“Really? Comic book references?” Tristan chuckled despite our heavy topic. “You’re such a
nerd.”
I shrugged and continued, “This contract is absolutely binding. And it’s what we call a ‘third-
party contract.’ So it took three signers to complete the pact: Seth, who sold his soul to protect me from any kind of harm until I’m eighteen. Aliah, who bargained his own life to ensure Seth’s loyalty. And then the third party- Jude. He is like the leverage both sides need. If he lets something happen to me that is not fatal, he dies. If something happens to him by one of us, Seth dies.”
“And what if something fatal happens to you?”
“Aliah dies.”
“Sounds like all the bases are covered.”
“Exactly,” I nodded. “Except the part where I’m not a pawn in some sadistic game of Spy vs. Spy.”
“Because without his soul….?”
“Seth is basically Fallen,” I filled in the blank. “He has nothing to hold onto his Light. He has no tie to goodness, or humanity or his purpose on Earth. He just exists as a lost individual constantly in the company of the worst evil in the galaxy.”
“And when you turn eighteen?”
“We’re all released. Supposedly Seth gets his soul back and I’m officially fair game again.”
“Why until your eighteen? That’s fifteen months away. That seems like a random time frame.”
“When I turn eighteen, I come into the fullness of my powers. I’m assuming Seth did this so I could have a fighting chance against this thing. That’s the only explanation I could come up with.”
“I wasn’t thrilled with Seth,” Tristan took a step forward and pulled me against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I immediately buried my face in his chest, needing the familiarity of his body close to mine. “But I like him a hell of a lot more than this guy.”
I let out a tense laugh and nodded. “He’s kind of crazy, right?”
“So crazy.”
“At least I have you. Thank you for not going anywhere.”
“Are you kidding?” Tristan pulled back and stared directly into my eyes, like he could see further than what was on the surface, like he could see what was in all of me. “You’ve got me Stella. For as long as you want me.”
I dove for his chest again and just let myself stay there. It was so weird not having to worry about Seth finding us like this, or worrying about making him feel bad. I loved Seth, yes. But I also loved Tristan; I loved him for a whole lot longer than I even knew Seth.
The strangest thing about this hug though, was that there was no guilt. No, I didn’t have to worry about Seth walking in on us, but in a way, I was still betraying him. And while he risked everything for me.
So why didn’t it feel wrong to hug Tristan?
There was something different between us, but I had no idea what it was. I had loved Tristan for as long as I could remember. He’d always been a part of my life. And he would always be a part of my life. I had to wonder if maybe I was ready to accept that fully. Seth was removed and now my heart felt free to choose completely.
Or maybe not.
It didn’t matter now though, because I needed this hug. I needed to let Tristan hold me.
I would figure the rest out later.
Chapter Thirteen
“Where are Serena and Nate?”
“You’re home early?” my dad commented when I slammed the kitchen door behind me.
“Soccer was canceled because of the weather.” I gestured through the kitchen window at the lightning and heavy rain outside. “Dad, do you know where they are?”
“Stella, sit down,” he ordered. He looked up over his book- some biography on World War Two- and gave me his “concerned” expression.
I obeyed and then took a moment to breathe. I was worked up from a day of Jude following me around and missing Seth and feeling confused about Tristan. And I didn’t want to sulk at home and think about how differently I could have behaved with Seth.
I wanted to kill things.
Lots and lots of things.
“How are you doing, kiddo?” Dad asked me. His bright blue eyes sparkled with life and his skin was brilliant with his inner glow. I loved my parents so much; they were always there for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better set. But I could see how antsy they were getting with their orders to stay on Earth. They were meant to fight, and they could only do so much of that here. I had been selfish before with my unwillingness to grow up and be who I was meant to be.
No more of that.
“I’m fine,” I shrugged, anxious to get out of here.
“You’re fine?” he chuckled.
“Ok, obviously I’m not fine. I’m thinking the best thing to do would be to go fight off some of this stress.” I gave him a charming smile and forced myself to sit still. I hadn’t told my parents or Jupiter about running into Seth the other day, because I couldn’t exactly tell them that he stalked me just so he could make out with me, and then embarrass me in front of his sister. And I wasn’t planning on telling them about the whole fainting incident at school either. I didn’t want to appear weak while I was trying to get my on-field experience upped.
And I had to admit I didn’t want Jude getting in any trouble either. Not that I cared about him per se, but having to deal with another Fallen gave me an instant headache. At least, I kind of knew what to expect with him.
“Have you seen Seth?” my dad asked with perceptive eyes.
Ugh.
“Yes,” I nodded. “I saw him after my soccer game.”
To my dad’s credit he didn’t ask about the nature of Seth’s visit….
“Was he at all recognizable?”
I thought about that for a few moments. “Yes, at first. I mean, he seemed, I don’t know, harsher or more serious maybe, but still him. There were still things about him that were familiar. But by the end…. he was obviously different.”
“What made him different toward the end of your encounter?” My dad leaned forward, giving me all of his intelligent attention. I realized then that I did want to talk about this. It was so hard to process everything that was going on; it would be nice to get his opinion.
“Well, Seven showed up and his entire attitude changed. He went from being a little aggressive to cold and bullying. But then, right before he left he reminded me of our relationship. Honestly, it was very confusing.”
“Did Seven hurt you?” Suddenly my dad was very angry. His eyes flashed with light and his shoulders tensed for action.
“No!” I assured him. “She didn’t even try to touch me.”
“I suppose she’s not allowed to now.” He relaxed his shoulders but still seemed tense.
I thought about my episode in the hallway this morning and wondered if it was her.
“Did Seth hurt you?”
“No.” I thought about it for a moment. “Do you think he would though? I have never been worried about Seth hurting me, even after I found out he’d given up his soul. But then Jude was there, and after Seven and Seth left, I asked him why. He said he was contracted to protect me from every threat- even Seth. I don’t know. I would never have thought Seth would be capable of something like hurting me, but he just…. he wasn’t himself.”
“And it’s only going to get worse, Stella.” My dad answered my question without actually answering it. Seth would and could hurt me. “He’s without his soul, yes. But he still remembers what it was like to have one, he still has some connection to his morality. The further he is removed from that memory, the worse he’ll get.”
“Have you ever known anyone that’s done this before?”
He shook his head. “Not personally, although it does happen.”
“And do they…. has anyone ever come back from it?”
“Not that I know of.” My dad looked down at his hands while I shattered into a hundred million pieces at his words. “But if anyone could….”
“I know, it would be Seth,” I whispered. Although I wondered if that was true. To be detached from his soul for fifteen months, to live with Aliah and carry out his evil bidding, to be submerged in a culture that was the exact opposite of what he was born for…. it didn’t seem likely that even Seth could overcome that.
You are my anchor.
That’s what he’d told me. But was that true? Could I tether him to this life, to his soul?
“I know you want to be out with Nate and Serena more.” I looked up and met my dad’s resolute gaze. “Maybe that’s a good idea. Maybe you should expose yourself to as much as you can. You’ll know to pull back if it gets too dangerous for you.”
“So I can go?” I asked with childlike excitement.
“Call Jupiter,” he smiled at me. “Find out where Serena and Nate are. He might want to go with you. I think he’s bored.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he came over this afternoon and asked if I needed any help farming.”
I couldn’t stop the laughter from spilling out. “But, it was raining this afternoon.”
“I am well aware. Go call him, get him out of here for a while.”
“Love you, Dad.”
“Love you too, Kiddo.”
I felt infinitely better after talking to my dad. It was amazing how he could do that for me. When I bottled things inside, they seemed to expand and fester into gigantic problems that were unconquerable. But talking about them with someone I respected and who’s opinion I valued, seemed to deflate every issue and make life seem…. beatable.
I went upstairs to change into yoga pants, a long sleeved t-shirt and tennis shoes- the outfit of every modern assassin. And then I called Jupiter.
He was ecstatic that he would meet Nate and Serena. And by ecstatic, I really meant he just said, “Yes.” But it was the fastest he had ever replied positively to me.
He called Serena and found out that they were taking care of a problem in Budapest. Jupiter and I met up immediately, and off we went. Anticipation bubbled through me like lava over rocks. Instinctively I knew I would run into Seth. I just knew he would be out there, wherever there was the most damage or destruction, or the biggest opportunity for a threat. That was part of his old personality; when he was fighting against all of that, somehow I knew this would also be a part of his new personality.
The worst part about knowing I would see him was that I couldn’t decide if I was dreading it or longing for it.
Flying was a little weird for me. Maybe if I had grown up anywhere but Earth, it would have seemed more natural. But honestly I felt very Superman meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer whenever I flew. It was obviously the fastest way to travel and the cold and wind didn’t bother me since I had the whole glowing thing going on. Plus, as an Angel I had this incredible inner GPS thing happening, and I could find any place on the planet whenever I needed to. That came in handy.
I could also find Seth if he wanted me to.
Which he didn’t.
