For a long moment, we lay locked together without moving, marveling at the intensity of our joining.
Slowly, slowly, it faded.
In its place, Naamah’s gift reasserted its presence. Desire—this time simple and carnal—nothing more. I surrendered to it gratefully, kissing Bao’s throat, wrapping my ankles around his buttocks. He propped himself on his elbows above me, his eyes dark and distant with desire, thrusting slowly in and out of me.
Stone and sea, it felt good! Again and again, I came beneath him, each shivering climax a physical echo of what I had felt when our spirits merged. Intangible brightness blossomed behind my eyes like a thousand flowers blooming at once, like stars falling from the night sky, tracing incandescent arcs across the glittering darkness. The bright lady smiled, placing a shining kiss filled with love upon my brow. It had been too long, far too long, since I had felt Naamah’s approval.
Bao’s pace quickened.
I urged him onward, my hips rising to meet him, willing him to spend himself inside me. At last he did, his entire body shuddering.
I sighed, content.
Bao rolled off me. “I ran away from this?”
I laughed.
“Moirin.” He raised one hand to his lips, kissing my fingertips. “Let us be serious, now. Truly, do you know what of this is real, and what is the result of Master Lo’s art?”
“No,” I admitted, stroking his chest. I felt at peace for the first time since he had left me. “But, Bao….. we’ll never sort it out apart. Can we not figure it out together? At least the endless clamor of my soul has gone silent. Is it not the same for you?”
“Uh-huh,” Bao agreed. “That part’s nice.”
I laughed again. “Well, mayhap in the silence, we’ll be able to listen to our hearts again.”
The wooden door of the ger banged open. I squinted against the sudden stream of ordinary sunlight. A small, sturdy figure stormed into the ger, haranguing Bao at the top of her lungs. He rose to his feet, clutching a blanket around him, and replied in an aggrieved tone, both of them speaking too quickly for me to follow. Having said her piece, the young woman stormed out in a huff, slamming the door behind her.
“Bao?” I asked. “Who was that, and why is she furious at you?”
“Ahh…..” He ran one hand over his rumpled hair and gave me a sheepish look. “That was my wife.”
TWELVE
I stared at Bao. “Your wife?”
“It was a long, cold winter!” he said in a defensive tone, yanking on his felted trousers. “Will you tell me you of all people slept in an empty bed, Moirin?”
“I….. yes!” Even as the words left my mouth, I remembered that I would have been happy to spend the winter in Shuntian with Snow Tiger if she had permitted it, and my denial emerged with rather less conviction than I intended. Bao raised one eyebrow at me. “In fact, I did,” I said indignantly. “Ask Batu, or any of his people.”
Bao tugged on his boots. “Well, I’m sorry. But it’s complicated.”
I sighed. “Oh, gods bedamned! Fine. I’m the last person to deny you the right to take pleasure and comfort where you find it. But, Bao….. a wife?” A pang squeezed my heart. “Do you love her? Is that it?”
“It’s complicated,” he repeated, shrugging into his woolen vest. “You see, she’s the Great Khan’s youngest daughter.”
At a loss for words, I continued to stare at him. Now, belatedly, I remembered how folk in the campsite had deferred to Bao, how everyone in the ger had departed swiftly at his command. Insofar as I’d noticed, I’d assumed it was because General Arslan had acknowledged him, or even just because of his prowess as a fighter. Never in a thousand years had I thought it was because he was the Great Khan’s son-in-law.
“I’d better go to her.” Bao stooped before me, crouching on his heels. “Terbish is the name of the fellow I asked to see to your horse. He’ll escort you to your tribe’s camp.”
“I don’t need an escort!” I shouted at him.
“I don’t love her,” he said abruptly. The words lay between us in an uncomfortable silence. “But Erdene is the Great Khan’s daughter, and I suspect you are not one of her favorite people right now. Accept the escort.”
I closed my eyes. “Fine. I’ll accept the escort.”
“Thank you.” Bao straightened, waiting until I relented and looked at him. “I am sorry, Moirin. I didn’t do this to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“It’s complicated,” I said dully.
He nodded. “I’ll come find you later. We have a lot to talk about.” He tried a faint smile on me. “Somehow, I thought there would be time for talking first. I should have known better, huh?”
I didn’t answer.
As soon as Bao left the ger, I dressed in a hurry. My body was still singing with the aftermath of long-denied pleasure and my diadh-anam was quiet within me, but there was a maelstrom of confusion and betrayal in my heart.
It wasn’t entirely fair, of course. But….. a wife?
True to Bao’s word, the man Terbish was waiting for me, holding Ember’s reins. I nodded my thanks to him. He walked beside me as I rode slowly back to Batu’s camp. Now folk were definitely staring, and I heard a murmuring susurrus of gossip that was all too familiar. I gritted my teeth, refusing to feel embarrassed. It wasn’t my fault that I’d just engaged in a very public display of affection, and what was doubtless an obvious bout of intensive lovemaking, with the Great Khan’s son-in-law.
Back at the tribe’s camp, a pair of Vralians with ornate chains around their necks were talking with Batu through an interpreter. Seeing me return, Batu dismissed them and hurried over to me, his kind eyes soft with concern. I could tell that the news had travelled fast.
“Are you well?” he asked me.
“No,” I admitted. Although it was customary in Tatar culture to deny any troubles on first inquiry, I didn’t have the heart for it. “Batu, I didn’t know, I swear!”
“I know this to be true,” he said firmly. “I have given you the hospitality of my roof. You are a truthful person.”
It made me feel better. I gazed after the departing Vralians. “What did those fellows want?”
He shrugged. “Them? They always want to talk about their gods. But they were asking about you, too.” A glint came into his eyes. “I told them you were a mighty sorceress who brought the Great Khan’s son-in-law back from death, and that there is a powerful bond between you. Do not worry, I did not speak of Ch’in. It will not cause trouble. It will teach them to respect and fear you.”
I smiled sadly. “I don’t feel very fearsome.”
Batu patted my arm. “You did nothing wrong. Blame the young man. He has been untruthful.” His eyes widened. “They did not even know he was twice-born!”
“Bao has been hiding from many things,” I murmured.
“So it seems,” he agreed.
I tried to make myself useful around the camp, but most of the work of setting up had already been done, and I was restless once more. If Checheg had been there, she would have shooed me away. So instead, I shooed myself away, saddling the uncomplaining Ember once more.
No doubt Bao would have scolded me for riding out without an escort, but I didn’t intend to make myself an easy target for any vengeful Tatar princess. I rode through the campsite with my bow held loosely in one hand, guiding Ember with my knees, gazing fixedly forward with my mother’s best glare.
Many people stared, but no one troubled me.
On the outskirts of camp, I passed a group of men slaughtering a sheep in the Tatar manner. I’d seen it done only once before, for the festival of the New Year. Two men held the sheep down on its back. A third man made a small incision in the sheep’s abdomen, then plunged his hand into the slit, reaching for the sheep’s heart within the cavity of its body and squeezing it until it ceased to beat. It was done so swiftly, the sheep scarcely had time to struggle.
I felt as though Bao had done much the same to me.
As soon as I’d passed the sheep-slaughterers, I summoned the twilight, breathing it in deeply and flinging it around my horse and myself. The world softened and dimmed in the silvery-violet dusk, easing my troubled spirits. A few seconds later, I heard a soft gasp behind me, and the murmur of voices. My passage and my subsequent, abrupt disappearance had been noted.
Well and so, let them take heed. Batu had a point; it was better to be feared and respected than despised. I smiled grimly to myself and nudged Ember with my heels, setting out at a trot.
The campsite was situated alongside a wide, meandering river. I followed its course aimlessly toward the north, riding over the twilit grasslands until the tents and gers behind me looked as small as toys. I rode until I found a flat, windswept place where I could sit and watch the river.
There, I dismounted and turned Ember loose to graze.
I sat cross-legged and tried to meditate, but my thoughts were a jumble. I could not let one thought rise from another. So instead, I concentrated on breathing, cycling through the Five Styles, willing my mind to be empty.
In perhaps an hour’s time, I sensed Bao’s presence growing closer. In the twilight, I could see the silver spark of his diadh-anam coming toward me over the plains even before I could make out his form.
He couldn’t see me, of course; but he didn’t need to. Bao knew where I was as surely as I did him.
He turned his shaggy pony loose to graze with Ember and sat cross-legged opposite me without speaking, laying his staff across his lap and settling into a breathing rhythm that matched mine. We might have been Master Lo’s magpie and his least likely pupil once more. Except that in the twilight, Bao looked different than he had before.
It wasn’t just that the spark of the divine spirit of the Maghuin Dhonn Herself shone within him. The faint shimmer of darkness that surrounded him since his rebirth was deeper here, impossible to ignore, impossible to dismiss as a trick of the light. It flickered all around him—darkness made bright, a penumbra like an eclipsed moon. Gazing at it, I remembered that there was more at issue here than the fact that Bao had left me and ridden away to find his blood-father and wed some Tatar princess in the bargain.
He had died, and been restored to life. He was twice-born, and he was learning how to live with it. And although I was angry, mayhap I owed him the chance to explain.
With a sigh, I released the twilight, letting the daylight world return.
Bao’s lips parted at my sudden appearance, but having known I was there all along, he showed no other sign of surprise. I tilted my head to indicate I was listening. He nodded in acknowledgment and cleared his throat. “First of all, it would have been a grave discourtesy to refuse such an honor from the Great Khan. Second, I did not seek it out, Moirin.”
I stayed silent.
“You remember Master Lo’s snowdrop bulbs?” he asked me. “Well, I took them. I made a tonic like Master Lo prepared.”
“I know.” I wasn’t very good at holding my tongue. “I heard. That’s how you bribed your way into General Arslan’s favor.”
“My father’s favor, yes.” Bao fidgeted with his staff, frowning a little. “It’s true, you know. Although the truth isn’t exactly what I expected it to be. I thought….. I thought that mayhap that once I gained his trust, I would avenge my family’s honor.”
“But it’s complicated,” I said in a neutral tone.
“Yes.” He straightened his back. “For now, it is enough to say that my father claimed me with pride, and I allowed it. When the Great Khan Naram visited his most loyal general, he was intrigued. He wished to see the fighting prowess of which my father boasted. He wished to sample my famed tonic. I obliged.”
“And the Great Khan was pleased,” I noted.
“Very pleased,” Bao agreed. “So pleased that he insisted on giving me his youngest daughter in marriage.”
I scowled at him. “Bao, you are the stubbornest person I’ve ever met, and now that Master Lo is gone, I do not think there is anyone under the sun who could make you do a thing if you did not wish it. You’re a clever and skilled liar. Don’t tell me you could not have talked your way out of it.”
“I’m not,” he said mildly.
I waited.
Bao sighed. “Moirin, you possess a gift the likes of which no one outside your strange bear-folk has ever seen. You possess a strange beauty the likes of which no one has ever seen. You are descended from three different royal lineages. And I’m nothing but a simple Ch’in peasant-boy—or at least I was. Do you think I don’t know it matters?”
I looked blankly at him. “You’re the one who insisted on referring to yourself thusly! What did I ever say or do to make you think it mattered to me?”
“You didn’t need to say anything!” His voice rose. “Gods, Moirin! Do you know how much gossip I had to endure in Terre d’Ange? I know your history as well as my own. Better, maybe.”
“So?”
“So there was that lord’s son in Alba, the one who died.” He began to recite a litany of my lovers, ticking them off on his fingers. “And I am sorry, because I know you cared for him, but he was a lord’s son. High-and-mighty Lion Mane, that Raphael de Mereliot, what was he? Some kind of nobleman. His sister ruled a city, anyway. When you quarreled with him, you bedded the Crown Prince, didn’t you?” Bao raised his brows at me. “That’s what they all said. And when you quarreled with both of them, the White Queen herself.”
