Liam didn’t move, and Kim wondered if he’d dropped off to sleep. She propped her aching body on one arm. “Are you all right?” she asked.
Liam lay face up, eyes open, his breathing rapid. “I don’t know.”
“The storm’s letting up. It’s what my mother liked to call a ‘wham-bam, thank you, ma’am’ storm.”
Liam didn’t answer, didn’t laugh.
“You know what the storm dying off means,” Kim continued. “It means that Sean and your dad are going to come looking for us. I bet Connor and Glory will too. And Ellison. He was real worried about you when I saw him earlier. In fact, every Shifter curious about what happened to you will be showing up pretty quick.”
Liam raked his sweating hair from his face. “They shouldn’t.”
“Like that’s going to stop them.”
“Kim.” Liam’s face twisted, and he wrapped his arms around his chest. “I need to find my Collar before they get here.”
“Is that what you really want?” she asked in a quiet voice.
“Fergus was crazy. He’d have destroyed us.”
Kim noticed he hadn’t answered the question. “You don’t think Shifters can adapt to going without the Collar again?”
“Not like this.” Liam’s chest expanded with an agonized breath. “We’ll kill each other. Gods, Kim, I wanted to kill Michael. I needed to. Even Sean. My own brother. And the feelings haven’t gone away. If they come to get us, I’ll fight. I’ll kill until someone kills me.”
“And me?”
He reached for her. “No. You, I just want to f**k.”
“I should be flattered, but I have the feeling I wouldn’t last very long. You have stamina.”
“I’d hurt you. I’ve already hurt you.” He touched her bruised lip.
“You didn’t. Don’t you get it, Liam? You could have, but you didn’t.”
“That’s no guarantee, love. I want you so damn bad.” He kissed her swollen lips and drew back, eyes flicking from white to blue to white again.
Kim touched the red line on his neck. Liam flinched but didn’t stop her.
“Or you could go,” she said softly. “Run away back to Ireland or something. Live free.”
Liam closed his eyes, blotting out the awful look in them. “Not without you. I don’t want to live without you.” He bowed his head, resting on Kim’s shoulder. “But Fergus was right. I’d use you until there was nothing left of you. I’d not be able to stop myself.” He raised his head, expression anguished. “Don’t you understand? If I’m this way, I can’t have you.”
Kim rubbed his arms, wishing she could tell him that everything would be all right. You’ll be fine, you’ll get used to it, you’ll learn to control your instincts. But she had no idea whether it would be all right. The Lupine who’d attacked her in her bedroom had been the victim of Fergus’s experiments, ready to slaughter Kim to torture Liam. She’d seen the way Liam had looked at innocent Michael and at his own brother, as though they were enemies he needed to destroy. She had no idea what kind of crazed being Liam would become.
“I can’t tell you to put yourself into captivity again for me,” she said. “I don’t want you to.”
“I hate the Collar. Kim, I hate it so much. It hurts us when we so much as think about the way we used to be. One surge of adrenaline and it’s giving us pain. You can’t know what that’s like. Always living in fear of the pain.”
“You’re right. I don’t know.”
“Being free of it…” Liam slid his fingers and thumb around the mark where the Collar had been, his wild smile emerging. “It’s a joyous thing, love. I can do anything I want, and no one can stop me.”
“Not even me?”
“No. That’s the trouble.”
“Sean said you weren’t like this before—before you all took the Collar, I mean.”
“Not this out of control. Not with twenty years of need falling on me at once. But it was like this too. We were strong and free, and those few who knew about us were in awe of us. Even the Fae acknowledged our strength, that we no longer served their whims. That’s what rankles most—the Fae helped to bind us. They’ve always wanted to bind us.” Anger danced in his eyes, lines pulling the sides of his mouth. “We hate them for it.”
“What about humans?” Kim made herself ask.
“Human beings are weak, short-lived. No threat.” Liam’s eyes eased back to the blue she’d fallen in love with. “The one I’m lying on now is so beautiful. And I love her.”
“I’ll help you escape, Liam. I want you to be free. Don’t find the Collar. Please.”
Liam closed his eyes again, tight. He shuddered, lips shaking, as though wave after wave of panic ripped through him.
After a long time, he opened his eyes again, and something in them had been defeated. “No, love. They need me here. And I never, ever want to wake up in the morning knowing that I hurt you.”
Kim touched his face. The anguish in his voice a moment ago when he’d said he hated the Collar had been real. He hadn’t mentioned his loathing before this, but Shifters were strong and could resign themselves to pain, and he’d probably seen no use in voicing his rage to Kim. Having the Collar off, feeling the pain evaporate for the first time in twenty years, must be incredible for him. She wasn’t sure how he could even contemplate putting it back on.
“No one would blame you if you went,” she said. “Dylan would take over again, like before, and Sean would still be Guardian. They’ll look after Connor and everyone else. You know that.”
“I’d blame me.”
“But free, you could start working on how to liberate the rest of your kind.”
Liam kissed her forehead. “No, love. Free I’d be thinking of only myself and how good it felt to be away from all this. I’d start despising them for being weak, find myself a pride of ferals and try to take over. A wonderful Shifter-man I’d be.”
“You can’t know that. Like you said, all these urges are built up. Maybe in time—”
“And maybe not.” His voice went hard, and he rolled off Kim and to his feet. “We find the Collar.”
Kim remained on the floor, staring up at his hard body. He was beautiful—firm muscle, broad shoulders, chest dusted with dark hair, now damp with sweat. His skin was covered with scratches from the fight, but they were healing, even the deepest ones only angry red lines. The worst wound was around his neck, where his Collar had been.
As he forced himself to turn from Kim to look for the Collar, Kim knew that Fergus had never understood just how strong Liam was. He’d made the choice to give up his freedom to stay with his family and help them in their captivity. Fergus had sacrificed others in his cause; Liam was sacrificing himself, just as he had when he’d stepped forward and taken the whipping to spare Connor pain.
Kim got reluctantly to her feet, trying to brush off the worst of the dirt she’d rolled in. Liam was already looking, quick gaze darting everywhere as he skirted the dust in the corner that had been Fergus. He didn’t show much remorse about killing his clan leader, but Fergus had been nuts. Also, she knew the man wouldn’t have gone meekly home, promising to stop his experiments: I’m sorry, Liam, you’re right. I’ve been a bad Shifter.
Kim thought about Fergus’s mates, and the offspring Fergus had mentioned. Would they mourn him? Would they try to exact revenge on Liam or move on with their lives? What would Liam, as clan leader, do to them? Would all of those Shifters down in San Antonio accept him without rancor? This would be interesting to watch—interesting being a euphemism for scary.
Behind her, Liam said, “Here it is.”
She swung back to find Liam holding the thin silver and black chain as if it was a poisonous snake. Kim chewed her lip as he gripped the ends, one plain, one with the Celtic knot, in his white-knuckled fists.
“Will it work?” she asked. “It’s not broken?”
“Once it’s on me again, it should. Justin said that Brian’s experiments let him figure out how to unfuse the Collars from us, not disable the chips inside. He hadn’t got that far, yet.” Liam took a long breath. “This will hurt me, Kim. You should go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Maybe I just don’t want you seeing me weak and pathetic, love. A Shifter’s got his pride.”
“Liam, I’ve seen you strong, crazed, violent, angry, happy, sad, and far gone in passion. I love every single one of those, especially the last one. Did you know your pupils widen when you come? It’s like you want to take all of me in, forever. It’s very sexy.”
“Is it, now? Well, this won’t be. It wasn’t pretty the first time I put on a Collar, and I don’t imagine this will be much better.”
Kim folded her arms. “I’m not leaving. I’m your mate, remember? In the traditional human wedding ceremony, we promise to stick together for better or worse. That means not just when everything’s pretty, but when it’s bad, very bad.”
“I’m thinking there’s no line in there about watching your Shifter mate take his Collar.”
“Not last time I checked, but the idea is the same.”
Liam looked down at the Collar, chest rising sharply. “I can’t lie to you, Kim. It’s a bit easier knowing you’re near me.” He looked up, his eyes clear, dark blue, full of fear and full of love. “Wish me luck.”
“I love you,” Kim said.
A hint of his warm, wicked smile touched his mouth. “Love you too, sweetheart.”
He studied the Collar a long moment, then took another sharp breath and lifted the chain to his throat.
Liam’s muscles tightened as the Collar settled against his neck. Kim had no idea how the thing fastened, but as he touched the bare end to the Celtic knot, she heard a loud click, and then Liam screamed.
Cords stood out on his neck, and his entire body arched backward. He balled his fists and clenched his teeth, fighting the agony.
Kim rushed to him. Shifters comforted and helped each other with touch—maybe she could ease him a little bit if she could hold him. Liam thrashed as spasms racked his body, his screams becoming hoarse cries.
She reached for him. “Liam.”
Liam focused on her, his eyes white-blue. “No, Kim. Stay back.”
“You need me.” Kim grabbed his wrists, but he snapped them away from her.
“I said stay back.”
“And I said, you need me.”
Kim darted between his hands and slid her arms around his sweating waist. His skin was ice-cold. She rubbed his back, trying to warm him.
“Kim, no.”
“You need me,” she repeated firmly.
Liam drew breath after shuddering breath. He stood stiffly, body shaking at the same time. Then with a cry of agony, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck.
Chapter Twenty-three
How long they stood like that—arms locked around each other, Liam rocking in pain—Kim didn’t know. She held him while his hot tears dropped to her shoulder, while he kissed her neck and held her as if he’d never let her go.
Kim heard shouting outside. She lifted her head to see that the warehouse had grown darker, the rain still pelting but more softly now, the storm over. Flashlights cut through the gloom, and then the tall forms of Sean and Dylan emerged out of the darkness. Others trailed behind them—Glory, Ellison, Connor, Nate, and Spike.
Dylan played his flashlight on the two of them in the middle of the warehouse, Liam filthy and naked, Kim in rumpled clothes and probably just as filthy.
