Did they know this planet would fall just like all the rest of them?
And that I was helpless to stop it from happening?
“Don’t.” Seth commanded, his low voice a growl in my ear. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. Let’s get you to bed.”
I shook my head and tried to clear it of those awful, paralyzing thoughts and realized I had started to tremble. I refocused my eyes and turned around so that Seth could lead me up the stairs and to my room. Each step felt painful and took effort. Each movement of my body was forced and struggled for.
I was exhausted. But I was more than anything disturbed deeply by what happened tonight. More than the fear of my almost death was the realization that Aliah could have done anything to me and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him. Besides the number of sins he was capable of committing against me, it was more that I was weak and helpless in his arms. He had debilitated me before I could even wrap my head around what was happening and he had forced his Darkness into me while only embers of my abilities flickered against his all-consuming power.
He was so much more than I could ever have imagined facing.
So much more evil than I ever believed existed.
Or ever wanted to believe existed.
Seth opened my bedroom door and turned on the bedside lamp so that the room was illuminated by a soft, warm glow of light. I stepped inside my room feeling like I didn’t belong here anymore. This was the room of a naïve, sheltered child and I had come home tonight as a wide-eyed, inadequate failure.
This room was for those who believed they were still safe.
I wasn’t safe.
“Come to me,” Seth demanded. And I obeyed.
He was leaning against the closed door; his shoulders were still painfully tight, his light still shimmering around him. His eyes were a perfect color of honey that was deepened with his intensity. He reached out a hand to me, a strong, calloused, perfect hand and I took it so that he could pull me into him and crush me against him again.
I didn’t feel safe anymore. All of my disillusions had disappeared.
Except in Seth’s arms. Here, against his chest, with the beat of his heart pounding against my cheek and his protective arms shielding me from every dark thing in this world…. here I felt safe.
“Whatever you are feeling…. whatever you are thinking…. it’s not your fault,” Seth promised, his voice so thick with emotion that it made my chest constrict until I had to force myself to breathe again.
“It’s not yours either,” I whispered. His breath hitched in response and he clutched me impossibly closer. “Seth, he wants you,” I tried to hide the agonizing fear that laced each of my thoughts with despair, but it was useless. The fear seeped in, infected everything inside of me and left me empty of hope.
“He won’t get me,” Seth answered simply and I was surprised by the simplicity of his confidence. “I’ve lived the last eight years knowing two things for certain. One that the Darkness, in whatever form it takes, is actively hunting each and every living, breathing, good thing that exists in this universe. There are levels of denial and safety and naivety, but the Darkness wants us all. And it will stop at nothing until it either has us all or it’s destroyed. And the second thing I know is that at some level…. we all want it to capture us.”
I stopped breathing completely at his words. I had been scared into reality tonight. But Seth lived with a level of pain and struggling that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend, not at any level. And as easy as it would be for me to believe him, especially after tonight…. I had to believe there was an in between the pain of his path and the reality of the world we lived in.
“We fight two battles, Stella,” he continued and now I knew he was right. “One against the Darkness that threatens everything we know and love. And another against ourselves and what we would destroy should we give into the Darkness and end it all ourselves.”
We stayed like that for a few more minutes, before he slipped a finger under my chin and tilted my face upward to look at him. He leaned down into me and despite tonight’s events the room swam in my peripheral vision. His face was the only thing I could see clearly, his piercing eyes, his chiseled jawline, his full, wet lips.
I felt my own lips tremble just before they met his with soft, yielding pressure. He kissed me sweetly, gently and I had never felt more delicate but protected in my entire life. The kiss, my first kiss ever, only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough to change me, rearrange the most secret places of me, and forever move some pieces of me that would never go back to being the same.
In the sweetness of his gesture I felt every fear and insecurity he had and held for me, but I also felt the depth of his emotion, the hope he had for us and in the undiscovered future neither one of us fully realized yet. He was so much more than the Angel I met just over a month ago, so much more important to every fiber of my life.
“Get some sleep, Stel, everything will feel less heavy in the morning,” he smiled down at me, disarming me with his perfect, easy grace.
“Promise?” I asked in a small voice.
“Promise,” he said finally and then released me. He left my room and suddenly the space around me felt ginormous and coldly empty.
I changed into fresh pajamas and lay down in my bed with thousands of thoughts swirling around in my head. I couldn’t bring myself to turn off the lamp, especially with Seth gone. I listened for a while to the conversation that continued after Seth returned downstairs, but eventually the voices quieted and then disappeared completely, although I was almost positive no one had left our house.
I willed myself to shut down and go to sleep but there was too much going on inside of me, too much had happened tonight.
I wouldn’t allow myself to think on Aliah directly, or dwell on what could have happened tonight. The memories and insecurities snapped through my thoughts like a disjointed, half-distorted slide show on repeat. I knew if I tried to dissect what went wrong I would only be swallowed up by the feeling of failure.
Vulnerable.
That’s the emotion that kept trying to choke me.
And vulnerable in the worst way possible…. in the way that ended with a quick slice of a sword blade and my head rolling off my body in a hollowed out thump on the ground.
A violent shudder rippled through me.
Pull it together.
And I was almost there, almost whole again when a soft, but stern tapping on my window had my heart in my throat desperately trying to pound a hole in my trachea. I sat up straight in bed, wild-eyed and so disturbingly paranoid it was painful. My breathing was labored and fast and my hands had begun to shake as I went for my katana hidden under my mattress. I felt like an unstable burst of light vibrating uncontrollably, waiting to be unleashed against the planet.
And then Tristan’s shaved head appeared beyond the glass and I fought quickly to find my sanity. He watched me come back to myself through the window pane, his hands rubbing over his head roughly. I carefully set the sword down on my night stand, and collected myself before throwing off the blanket and walking to the window.
“What are you doing here?” I asked out of breath. “You scared me to death!”
“I’m sorry,” Tristan mumbled. I could tell he felt bad for scaring me, and then I saw the emotion in his forest green eyes. “I was just worried.”
“Oh my gosh, Tristan, I should have called,” I cried, as I pulled him in through my open window and threw myself in his arms. “It’s been a crazy night.”
I nuzzled my face against his neck and let his arms circle around me. This was a different kind of comfort than Seth. Tristan was absolutely safe because there was no immediate danger with him, he wouldn’t face the Darkness head on and risk his life, he wouldn’t be hunted by the worst kind of evil on planet. He was sheltered from all of that.
And yet his arms didn’t feel like I was lying to myself, or sheltering my own fears from reality. I felt the legitimate safety that came when someone cared about you more than themself. Tristan would fight whatever evil faced him to protect me. I knew that in my heart of hearts.
So I let his strong arms pull me to him and the excitement his closeness brought lessen the demons that haunted me.
“Are you Ok, Stella?” He asked against my bedhead hair.
“I am now,” I breathed, pushing up on my tiptoes, so I could hold him tighter around his neck.
“What happened tonight?” he asked and I noticed the careful tone he used. He was afraid I wouldn’t tell him.
Or maybe he was afraid I would.
I pulled away and led him to my bed. We sat down, keeping our closeness, my hands slipping into his immediately. He sighed next to me, and I debated whether or not to tell him the truth. Part of me wanted to protect him from having to carry that kind of scary truth and the other part, the part that would win, just wanted avoid having secrets between us.
I rested my head on his shoulder, nuzzling against it until I found a soft spot around all of his
sharp bones. “Seth and I…. those were some really bad men at the pizza restaurant…. like really bad.”
“I thought you didn’t fight men?” Tristan asked, his voice trembling with anger at events that weren’t even revealed to him yet.
“No, I don’t. Sorry, these guys at least look like men. I mean, they’re like me. They’re called Fallen. And most of the time that means they become bad over time, but Aliah pretty much started out that way. He was one of the original third that fell from heaven. He’s pretty much the worst of the worst,” I explained meekly.
“And you fought him tonight?” Tristan growled.
“No, not really,” I admitted. “There wasn’t actually any fighting tonight. He…. he pretty much proved who was the stronger Warrior and it was definitely not me,” I laughed humorlessly.
“But you’re Ok?”
“He let me go…. he could have killed me, but he let me go.”
“Why?” Tristan choked, and I could tell he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer.
“I’m not sure. But I do know he will never let me go again. This time was a warning, he was proving his dominance. I won’t get so lucky next time,” I whispered.
Tristan pulled me to him again, gratitude for my safety radiating from him. I breathed him in, savoring this moment, especially now that I knew how quickly it could have been ripped from me. I felt Tristan still beside me, his body tensed and aggressive. He pulled away for a moment and opened his mouth. I knew he wanted to ask more questions, or say something…. or I don’t really know what. But he stared at me for several seconds until he pulled me back to him without saying anything.
He lay back on the bed, pulling me with him and into the nook of his arm. I cuddled closer, so thankful that he came tonight and was willing to just hold me. My eyes fluttered closed. With Tristan so near I couldn’t keep them open anymore. I was drained, physically and emotionally.
I took one more big breath, inhaling Tristan, his clean, masculine scent that belonged only to him and let sleep finally take me away.
