“If you were attacked here once, it could happen again, and with more force and preparation,” Eilahn pointed out.
“I think it’s time to take the fight to our opponent,” Ryan said, eyes narrowing.
“With what?” I said, frustration rising. “We have nothing. No proof. No probable cause for a warrant.”
“Fuck warrants,” he growled. “This asshole tried to kill you in your sleep. I don’t know about you, but that kinda pisses me off.”
I snorted softly. “Yeah, well, it didn’t exactly give me warm fuzzies.”
He stood up. “This has gone beyond what our legal system can deal with. Think about it, Kara. There’s no way we’ll ever be able to put together a case that could go to court. Ben Moran isn’t strong enough to crush someone’s spine, and we can’t exactly present his accomplice in trial.” He leaned forward and planted his hands on the table. “You said it yourself. We have no proof.”
My mouth felt dry. Ryan was voicing things I’d been reluctant to consider. “But then we’re nothing more than vigilantes, Ryan. And what are we supposed to do? Go kill Ben Moran?”
“If that’s what it takes to eliminate the threat, then yes.” He straightened, never taking his eyes from me. “He brought this on himself, Kara. If he hadn’t brought the fight to us by attacking you, then he probably would have gotten away with this.”
“But what if we’re wrong?” I said. I rubbed my arms, unsettled at the turn the conversation had taken. “What if he’s not the one doing this? Ryan, I couldn’t live with myself if we did something drastic and he wasn’t the bad guy.”
Frustration and anger swept across his face. “Then we’ll make sure we’re not wrong. We’ll get proof, or a confession, or whatever it takes. It won’t be anything we can take to court, but it’ll be enough to let us know we’re doing the right thing.”
I gave a shaky nod, but I still felt horribly conflicted, which, frankly, surprised me. I’d always kind of assumed that in a truly dire situation I’d be able to do the whole superhero thing and Do What Needed To Be Done—no matter what—to save the world. After all, I knew without a doubt that, as a police officer, I could pull the trigger in a life-or-death situation. I’d carefully examined that moral issue when I’d first entered law enforcement. But what Ryan was talking about was different—taking the fight to the bad guy and eliminating the threat in a preemptive strike. Crossing heavily into that grey area, and edging dangerously close to the darker edge, if not going over.
I guess I had more faith and support for our legal system than I ever imagined.
“I took an oath, Ryan,” I said, stomach oddly tight. “I’m supposed to uphold the law. Not commit ... murder.”
Ryan came around the table and took me by the shoulders. “Kara. I know this is tough for you. You’re a cop. I’m a cop. You’re passionate about your work and you believe in justice and what’s right. But this has gone beyond the laws of the mundane world. He’s using magic. And that’s how we have to fight back. You swore an oath to uphold the law, but that oath also includes protecting the public.”
I looked over at Eilahn, hoping for some sort of signal or advice or solution or something from her, but she was silent and still, watching us. This was my moral dilemma.
I could feel tears snaking down my cheeks, but I made no move to wipe them away. Why was this so hard for me?
Because I’m normal, I told myself. It shouldn’t be easy. Back when I was a road cop one of my teammates had revealed to me that he’d shot and killed a man in the line of duty when he’d worked for NOPD.
“It was a good shoot,” he’d told me. “The guy had a gun and woulda killed me. There was never any question that my actions weren’t justified.” He’d paused. “But it still ate me alive that I’d killed a man. I saw the counselor for a long time, and you know what? That’s the way it should be. It shouldn’t be easy to deal with killing someone, especially if you’re a cop. We do it when we have to, but if it doesn’t hurt, then you’re a sick fucker.”
And now I was being asked to take it to another level. I looked back at Ryan. “Have you ... ?”
His expression grew very remote. “I have. But only when there was no other choice. Kara, I’m not going to give you some bullshit line about how you were given a gift and how you should use it for the benefit of mankind, or some crap like that.”
“But that’s what this is about, isn’t it?” I retorted. “I have arcane abilities. I can do things other people can’t.”
“So what? It’s not about your abilities. It’s about you and your moral base.” He lifted a hand and wiped a tear away form my face, a move that damn near undid me. I was too exhausted to be dealing with this right now. “Kara, I know what you’re going through. I went through it too. You swore to uphold the law and protect the public. I’m not trying to tell you what to do—”
I held up a hand to stop him. “Enough.” I pulled away from him. “Yes, you are trying to tell me what to do. I know you mean well and you’re worried about me and everyone else, but ... I need a few minutes.” I started toward the kitchen door.
“We don’t have much time, Kara,” Ryan said, beginning to follow me. I turned back to say something sharp and unpleasant, but before I could open my mouth, Eilahn stepped in front of him, barring his way.
“You will give her the time she needs,” the demon said, tone low and even. I watched in mild shock as anger swept across Ryan’s face, clearly directed at the demon. But I had the unerring feeling that there wasn’t a damn thing he could say or do that would move her. “Do not push her to an action that could destroy her later.”
She’s protecting me, I realized in a burst of clarity. She was a guardian in all ways, not just physically.
Fatigue and regret replaced the anger as Ryan shifted his gaze to me. “I would never do anything to hurt you, Kara.”
I nodded, a lump in my throat. “I know. Ryan, I just need to think and figure this out on my own.” I said quietly. I turned and headed down the hallway to my bedroom. I didn’t look back again, but I knew that Ryan wouldn’t try to follow me again.
I changed out of the borrowed clothing, not thinking of anything in particular, but allowing the thoughts and emotions of everything that had happened in the past year to swirl freely through my mind. Six months ago, my life had changed irrevocably, when Rhyzkahl had come through my summoning portal instead of the fourth-level demon I’d intended. I was a full summoner, with the power and knowledge to call forth demons—creatures of incredible strength and arcane power. Moreover, I was oathbound to the most powerful demonic creature of all—a demonic lord.
This wasn’t about me wasting my gifts, I realized as I pulled jeans on. This was about me using every weapon and tactic at my disposal. One of those weapons was my ability to see if arcane power was being used, and if not for that, no one would have even known that the deaths of Vic and Roger and Adam had been anything but accidental.
I hesitated with my hands on the button of my jeans, then shucked them off and dug my fatigue pants out instead, pulling on boots and topping it all with a black T-shirt. I belted on my holster, as well as my ankle holster and my backup piece, then grabbed a clean set of sweats and headed back to the kitchen. Eilahn stood in the doorway, casually leaning against the jamb. Ryan sat at the kitchen table, looking oddly morose.
Eilahn straightened and stepped aside to allow me to enter. Ryan lifted his head but didn’t say anything.
“We’re facing someone who’s committed several acts of murder,” I said, “and will no doubt commit more if he’s not stopped. My job—my oath—compels me to do all I can to stop a murderer.” I took a deep breath. “And, failing to act would be a greater violation of my oath. We’re not going outside the law. We’re going beyond what the law can handle.”
I thought Ryan would look pleased at that admission, but he merely gave a small nod, a haunted expression passing briefly over his face.
“That being said,” I continued, “we have to bear in mind that if we decide to do what needs to be done, there may be ramifications, such as, oh, being arrested for murder. Therefore, we need to think hard and long about what we do, and then plan and be careful.”
I turned and handed the sweats to Eilahn. “Put these on, please. We need to relocate to someplace safer, then we can figure out what we’re going to do and see about getting you proper clothing.” Good thing I’d recently paid off my credit card. It was about to get a workout.
She accepted the clothing with a gracious nod, then, without a blink of hesitation, dropped the robe from her shoulders, standing unashamedly naked in my kitchen before pulling the sweats on.
“We can go to my place,” Ryan said. I flicked a glance to him to see his reaction to Eilahn, but he was very carefully looking at the opposite wall. Smart man. “I highly doubt Moran knows where that is. I’ll call Zack and let him know.”
I nodded, suddenly realizing that I had no idea where he lived either. He’d mentioned something a while back about renting a house in the area, but I’d never asked where it was. Good thing he was driving.
“Then let’s roll,” I said, feeling like a badass.
Chapter 32
My badass attitude lasted as long as it took for me to get into the car, put my head back against the headrest, and close my eyes. The next thing I knew someone was gently shaking my shoulder.
“Kara,” a vaguely familiar voice said. “You have rested long enough now. It is time for you to wake.”
I opened my eyes, instantly confused to see that I was in bed—and not my own. I rolled over to see Eilahn standing beside the bed. Behind her Ryan stood in the bedroom doorway, scowling darkly. I sat up and scrubbed at my face. I had the vaguest whisper of memory of being carried from the car to inside a house. I was pretty sure it was Eilahn who had carried me, too, which might have possibly explained why Ryan looked pissed.
