“Come on Shaw, let’s do something fun. You know your parents are just going to stress you out and you only turn twenty once. It should be fun and exciting.” She had a glimmer in her amber eyes that I knew she was cooking something up that I would be hard pressed to talk her out of. I shoved the piles of paper into the drop bag and took the money Ayden handed me and did my tally. We always made good money, but for whatever reason today had been very profitable. I pulled my hair out of the ties and raked my nails across my scalp.
“Let’s talk about it later, okay? I just want to find Lou to walk us out in case Gabe decided to show back up and head home.”
“You think he will?”
She hooked her arm through mine and we made our way to the main entrance. “Do you think he would have the nerve to do that? I mean Rule and his friends seemed pretty intent on getting the point across that he back off and Lou told him to scram or he was gonna call the cops.”
“I don’t know, Ayd. He’s acting crazy. I never would have thought he would show up here and try and be all grabby and in my face. I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I mean it isn’t like we had some great romance and I left him heart broken or anything. We were lukewarm on our best days. Rule thinks he’s embarrassed that I dumped him plain and simple.”
“He’s probably right.”
I made a face as Lou escorted us to my car. We said goodbye and headed home. I was trying so hard to make decisions that were best for everyone, I wanted Rule to have the love and support of his family, I wanted Margot to get help and stop vilifying her son, I wanted Gabe to get over his deal and just move on and mostly I just wanted to have everyone else be okay so I could stop feeling so responsible for it all.
The next week went by in a blur. I had two tests, I picked up an extra shift at work and I was doing a very complicated game of dodge the ex because Gabe also went to DU and even though he was prelaw and typically on the other end of campus for some reason he seemed to be popping up around every corner. He called me at least twice a day and I was considering getting a new number but it seemed like such a hassle that I just sent his calls to voicemail and got really good at pretending I didn’t seem him.
Rome called and said Margot wasn’t doing any better. She was flat out refusing to go see a grief counselor and was now blaming Rule for the fact that I refused to come to Brookside on the weekends. According to him she was insisting he had somehow brain washed me and turned me against her. He wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone just yet even though Rule was harassing him to come and hangout I could tell he was feeling the familiar tug I often felt of being caught between his brother and his mom. I was bummed he wasn’t going to be around on my birthday but he had so much on his plate I didn’t say anything.
When the weekend rolled around I was tempted to give my Sunday shift away just to avoid one more weekend of drama, but the bar was busy and if Rule came in with his friends I didn’t see him. It was still weird not having to wrangle him for family brunch every Sunday but when my shift was over and there hadn’t been any headaches or any accusations and hurt feelings I breathed the first sigh of relief I had in what felt like years. I was feeling so mellow I let Ayden talk me into skipping a study group and going to grab Mexican food instead. It was the first time in forever that I just felt like me and I almost didn’t know what to do with myself.
Since it was the start of a new semester I felt like I was drowning in homework so I gave away my Friday shift and my Sunday shift, I didn’t work this Saturday since it was my birthday and everyone at the bar knew that Lou just loved me and would murder anyone that tried to make me work on the day I turned twenty.
By the time Friday afternoon rolled around I still hadn’t heard from either of my folks so I figured I was off the hook for forced family time, but I had received a text from Margot asking me to reconsider Sunday this week for my birthday. I had replied I would gladly come if Rule was invited as well and hadn’t heard anything back. Ayden was being secretive about what she had planned and it was making me nervous. I would’ve been happy with sushi and the movies again but she kept insisting that we needed to branch out, have an adventure, and do something new. Those words and her take no prisoners attitude seemed like a recipe for disaster but I was trying to stay positive because she was only trying to be nice to me and she was an amazing friend.
I was walking out of my anatomy class and texting one of the girls from work to remind her that she was working my closing shift tonight when I bumped into someone and immediately recoiled in fear and irritation. Gabe was standing in front of me looking as wrinkle free and immaculately groomed as always. His dark hair looked like he had been running his hands through it none stop and when he reached out to steady me I scrambled back so fast that I almost fell backwards onto my ass.
“What are you doing?” I wanted to sound indignant and hostile, but my voice cracked and I had to clear my throat to regain my composure. His blue eyes searched mine intently and I wondered how I had ever found him attractive when now he just weirded me out.
“Uh, you aren’t returning any of my calls and you’ve been really hard to pin down lately.”
“That’s because I don’t want to talk to you or see you. Get out of my way.”
“Shaw, wait.” He held up a hand and dug something out of his pocket and held it out towards me. “I know your birthday is tomorrow and I just wanted to get you something to say I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting. I was just crazy that you might have moved on to that freak but your mom explained it isn’t like that between the two of you. Here take it.” He shoved the velvet box towards me and I backed away like he was holding a live snake in his hands.
“I’m not taking that from you, I’m not taking anything from you. Leave me alone Gabe, I’m serious.”
“Look Shaw you can’t honestly believe there can ever really be anything between you and that guy. Your mom told me you’ve been carrying a torch for him for years and that he’s never even looked twice at you. You’re just not his type, you’re too good for him and he knows it. Just give me another chance; we make so much sense together.”
I wanted to punch him but I just let the ice that traveled through me at his words coat all the anger I felt starting to build.
“No.” I didn’t say anything else, just ‘no’, because I didn’t need to explain myself or my feelings or the fact that I knew most of what he said about Rule was true. I wasn’t too good for him, I was just too, ME for him to ever look at as anything other than how he did and I had had to make peace with that years ago. I took a few more stumbling steps backwards and then turned on my heel and broke into a full on jog to get away from him. I think he called my name but I didn’t care I just bolted. He was starting to really freak me out and the fact that my own mother was giving out the most intimate details of my life to him just made me wanna vomit. I couldn’t believe that a woman that didn’t even bother to make note of when I was moving out of her house because college was starting noticed how I felt about Rule when he was clueless and it just raked across my ego like razors. If Gabe didn’t knock it off I was going to have to look into changing my phone number and possibly getting a restraining order against him.
When I got home the apartment was empty so like a dork I made sure all the doors were double locked and that the deadbolt on the front door was closed. I hid out in my room and did homework and wallowed in the self-pity that was threatening to drown me. I didn’t consider myself an overly outgoing or optimistic person; it came from years of being over looked at home and socially awkward at school. For a while Remy had managed to pull my head out of the privileged shell I normally coward in and I had thought for sure that when I left Brookside and went off to college I would come into my own, only Remy had died and I was still trying so hard to be all kinds of things to people that just didn’t seem to appreciate my efforts. I dressed nice and minded my p and q’s so that my parents wouldn’t totally forget I existed. I babysat Rule and put up with his awful behavior because I wanted Margot and Dale to remember that he needed and deserve their love just as much as Remy had. I wore a ridiculous outfit to work and put up with silly girls and drunk customers because Ayden deserved a solid roommate that she could rely on and mostly I acted like interacting with Rule, watching him plow his way through the greater population of young adult women of Denver didn’t bother me, didn’t kill something side me and doing all those things day in and day out was starting to turn the little bits that were really me into a shadow.
I knew the reason I had initially agreed to go out with Gabe was because he in a very vague sense reminded me of Rule. He had dark hair, light eyes and while he was preppy and clean cut all the way he still had a little bit of mischief in him that just got past my normal reservations. I had known within the first few dates there was no spark, there never was because I was always looking for something, or rather someone that wasn’t there, but Gabe was polite and comfortable until I hadn’t wanted things to get physical. Six months was a long time to string someone along, I knew that, but it didn’t justify the bizarre obsessive behavior he was showing now and it was just one more burden I felt I had to shoulder.
I was so ready to just let it all go. I changed into a pair of sweats and curled up on the bed to watch some Netflix, knowing that Ayden wouldn’t be home from her shift until after two leaving me to pout alone. I should be out and about, should have a phone full of friends I could call to spend a rare Friday night off with, but I didn’t and that was just sad. All I needed was a couple of cats and a pint of ice cream to make the pathetic picture complete. Sometime after my second romantic comedy and Chinese delivery I vowed to fully embrace whatever Ayden had in store for me for my birthday tomorrow because what I was doing now was just sad. My roomie was right, I needed some fun, needed to lighten up and however she decided to make that happen I was on board for. I fell asleep watching yet another dorky girl get a fantastic make over because for whatever reason the guy couldn’t see how beautiful she was under her glasses and messy hair.
I woke up the next morning to happy birthday texts from Rome and my father. As usual there was nothing from my mom and I hated to admit I was sad that Margot didn’t send one. I decided to make breakfast. I was surprised by a beautiful bouquet on the kitchen table and recoiled when I saw who the card was from. I was seriously going to have to do something about Gabe.
Ayden was an early riser; she went running every morning no matter how late she got in from work the night before. She motioned to the flowers with her mug and scowled. “They were on the door step when I got back from my run.”
“I know. I think I might have to get a restraining order.”
“Isn’t his dad a judge or something?”
I sighed. “Yeah.” Getting Gabe to back off might be harder than I thought. “Do you want me to make breakfast?”
