I was a complete dud. I ducked into my office, expecting a two-foot-tall stack of paperwork. My desk was clean.
Pristine. Stack-less.
"Maxine? What happened to my files?"
"The knight-protector decided to clear your schedule."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"The Order appreciates your services. Particularly when it comes to your late-night work."
The light dawned. Ted was giving me unofficial approval to screw with the Midnight Games.
There would be no investigation. Ted already knew as much about the Games as could be humanly known. He simply lacked the means or an excuse to do anything about them. Now I presented him with a golden opportunity. He was throwing me at the Games like a stick into a wheel. I was capable and completely expendable. Any public problems I caused would be excused by my half-assed status. I wasn't a knight. I wasn't properly trained. The Order would disavow any knowledge of my activities, paint me as an overeager incompetent, and toss me out on my behind.
Andrea manifested in my doorway, walked in, and closed the door. "Raphael called.
Apparently an order just went down the chain of command. Any member of the Pack who attacks you is going to have a long, unpleasant meeting with Curran."
I raised my pen in a mock salute. "Yippee. I had no idea I was a fragile flower in need of His Majesty's protection."
"Have you been attacked?"
"Yep. I was good and didn't kill anybody."
Andrea sat down in my client chair. "What's going on?"
I got up and activated the ward. Dim orange glyphs ignited in the floor, intertwining in twisted patterns. A wall of orange surged up to seal the door. It was the spell my guardian had used to secure the room. People told knight-diviners secret things, the kinds of things a confessor or psychiatrist might hear. Greg's defensive ward was soundproof, sight-proof and magic-proof. Not even Maxine's telepathy could penetrate it. It had taken me a month of painstakingly retracing the glyphs on the floor to figure out how he had done it.
I unlocked my top drawer, pulled out the file, and put it on the desk. "Do the hand."
Andrea raised her hand. "I will not disclose the information I am about to receive, unless authorized by the person who surrenders this information to my discretion. I will not use this information for personal gain even under duress, coercion, or to save myself or others from imminent physical harm. I do so swear by my honor as a knight of the Order."
It was a hell of an oath. More people flunked out of the Academy on oath breaking than any other test of will. When you've been beaten, drowned, whipped, and then branded with a hot iron, most people will say anything just to make the torture stop. There was a narrow band of pale skin on my back, the reminder of where a hot iron had kissed me. It proved I'd passed. I knew Andrea had an identical scar. We both would remember the secrets we had to keep for our test oaths to the end of our days and never reveal them. Not even through a stray thought.
I handed her the file. She read through the pages and looked at me. I filled in the holes, including Curran's visit.
Andrea blinked a couple of times. "Shit. Fuck shit."
" ' Shit fuck' would also have been accepted."
"The head of Pack's security has gone rogue, Derek is near death, and you're mated to the Beast Lord."
"Jim hasn't gone rogue; he's just not following orders at the moment."
"That's what going rogue is!"
Okay, I had to give her that one. "And for the record, I'm not mated to Curran."
Andrea shook her head. "What planet are you from? He's slipping into your apartment to tuck your blanket in at night. That's the protective urge at work. He thinks you're mated."
"He can think whatever he wants. That doesn't make it true."
Andrea's eyes widened. "I just realized: he's treating you like a shapeshifter alpha. You're playing by the rules of not-quite-human courtship here. Has he asked you to make him a dinner yet? Dinner is a big deal."
"No, he hasn't." Hell would freeze over before I cooked for Curran. "Look, I'm not a shapeshifter and he's dated humans before."
"That's just it." Andrea tapped her nails on the table. "A direct come-on like that is a challenge. That's how an alpha male would approach an alpha female. They are all about power struggles and the hunt, and they don't do subtle well. I realize this sounds twisted, but it's a backhanded compliment on his part."
"He can take his compliment and shove it where the sun don't shine."
"Can I quote you on that?"
"Be my guest. I've worked too hard to be his passing fancy."
I reached to put the folder back into my drawer and my fingers grazed an old paperback. The Princess Bride. That night in Savannah, when he had almost kissed me, he'd been reading it, and when I told him to leave, he'd said, "As you wish."
A frown crossed Andrea's face. "So where does all this leave you? Are you going to disappear for a while?"
I nodded. "I have to see this through, and I can't do it with Curran breathing down my neck."
"Need any help?"
"Yes. I'm putting in a request to analyze some silver samples to the computer database. It might take a day or two to process. If you could pick it up . . ."
Andrea waved her arms. "Of course I'll do it. I meant shoot-somebody type of help."
"Oh. Not at the moment. But I'll call you if I need a bullet through somebody's head."
"You do that. Try not to get killed."
"Will do."
We looked at each other.
"So how was it?" she asked. "Kissing Curran?"
"I can't let him kiss me again, because if he does, I'll sleep with him."
Andrea blinked. "Well," she said finally. "At least you know where you stand."
I CALLED JIM AND LEFT THE OFFICE. I WOVE BACK and forth through the morning traffic. Nobody followed me. Finally I stopped at a small fried chicken joint.
Glenda smiled at me. A plump woman with honey-colored hair, she'd once spent her nights tormented by phantom snakes. It took a week, but I finally found the cause hiding out in her attic and killed it. Now I got a smile with my chicken wings.
I held up ten bucks.
"You want a five-piece?" Glenda asked.
"Nope. I want to use the phone." This was a conversation best had out of the office.
Glenda put a phone on the counter, checked it for the dial tone, and grabbed my ten bucks.
I called the Keep, introduced myself to the disembodied female voice on the phone, and asked for the Beast Lord. In less than fifteen seconds Curran came on the line.
"I'm going into hiding with Jim."
The silence on the other side of the phone had a distinctly sinister undertone. Perhaps he thought that his kissing superpowers had derailed me. Fat chance. I would keep him from having to kill Derek. That was a burden he didn't need.
"I thought about this morning," I said, doing my best to sound calm and reasonable. "I've instructed the super to change the locks. If I ever catch you in my apartment again, I will file a formal complaint. I've taken your food, under duress, but I did take it. You rescued me once or twice, and you've seen me near naked. I realize that you're judging this situation by shapeshifter standards, and you expect me to fall on my back with my legs spread."
"Not necessarily." His voice matched mine in calmness. "You can fall on your hands and knees if you prefer. Or against the wall. Or on the kitchen counter. I suppose I might let you be on top, if you make it worth my while."
I didn't grind my teeth - he would've heard it. I had to be calm and reasonable. "My point is this: no."
"No?"
"There will be no falling, no sex, no you and me."
"I wanted to kiss you when we were in your house. In Savannah."
Why the hell was my heart pounding? "And?"
"You looked afraid. That wasn't the reaction I was hoping for."
Be calm and reasonable. "You flatter yourself. You're not that scary."
"After I kissed you this morning, you were afraid again. Right after you looked like you were about to melt."
Melt?
"You're scared there might be something there, between you and me."
Wow. I struggled to swallow that little tidbit. "Every time I think you've reached the limits of arrogance, you show me new heights. Truly, your egotism is like the Universe - ever expanding."
"You thought about dragging me into your bed this morning."
"I thought about stabbing you and running away screaming. You broke into my house without permission and slobbered all over me. You're a damn lunatic! And don't give me that line about smelling my desire; I know it's bullshit."
"I didn't need to smell you. I could tell by the dreamy look in your eyes and the way your tongue licked the inside of my mouth."
"Enjoy the memory," I ground out. "That's the last time it will ever happen."
"Go play your games with Jim. I'll find you both when I need you."
Arrogant asshole. "I tell you what, if you find us before those three days run out, I'll cook you a damn dinner and serve it to you naked."
"Is that a promise?"
"Yes. Go fuck yourself."
I slammed the phone down. Well, then. That was perfectly reasonable.
On the other side of the counter an older, heavyset man stared at me like I had sprouted horns.
Glenda handed me the money I'd given her. "That was some conversation. It was worth ten bucks."
I got up just in time to see Brenna ride up, leading an extra horse.
