He smiled.
“You’re making resisting you really challenging. You probably know that.”
“It would be easy to tell you not to try. But I want you to be sure and ready. As much as I wanted you at your cousin’s club, I’m glad I stopped. You deserve your first time to be special.”
London studied him for long moments, her blue eyes torn. She finally dropped her gaze to eat another bite of pizza. “I want to believe you.”
He’d played this game before. He told lies, and the women lied to themselves about believing his sincerity. It made them feel better about fucking him, and they could cast him in the role of asshole after the sheets had gone cold. But this wasn’t a game to London. She really was struggling to believe that she had something different or more special than the thousands of women he’d taken to bed. Xander wished to hell he could put it into words. Or show her. Yeah, he’d like that most of all.
“I don’t have the perfect words to make you understand how sincere I am. But I’m willing to talk as much as you need. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. Everything else aside, we’ll work together to keep the business afloat and fix Javier. Even if nothing ever happens between us, I’ll be forever grateful that you made me question everything in my life.”
London pressed her lips together, her body tense, leaning in his direction. Suddenly, she launched herself at him and closed her mouth over his. Lips so soft, molding perfectly to his. Xander seized the opportunity and dragged her against his body, his cock harder than ever. She whimpered and melted into him, surging into his mouth desperately. London thrilled him in every way. He absorbed her against him, exploring and learning her taste. She might be new in his life . . . but she felt so familiar. Almost like coming home.
His married buddies all talked like that, describing their wives as their anchor, their something to come back to, their someone to live for. Instead of scaring the crap out of him, it revved his blood up even more, and he pulled her closer, wondering if he could get that dress off in thirty seconds or less and claim her.
The phone’s shrill ring clanged between them. Xander was all for ignoring it, but London started at the sound and began to pull back.
“I’m so embarrassed.” She turned away.
Xander grabbed her elbow with one hand and the phone with the other. “Don’t be. Let me handle this, then we’ll talk more.”
At her nod, he answered the call. It was Maynard calling back to discuss exactly how he’d had his son-in-law doctor the information on the database and how he personally planned to track the IP addresses associated with the log-ins. Forty long minutes later, he hung up and looked around to find London with her own laptop, her long, pale hair in a sleek little ponytail, wearing a pair of shapeless gray sweatpants with a breast-hugging pink tank top. That cinched it; his dick was totally in love.
“You’re staring.” That obviously made her nervous.
“I’ll tell you what I’m thinking.” He grinned.
“I can guess, and it won’t help me get the draft of this annual report finished anytime soon.”
“Last year’s was terrible.”
“Javier said as much. Why didn’t he let you help him if he’d just learned of his wife’s death?”
A simple question. The logical one. “I don’t know, really. We both fell into our roles long ago. Honestly, I think I was mostly content with mine. Or I told myself I was. I guess . . . I finally realized that you can only have so many parties and so many flings before it’s all just pointless. I’m thirty years old. I have nothing to show for it. In fact, I’m probably lucky that I don’t have any children or diseases.”
Her expression held more pity than he wanted.
Xander scowled. “I’m not looking for sympathy. Being a poor little rich boy, I know. Boohoo.”
“So you had all the money you could want, all the material things it could buy.” She shrugged. “Who loved you?”
Painful fucking question. The answer blazed across his brain like a flash fire, sizzling him all the way down to his soul. “I’m fine.”
“I don’t think you are. I know Javier isn’t. It makes me want to grab you both and hug you so tight.”
Anger rolled through him. Xander hated this defensive feeling, but there was no fighting it. “I don’t need your pity.”
She reared back in her seat and shook her head at him. “That’s not it at all. I don’t feel sorry for you. I just want you both to see how much joy loving and being loved can bring. My parents loved me unconditionally. We didn’t have a lot, but they would have done anything for me. I had great friends. I even had a cat who followed me everywhere, a male Siamese named Merlin. I didn’t need designer clothes or a bunch of diamonds to feel rich. I really wish you guys could know that feeling of belonging somewhere because you’re treasured by the people around you.”
God, she just kept digging that knife deeper. He’d never had that, and the longer she talked about the warmth and sense of belonging that love provided, the more he wanted it. Desperately. Like an addict craving a fix.
And suddenly everything snapped into place. He was falling in love with this girl he’d known for a handful of days, whom he hadn’t slept with, one who was both innocent and wise, because she centered him. He looked at her and suddenly understood exactly what he’d been missing. What he could no longer live without.
Xander stared, wondering how the hell his whole world had tilted on its axis in the span of seventy-two hours. Fuck it. That didn’t matter. What did matter was figuring out how to get closer to her, make her want him, depend on him, never want to leave him. She was tenderness and sunshine, and for the first time in his life, he was dying to feel it fill him up.
“I’d like that, too,” he whispered.
Chapter Ten
SOMEWHERE around three a.m., Xander told London to close up the laptop and go to bed. He would have liked to slide in beside her and have her warm curves pressed against him, but she looked exhausted. After helping her as she worked so diligently and intuitively on the annual report for the last six hours so the board and employees would have a perfect grasp of where the company stood—and proving just how damn smart she was—London deserved her rest. Sure, he’d answered questions, and they had debated exactly what to say and how to say it, but she’d carefully crafted just the right words and created just the right visuals. He was damn impressed with her and he’d said so.
Xander stayed up another hour scanning the results and the few numbers she’d received from the public affairs department. Things were dismal. Orders were down more than twenty percent for most of their existing military hardware. Their competitors had made a lot of strides in the last year, while Javier had been drowning his grief and guilt. Thankfully, sales for their advanced tactical laser technology had been holding steady and keeping them afloat. But after tonight, a few things had become crystal clear, and he’d be talking to his older brother soon.
With a turn in at four in the morning, he wasn’t thrilled to hear someone pounding on the door just before seven, then ringing the doorbell in quick succession when no one answered immediately. What the fuck?
Xander stumbled from bed, into the hallway, and to the front door. He hoped the asshole didn’t mind if he answered the door in his boxer-briefs, but at this point, he didn’t really give a shit.
He unlocked the door, then wrenched it open with a scowl. Xander wasn’t exactly sure who he expected on the other side—a nosy neighbor, the paperboy, a corporate spy—but he was wrong on all counts.
“Logan!” His frown turned up into a smile. “Man, it’s good to see you.”
Logan Edgington stepped into the house, and the two friends shared a handshake and shoulder bump that quickly turned to a full-blown hug.
“When did you get in?” Xander asked, stepping back to let Logan in and shutting the door behind him.
“Last night. It’s good to be home. I was thrilled when Tara told me you’d come to Lafayette.”
“What brings you here? You just stop by to see little ol’ me?”
“You wish.” Logan rolled his eyes. “I told Tyler I’d relieve him of Javier’s PT this morning since Del had to go into work early and left him with the kids. How is your brother?”
“About the same as the last e-mail I sent you.” He shrugged. “One day at a time, you know?”
Logan nodded. “Absolutely. You don’t look so hot yourself.”
“I’ve had three hours of sleep, you sadistic bastard. Don’t you know how to sleep in?”
His buddy laughed, and Xander rolled his eyes.
“If I was nice, I’d let you go back to bed and I’d return later. But nah. You get to deal with me now. Why don’t you put some clothes on, dude? I’ll make coffee.”
Normally, Xander would give Logan shit about being a morning person and a pain in the ass, but he hadn’t seen his friend in months. Putting up with a little fatigue to see his best friend was no hardship.
“On it.” He hustled off to do exactly as Logan suggested, brushing his teeth before throwing on yesterday’s pants. Then he headed back to the kitchen.
“Damn, it’s good to see you. How long is your leave?” Xander asked, strolling into the kitchen.
“Technically, it’s two weeks.” Logan hesitated. “But I’m thinking of leaving the teams.”
“What?” Xander blinked. Logan had been a SEAL for as long as they’d been friends. Until Logan married two years ago, he’d lived, eaten, breathed everything navy. He was a frogman through and through.
“Don’t tell me you’re getting soft,” Xander joked. Hell, he wasn’t sure what was running through Logan’s head.
“Tara is pregnant.”
Shock hit Xander quickly. He probably shouldn’t be that surprised. Logan was completely smitten with his pretty redheaded wife and had been since he’d been her high school sweetheart. Tara was smart and funny—and perfect for Logan in every way. He’d known it was just a matter of time before they started having kids.
What surprised Xander most was that right after the surprise, jealousy blazed through his veins, quick and hot. Logan had everything a man could want: love, commitment, a caring family, good friends, and now a little one on the way. Logan might not have a ton of money, but Xander was living proof that millions couldn’t buy the things that were most valuable in life.
“Congratulations, man!” He slapped Logan on the back. “You’ve got to be thrilled.”
He nodded enthusiastically, but his expression was pensive. “Yeah. Tara didn’t breathe a word about me leaving the teams, but I don’t want her to raise our children alone. My mom did that, and she was miserable. I don’t want to come home in a pine box, either. She needs me now. And I’m thirty, man. I’m getting old for this game.”
Xander nodded, silently conceding Logan’s point. “How do you feel about a career change? I thought you’d be career navy.”
Logan dragged in a deep breath, obviously mentally grasping for words. “A bit sad, but I knew it had to end someday. I’ve loved serving my country. It’s something I’ll always be proud of. But maybe this is for the best. The timing is right. Just before I reconnected with Tara, they extended my last commission by an extra two years. Because who doesn’t think Afghanistan is paradise, right?” He rolled his eyes. “So technically I could be free in a few weeks and take a civilian job.”
But he didn’t sound thrilled. “You’re built for adrenaline.”
His sigh spoke volumes. “I love what I do, but I love Tara more. I’m going to be a father come January.” He grinned wryly. “I have a feeling that will be an adventure all its own.”
“No doubt.” Everyone seemed to be making their life an adventure these days, himself included.
“So where is your brother? I’d like to work his ass to a nub, then come back so we can hang out for a bit.”
“In bed. Good luck working through the hangover.”
Logan scowled. “So he’s still drinking too much?”
“Yep,” Xander said regretfully. “I’ve got no idea how to make him stop.”
London emerged from the hallway and into the kitchen then, looking sweetly rumpled, her pale hair a cloud caressing her shoulders and hanging to the small of her back. That tight pink tank top made his morning wood rise all over again, and though she didn’t have on a drop of makeup and wasn’t wearing anything remotely sexy, Xander was still dying to touch her.
She caught sight of him and Logan sitting around the coffee cups and halted. “Morning. Hi, Logan.”
Even that cute little blush crawling up her cheeks turned him on. He’d love to give her something to blush about. He wondered what she’d say if she knew that he’d gone to bed last night and had to jack off to keep himself from sneaking into her bedroom and seducing her out of those clothes and under his body.
