When she’d come, her pu**y had gripped his tongue. Wet, pulsing, flesh, fluttering against wet, pulsing, flesh. Her juices saturated his mouth, a rush of honey he not only swallowed, but sucked from her flesh long after she had begged him to stop.
But that had been then. This was now.
Caleb sighed heavily, frustrated by the turn of events. More bothersome than Kitten’s demeanor was the prospect of Rafiq’s impending visit. He had tried to call Rafiq earlier, while Kitten was getting dressed and combing her hair, but there had been no answer. Caleb could only assume Rafiq was either on his way or ignoring him. He hoped it was the latter. The last thing he needed after what was sure to be a very long and taxing car trip was a confrontation with Rafiq.
Their relationship was beyond complicated. Rafiq was many things to Caleb. At one time, his guardian. Later, a friend. Now? Rafiq called him brother. But Rafiq was also much more. Rafiq held a power and a sway over Caleb he’d never felt comfortable with. Caleb had been a difficult teenager. After Narweh, he was left with a lot of fear that had turned to anger. There had been times when they had argued and Caleb had seen things in Rafiq he wished never to see again.
Rafiq would stop at nothing to have his plans carried through. Everyone was expendable; anyone, collateral damage. If ever it came down to it, Rafiq would kill him, and therefore, Caleb had to be prepared to strike first. The truce lay in the fact neither of them would relish the task.
As Caleb made his way through the narrow roads, he spared a thought to think about what he would do if Rafiq were waiting for them in Tuxtepec. He gripped the wheel tighter. He knew. That was the problem. He knew exactly what would happen.
Prepare her.
“It’s going to take us all day and part of tomorrow to reach our destination.” He relaxed his grip on the wheel and leaned into the back of his seat. He had to stop being soft with her. He had to make her tough, make her hard, and he knew better than most how the coldness of reality would sober any wide-eyed hopeful. The first step had been telling her the truth about her future, but he had to push her further. He had to make her understand. There was no future for them. “I suggest you take the time and wrap your mind around the seriousness of your situation. I forgive you for running away, but only because fate has done a better job of punishing you than I could.” Caleb kept his eyes forward, refusing to acknowledge the heartbroken girl next to him. He didn’t have to see her to know how much his words hurt her. An echo of her pain seemed to reverberate through him. At least, that’s what he wanted to believe it was – an echo.
He recalled the press of her lips against his scars. She kisses my scars and I create new ones for her.
“You’re still going through with it?” Kitten’s tone was anguished, but also angry and determined.
He told himself over and over: She’s plotting her revenge already. She’ll never care for you. If he reminded himself enough, perhaps he could get the truth through his head. So, he repeated the words like a mantra. She’s playing you. She’s just bidding time until she can be rid of you.
“I never said otherwise, Kitten. I’ve broken no promises to you,” Caleb replied, his tone harsh and unyielding. He had to slam the door shut on everything between them. It was the only way to move forward and ensure her survival. It’s your survival, too.
Caleb expected her sobs at any moment. It was their dance: she fought him, he hurt her, and she cried…he felt like shit. Repeat. He was surprised to hear the steel in her voice when she snapped at him.
“You promised me if I did as you asked, I would always come out better for it. Do you still believe that, Caleb? Do you really think selling me into sexual slavery, will make me better?”
“It’s done,” he said.
“Fuck you,” she spat.
Anger surged and flared on the heels of his guilt. He had promised her, but not in the way she proposed. “I mean to teach you how to survive this. I have always intended to arm you with what you’ll need. In that way, yes,” he hissed. “I’ll keep my promise. But I’ve made other promises as well – to someone who has earned my loyalty.”
“Am I supposed to earn your loyalty, Caleb?” She sneered at him. “Why? What about my loyalty? What have you done to earn that?” Caleb clenched his jaw. “You’re worse than those bikers,” she spat, her body tense and coiling, ready to attack. “At least they knew they were monsters. You’re pathetic! You’re a monster who imagines he’s something else.”
Heat surged up Caleb’s spine and radiated down toward his fingers. He held the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip. His first instinct was to hit her, to release the wheel, and slap her across the face, but what would it prove? Only that she was right, which of course, she was. Only a monster could do the things he’d done. Only a monster would have the instincts he had, and only a monster would feel indifferent to his nature, or try to rationalize it.
“I know what I am,” he said, calmly. “I’ve always known.”
He gave her a quick up and down look. She slouched back in her seat, as though his gaze were venom.
“It’s you, who thinks otherwise,” Caleb said. He watched Kitten flinch. His words apparently hurt her feelings, but they were the truth. The truth stung them both. She had seen him as something else, something she deemed better. For a little while, he’d shared her imagination. He had never realized how much it meant to him, until it was no longer true. No one had ever seen him as someone capable of being more and he had just hurt the one person who did.
It was just as well. He wanted to return to the time before he had ever known she existed, a time when his life was black and white, and the gray didn’t matter. He ached for the simplicity of his life, free of moral quandaries, guilt, shame, overbearing lust, and the worst sin of all, longing. He wanted to go to bed at night and know exactly what to expect when he woke up. He wanted Kitten out of his life and out of his head.
The space inside the vehicle was silent, but loud and clear. Caleb was glad to stare out of the windshield as stretches of road disappeared under them, taking them thousands of kilometers from that shower, their confessions, and all the possibilities of what might have been between them.
After a while, they finally ventured onto paved city roads. Civilization surrounded them. Caleb didn’t miss the way Kitten sat up straighter in her seat, her head turned to view everything passing her window. She raised her uninjured arm and pressed her palm to the window.
Caleb swallowed and ignored her, eyes front.
The sun was shining brightly, burning off what was left of the morning chill. Caleb reached for the air conditioner and set it low. He would roll down the windows when there weren’t quite so many people around to hear Kitten’s impassioned pleas for help. He had to get rid of the vehicle as well, just in case the doctor didn’t keep his word and the Federales were already looking for them. He had a few hundred U.S. dollars on him, and a few hundred pesos, courtesy of the doc. It wasn’t enough to bribe a cop, but plenty for your average trouble maker. Regardless, the sooner they arrived in Tuxtepec, the better. Caleb pulled into a roundabout and took the exit leading toward Chihuahua. He’d have to stop and get everything he needed near the city.
“I can’t change your mind, can I?” The soft spoken words pulled Caleb back into the car. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He didn’t want to talk. “This is all really happening. Isn’t it? And you’re going to let it happen…aren’t you?”
“Try and go to sleep, Kitten.” His voice was detached, wooden. “We have a long way to go.”
She wouldn’t relent, though her manner was casual and airy, as though she were only speaking aloud, not expecting an answer, “I admit…at first I thought…” she shrugged. “I thought you really were my ‘knight in shining armor’. Stupid, I know.”
Her ironic sadness, as she repeated Caleb’s words tried to make him feel guilt. Instead, he worked to ignore her. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of badgering him into an argument.
“I was so shocked when I saw you again. Shocked to discover…I thought you were a monster then. You terrified me. But now? Now, I don’t know how I feel about you,” she whispered.
Caleb gripped the wheel tighter with one hand and flipped on the stereo, flooding the vehicle with loud Banda music.
Kitten turned to face him, the once far-away look gone from her face and replaced by narrowed eyes and a mouth set into a stern line. She reached for the knob and switched the radio off. “So that’s your answer?”
Caleb took a deep breath and tried to control his anger, “You think you’re so f**king clever, don’t you?” He gave a mirthless, condescending laugh. “Do you honestly believe for one second I’m not aware of what you’re doing? You’re trying to make me feel guilty, trying to make me believe you have feelings for me.” She winced, her jaw clenching. “You know you’re trapped and you’re trying to find a way out. Trying to seduce me with your show of caring and sharing won’t work on me.” He scoffed when he saw the way Kitten feigned surprise and hurt. “You can drop the act. I’m not impressed. You’re attempts are laughably transparent.”
