Brennan leans forward and speaks into the microphone. “We’ve got a few new songs—”
His voice is cut off when Ridge pulls the microphone away from him and leans in toward it. “Sydney,” Ridge says into the microphone, “some of these songs I wrote with you. Some of these songs I wrote for you.”
I can hear a small difference in the way he speaks now. I’ve never heard him say so much at once out loud. He also seems to enunciate a little more clearly than the few times he’s spoken to me in the past, like the subject in the photograph is slightly more in focus. It’s obvious he’s been working on it, and knowing he’s continued to talk out loud makes my eyes tear up without even having heard a song yet.
“If you aren’t ready to say the word, that’s fine,” he says. “I’ll wait as long as you need me to. I just hope you don’t mind this interruption tonight.” He pushes the microphone away, then looks down to his guitar. Brennan leans into the microphone and looks at me.
“He can’t hear what I’m saying right now, so I’ll take this opportunity to tell you Ridge is full of shit. He doesn’t want to wait anymore. He wants you to say the word more than he wants air. So please, for the sake of all that is holy, say the word tonight.”
I laugh as I wipe a tear from my eye.
Ridge plays the opening chords to “Trouble,” and I finally realize why Warren made me wear this dress. Brennan leans forward and begins to sing, and I remain completely immobile as Warren signs every word to the song while Ridge keeps his focus on the fingers strumming his guitar. Watching the three of them together, seeing the beauty they can create from a few words and guitars, is mesmerizing.
Ridge
When the song ends, I look up at her.
She’s crying, but those tears are accompanied by a smile, and that’s exactly what I was hoping I would see when I looked up from my guitar. Seeing her for the first time since I kissed her good-bye has a far greater effect on me than I thought it would. I’m trying my damnedest to remember what it is I’m here to do, but all I want to do is toss my guitar aside, rush to her, and kiss her crazy.
Instead, I keep my eyes trained on hers while I play another song she helped me write. I begin the opening chords to “Maybe Someday.” She smiles and clutches a hand to her chest while she watches me play.
It’s times like these I’m actually thankful I can’t hear. Not being distracted by anything at all allows me to focus on nothing but her. I can feel the music vibrating in my chest as I watch her lips singing along to the lyrics until the very last line.
I planned on playing a few more songs we wrote together, but seeing her has changed my mind. I want to get to the new songs I wrote for her, because I absolutely need to see her reaction to them. I start one of them, knowing Warren and Brennan will have no problem falling into step with the change-up. Her eyes glisten when she realizes that this is a song she’s never heard before, and she leans forward in her chair, focusing intently on the three of us.
Sydney
There are only twenty-six letters in the English alphabet. You would think there would only be so much you could do with twenty-six letters. You would think there were only so many ways those letters could make you feel when mixed up and shoved together to make words.
However, there are infinite ways those twenty-six letters can make a person feel, and this song is living proof. I’ll never understand how a few simple words strung together can change a person, but this song, these words, are completely changing me. I feel like my maybe someday just became my right now.
HOLD ON TO YOU
The cool air running through my hair
Nights like these, they don’t seem fair
For you and I to be so far away
The stars all shimmer like a melody
Like they’re playing for you and me
But only I can hear their sounds
Maybe if I ask them they will play for you
I try wishing on one, maybe I’ll try to
Doesn’t look like there’s much for me to do
I want to hold on to you
Just like these memories I can’t undo
I want to hold on to you
Without you here that’s kind of hard to do
I want to hold
I want to hold on to you
The front seat’s empty, and I know
When it’s just me I seem to go
Places I never wanted to
I need you here to be a light
Star in the sky brighten up my night
Sometimes I need the dark to see
So come on, come on, turn it on for me
Just a little light, then I’ll be able to see
Promise like a comet you won’t fly by me
I want to hold on to you
Just like these memories I can’t undo
I want to hold on to you
Without you here that’s kind of hard to do
I want to hold
I want to hold on to you
Ridge
I finish the song and don’t give myself time to look up at her before I begin playing the new one. I’m afraid if I look at her, I’ll lose every bit of willpower still keeping me up on this stage. I want to go to her so bad, but I know how important it is for her to hear this next song. I also don’t want to be the one to make the final choice. If she’s ready to be with me, she knows what I need from her. If she’s not ready, I’ll respect her decision.
However, if she’s not ready to begin the life I know we could have together by the end of this song, I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready.
I keep my eyes trained on my fingers as they work the strings of the guitar. I glance at Brennan, and he leans forward into the microphone, his voice starting on cue. I glance to Warren, and he begins signing the words.
I slowly scan the crowd and find her again.
Our eyes lock.
I don’t look away.
Sydney
“Wow,” Bridgette whispers. Her eyes are glued to the stage just like mine. Just like every other pair of eyes in the room. The three of them make one hell of a team, but knowing that these words are Ridge’s words and he wrote them specifically for me leaves me feeling more than overwhelmed. I can’t look away from him. For the entire length of the song, I barely move. I barely breathe.
LET IT BEGIN
Time went fast
Time went fast till it was gone
Do it right
You think it’s right until it’s wrong
Even after all this time I still want you
Even after all my mind put me through
So won’t you
Won’t you let it begin
So won’t you
Won’t you let it begin
You hold it out
You hold your heart out in your hand
I snatch it up
I snatch it up fast as I can
Even after all this time I still want you
Even after all my mind put me through
I stand here at your door
Until you come and let me in
I want to be your end
But you gotta let it begin
So won’t you
Won’t you let it begin
Oh, won’t you
Won’t you please say when.
Ridge
Our gazes never deviate from each other. Throughout the song, her focus remains solely on mine and mine on hers. When the song ends, I don’t move. I wait for her mind and her life to catch up to her heart, and I hope it happens soon. Tonight. Right now.
She wipes tears from her eyes, then lifts her hands. She holds up her left index finger, brings her right index finger close to the left and circles it around, and then the tips of her fingers touch.
I can’t move.
She just signed for me.
She just said “when.”
Seeing her sign is something I never expected. It’s something I never would have even asked her to do. Learning how to communicate with me the whole time we’ve been apart is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me.
I’m shaking my head, unable to get it through my mind that this girl is willingly mine and she’s perfect and beautiful and good and, holy shit, I love her so much.
She’s smiling, but I’m still frozen in shock.
She laughs at my response and signs the word again, several times. “When, when, when.”
Brennan shoves my shoulder, and I look over at him. He laughs. “Go,” he signs, nodding his head in Sydney’s direction. “Go get your girl.”
I immediately drop my guitar to the floor and rush off the stage. She pushes away from her table as soon as she sees me making my way toward her. She’s only a few feet away, but I can’t get to her fast enough. I take in the dress she has on and make a mental note to thank Warren later. I have a feeling he had something to do with that.
I look into her tear-filled eyes when I finally reach her. She’s smiling up at me, and for the first time since the moment I met her, we’re looking at each other without a trace of guilt or worry or regret or shame.
She throws her arms around my neck, and I pull her to me and bury my face in her hair. I hold her head firmly against me and close my eyes. We hold on to each other as if we’re afraid to let go.
I can feel her crying, so I put enough space between us so I can look into her eyes. She lifts her head, and I’ve never seen tears look more beautiful.
“You signed,” I say out loud.
She smiles. “You spoke. A lot.”
“I’m not very good at it,” I admit. I know my words are hard to understand, and I still feel uncomfortable when I speak, but I love seeing her eyes when she hears my voice. It makes me want to speak every single word I possibly can right here and now.
“I’m not good, either,” she says. She pulls away from me and lifts her hands to sign. “Warren has been helping me. I only know about two hundred words, but I’m learning.”
It’s been several months since I last saw her, and while I’ve been trying to believe she still wanted to be with me, I did have my doubts. I was starting to question our decision to wait before starting our relationship. What I never expected was for her to spend those months learning how to communicate with me in a way my own parents didn’t even care enough to learn.
“I just fell completely in love with you,” I say to her. I glance at Bridgette, who is still seated at the table. “Did you see it, Bridgette? Did you see me just fall in love with her?”
Bridgette rolls her eyes, and I feel Sydney laugh. I look back down at her. “I did. Like twenty seconds ago. I fell completely in love with you.”
She smiles and mouths her next words slowly so I can understand her. “I fell first.”
When the last word passes her lips, I catch it with my mouth. Since the second I walked away from these lips, I’ve done nothing but think about the moment I would get to taste them again. She pulls me tightly against her, and I kiss her hard, then delicately, then fast and slow and every way in between. I kiss her every way I can possibly kiss her, because I plan on loving her every way I can possibly love her. Every single time we refused to cave in to our feelings in the past makes this kiss completely worth the sacrifices. This kiss is worth all the tears, all the heartache, all the pain, all the struggles, all the waiting.
She’s worth it all.
She’s worth more.
Sydney
We make it to my apartment somehow between all the kissing. He releases me long enough to let me unlock the door, but he loses his patience as soon as it’s unlocked. I laugh when he shoves the door open and pushes me inside. He closes the door, locks it, and turns around to face me again. We look at each other for several seconds.
