“Yeah, so why?” Pilar demanded in frustration. “Why do I have to feel this way? Why me? T.Y.’s had a crush on you forever! Mack gets you better than anyone else! Hell, C.C.’s crazy enough for anything, and even fucking Jane would at least find it interesting! Why do I have to be the freak who gets insanely turned on by the mutant girl?”
Loup smiled.
“It’s not funny!” Pilar yelled at her. “Jesus! And it’s not the only reason! It’s not even the main reason! Jesus! How can you still not get it? You’re not dumb, Loup. You oughta be able to figure this out. I know you can’t get scared, but you can hurt, baby. I’ve seen you hurt.”
The rain began to fall harder.
“I’m sorry,” Loup said softly. “Will you please just tell me?”
“Two days.” Pilar looked up at the sky, then back at her. Tears and raindrops mingled on her cheeks. “Two days. That’s all the time you waited before you decided you were gonna fight the guy who killed Tommy. And if he doesn’t kill you, it doesn’t even matter if you win or lose. They’re gonna take you away.” She dashed the tears from her eyes with an impatient gesture. “It’s gonna hurt a whole lot less to lose you if I never had you.”
“Oh.”
Veils of rain beat down on them. Headlights sliced through it, the sound of a military vehicle’s horn cutting through the thunder and downpour.
“C’mon.” Loup grabbed Pilar’s hand. They ran for cover, steps splashing, taking shelter in the overhang of a boarded-up office building. The armored truck roared past them, throwing up sheets of water.
And then they were alone, water pouring from the eaves.
Pilar glanced at her, breathing hard from their dash.
Loup returned her gaze, steady and unblinking
“Oh, fuck it,” Pilar whispered. She took Loup’s face in her hands and kissed her, hard and deep. The rainwater was cool, but her skin was warm beneath it; and there was no pulling away, only pushing closer. Closer and closer. She pressed Loup against the door, kissed her hungrily, her tongue agile and expert. Pilar’s breasts pressing against hers, nipples erect with cool rain and desire. One leg pressed between her thighs. Her hands slid down to Loup’s waist, under her tank top, craving skin. Loup wound her arms around Pilar’s neck, kissing her back.
It was exhilarating.
Better than fighting, better than anything.
“Oh, my God,” Pilar murmured, breaking the kiss. Her open mouth slid over Loup’s throat, tasting her skin. Her hands slid upward. “You feel so fucking good I think I might lose my mind.”
Another military vehicle passed in the driving rain. Someone in uniform whistled and hollered.
Pilar pulled back with an effort, eyes glazed. “We should—”
“Yeah.” Loup glanced behind her at the boarded-up door. She drove one elbow backward, splintering plywood, then wrenched the door open. “C’mon.”
“Jesus!” Pilar said fervently.
They scampered up the stairs. The first unlocked door opened onto an abandoned insurance office with a big leather couch in the waiting room.
“C’mere.” Pilar fell backward onto it, pulling Loup atop her. “Oh, fuck yes!” She peeled off Loup’s tank top, sank one hand deep into her hair and grabbed her ass with the other, reclaiming her mouth and wriggling urgently beneath her. “More. I want more of you.”
“More,” Loup agreed, dizzy with wanting.
There was more; there was an abundance of more. And it was good, all good. Once they got the rest of their clothes off, it was even better. Naked, skin against skin, slick with rain and desire. “Mmm.” Pilar thrust against her, beneath her, hands urging her. “Oh, baby. Right there. Like that.”
It was like riding a wave, or like Loup imagined it would be. A wave of sheer pleasure, powerful and overwhelming. For the first time in her life, she didn’t feel wholly in control of her body. She moved, couldn’t stop moving, driven and relentless. Didn’t ever want to stop moving.
“Jesus!” Pilar shuddered, clutching her hard.
When it burst, it burst like a wave, too. Waves of pleasure, crashing and breaking.
Stillness was a long time in coming.
“Whoa.” Pilar opened her eyes. “Wow.”
Loup caught her breath. “So is that what it’s like for everyone else all the time?”
“Are you kidding?” Pilar laughed. “No, honey. I think that’s what they call fireworks. Shit, I didn’t even know you could get off like that. You’re just…” She ran her hands over Loup’s back, then cupped her face and kissed her. “Mmm.”
It started things all over again.
Loup moved downward, exploring. It was different, so different: soft skin, full curves instead of hard angles. But mostly it was different to have that subtle withdrawal replaced by urgent encouragement, to have someone want to touch her as much or more as she wanted to touch them.
“Jesus Christ!” Pilar gasped when Loup swirled her tongue around one nipple.
She lifted her head. “What?”
“Nothing.” Pilar’s hands tightened in Loup’s hair. “Baby, I think you were wasted on guys.” She paused. “And you don’t get tired easily, do you?”
Loup shook her head and smiled. “Uh-uh.”
Pilar sighed happily. “I think I’m in fucking heaven.”
Outside, the storm passed. The skies cleared, then darkened again. Another storm rolled into town. Pilar rolled Loup onto her back, kissed her and smiled at her, eyes heavy-lidded with pleasure.
“My turn.”
It wasn’t until the aftermath of the second storm that they lay quiet and calm, still entwined. Pilar ran one hand over Loup’s skin, caressing her from shoulder to hip, her touch soothing and drowsy.
“Ever since that night, I’ve thought about touching you,” she murmured. “Other things, too. But just touching you. God! I’ve dreamed about it.”
Loup propped herself on one elbow. “So I don’t feel weird to you?”
“Different, yeah. Weird’s not the word I’d use.” Pilar hesitated. “Don’t laugh?”
“I won’t.”
“Expensive.” She flattened her palm against Loup’s waist, stroked her. “You feel expensive. You ever have tequila? It’s a good buzz, but you know how there’s something nasty about the taste?” Loup nodded. “Well, that’s the cheap shit. You can’t get the really good stuff anymore. It’s all made in Mexico. But Hector Salamanca bought a shitload of it before the wall went up. There’s not a lot left, but we keep a bottle in the bar for Rosa. We’re not even allowed to sell it.” She watched her hand glide over Loup’s skin. “Joe poured me a taste once, and holy shit, it was good. Smooth, no bite. You wanted to sip it to make it last. I could of drunk the whole bottle. It tasted like liquid gold.” Her hand went still. “You feel like it tasted.”
“Oh,” Loup said in a soft voice.
“Yeah, oh.” Pilar smiled wryly. “Expensive. Does that make me shallow?”
“No.” Loup smiled back at her. “Maybe it makes you a… oh, fuck. What’s the word? Floyd taught it to me. A connoisseur.”
“I like that.” She traced the curve of Loup’s cheek. “Though I’ve gotta tell you, the whole cute and deadly thing gets me, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”
“No.” Loup shook her head. “And I don’t think you’re shallow, either. You’re good with people, all kinds of people. And you are good at comforting them. Those kids whose house burned down. Me. And Kotch… the night Kotch was raped, you were the first person to go to her. You didn’t have to agree to be the bait when we went after the guy, but you did, even though it was dangerous. And you’re the one who thought of helping out those poor O’Brien kids. So quit saying it, okay?”
“I’ll try.” Pilar kissed her, lingering. “Thanks.”
“Yeah.” She ran a lock of Pilar’s hair through her fingers, finer and silkier than her own. “I really do like you. A lot. It’s not just…”
“Epic sex?”
“Epic sex,” Loup agreed.
“So can I talk you out of it?” Pilar didn’t say what. She didn’t need to.
Loup tensed. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
“No,” Loup said honestly. “I think you could talk me into or out of a lot of things. But I think… I think this is something I need to do. Something I was meant to do. But right this second, I’m not sure of anything.”
“So you’ll let me try?” Pilar persisted.
“Does that mean you won’t ask me to pretend today never happened?”
Pilar made a face. “Yeah.” She wrapped her arms around Loup, pulled her closer. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
THIRTY-FIVE
The sky was clear and the sun was setting by the time they left the office building.
“Wow.” Pilar blinked. “We missed dinner.”
“I know. I’m starving.”
“I’ve got money. You want to get a bite? You’ve got a curfew permit, right?”
“Yeah.” Loup nodded. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” Pilar glanced sideways at her. “I’m not exactly in a hurry to get back, you know? It’s gonna be weird.”
“Are you gonna be okay with it?”
“Maybe.”
They went to the diner where Loup had grown up. Grady had died some five years ago, but the new owner, a distant cousin named Rudy, had always been good to her when she’d come in with Tommy. The diner was mostly full with soldiers and a few Outposters, but they found an empty booth in the corner.
“I feel like everyone’s staring at us.” Pilar ducked her head, studying the menu. “Like they know.”
