"Are you crazy?" she asked, out of breath.
I secured Bubbles to a rock outside Hurricane's House of Tattoos. "We'll just be a minute," I said, petting his nose as he squirmed nervously.
A one-eyed merman who stunk of fermented jellyfish leered at us from the alley. "Hey, girls!"
I grabbed Wave's trembling arm and swam past him. We'd heard of Madame Pearl from kids at school. Some said she was a sea witch, some said she was a charlatan, but she was my only hope.
MADAME PEARL'S POTION PALACE. The painted clay letters were weathered and cracked, but the store was smaller and less frightening than I had imagined. No snakes or eels, no shrunken skulls hanging in the windows. Just a small, dilapidated cave with seaweed curtains swaying with the undercurrent.
We opened the barnacle-encrusted front door and cautiously entered. A woman loomed over us whose crinkly face showed the signs of someone who'd been in the lower depths for decades. Her porcelain flesh was puffed out like a blowfish, and her chest spilled over her huge black sequined shirt.
She quickly sized us up with her skeptical gaze. "This isn't the place for two young mermaids," she said.
"I need your help."
She grabbed my small hand in her large one and closed the door behind us. She led us into a consultation room with a heavy round table and chairs dripping with black lace. "You have come to hear your destiny," she said when we were seated.
"Well, not exactly," I answered.
"You want to know if your current relationship is a lasting one?"
"I'm afraid not."
"You want me to tell you about your past lives?"
"No!"
"Well, tell me already! I'm not a psychic!" she blurted out.
"You're not?" Wave asked.
"I need a potion," I whispered.
"You can get potions anywhere these days. Kids sell that stuff in school bathrooms. They've plumb run me out of business," she said, rising. "You shouldn't risk your lives to come here for that. I can't be bothered with such things anymore!"
She floated through a thick seaweed curtain into another room.
"I don't know where else to go!" I called through the curtain.
There was no response. "Let's leave," Wave whispered, tugging at my arm.
"Only magic can help me!" I exclaimed, not moving.
I could hear the faint wailing of a beggar blowing bubbles through a cone shell outside. There was no response from Madame Pearl.
I opened the front door, resigned to leave, when suddenly the curtains opened and Madame Pearl peeked her head through. "Magic?" she inquired. "No one's asked me for magic for years! Everyone wants youth potions, aphrodisiacs, or cold relief. Sit down!"
She drew the curtains over the windows and returned to the table.
"Now, what kind of magic do you need? Longer hair? A spell cast upon an enemy?"
"I want to be an Earthee!"
Her jaw dropped. She got up from the table. "Out of the question!"
"But I'll be sent to the Atlantic!"
"That potion is of much greater danger than banishment to the Atlantic!"
"And why, may I ask, are you willing to risk your life for a few hours on land?"
"I have to get my great-grandfather's necklace back!"
"A necklace? Buy another!"
"You don't understand. It's priceless. And I know where it is. It won't take me an hour."
"But there are consequences. If you stay past the rising moon, you'll lose your mermaid form forever."
"I'll only be on land for a few minutes."
Madame Pearl fingered her crystal necklace. "I will need parental consent," she said, rising, and rummaging through a box of forms.
I opened my purse and spilled out my crystal sea horse collection, which slowly sank onto the table.
Madame Pearl stared at the crystal almost salivating, as if I had put a marinated lobster tail in front of her.
"These are yours?" she asked skeptically, forgetting the box of forms.
"It took me six years to collect all of them."
"Wait here a minute," she said, scooping the sea horses into the top layer of her black skirt. She quickly left the room. The seaweed curtain, slightly opened, revealed her working fervently on the other side. Wave and I peeked through.
When she looked up, Wave and I quickly floated back to our chairs.
Madame Pearl returned. The gook-filled bottle leaked the most horrible smell.
"You must drink the entire potion within three hours from now. Not a minute after, or it will lose its potency," she declared, handing it to me.
"Can't I just place it under my pillow?" I asked, holding the bottle at arm's length.
"I knew this was a mistake," she said, extending her hand to take the potion back.
"I'll do it!" I vowed, pulling the bottle close to my heart.
"You'll have until moonrise to return to the ocean. Not a second longer!" she warned.
"No one will even miss me," I said, getting up.
"Or I'll turn into a sea fairy and grow wings?" I teased.
"Or you'll turn into an Earthee - forever!"
"Forever?" Waverly asked, grabbing my arm.
"Forever," Madame Pearl repeated, with terror in her midnight eyes. "You will forget how to breathe underwater. You will plummet to the ocean floor and drown!"
"Drown?" I said, shocked. "Impossible."
"Drown!" Wave echoed. "I told you this wasn't a good idea."
"I'll only be an hour. Anyway, there's always a way to reverse spells," I said.
"There's a legend that one can be saved through a kiss of love from an Earthee, who would then change into a merperson. But that's only a legend," Madame Pearl said.
"I don't need to worry about drowning, about love, or the moonrise. I'll be home before the tide comes in."
"Remember the rules, child," she warned as we left. "This isn't breaking a curfew - this is changing your destiny!"
I placed the horrible-smelling mixture in my abalone purse, unleashed Bubbles, and Wave and I raced away as mermen howled from the depths.
When we reached the beach I was mortified. All my ads were gone. Didn't law enforcement have better things to do? How would I ever find her now?
"Cheer up! There's a lot of other girls here!" Chain said happily. "Look at those two over there," he said, pointing to a blonde and redhead lying on towels. He fearlessly walked over to them. "Hey, ladies," he said
The bleached-blonde girl didn't have time for Chainsaw's charm and placed her headphones back over her ears. But the redhead giggled, intrigued by this new pick-up line.
"And you were wondering whether it was me or my friend?" she asked, taking a swig of Evian.
"Exactly," Chain said. "You see, Spencer was a breath away from death and his vision was understandably blurry. The only way he can identify his life-saver is if she performs mouth-to-mouth again."
The girl laughed wildly. "Did you ever hear that one before?" she said to her friend. "I told you Californians were wild!"
The redhead looked me over as if I were a giant ice cream cone, contemplating if I were worth the calories.
"Let's go," I said, nudging Chainsaw.
"Well, what's the reward?" she suddenly asked. "I mean if I'm the one - "
"This necklace," Chainsaw added, pointing to the heart dangling from my neck.
"Are you crazy?" I whispered, glaring.
"That's an antique, isn't it?" she said, eyeing the
"What are you doing?" her friend asked, taking off her headphones and sitting up.
"We came to California to have fun, didn't we?" the redhead asked, adjusting her blue bikini bottom. "Stuff like this never happens in Wisconsin!"
She stood face to face with me. I wasn't sure if she was going to kiss me or laugh at me. Her red lipstick was faded from the sun and her sweet chubby cheeks were shiny from sunscreen. Three days ago I would have jumped at the chance to kiss an attractive older girl. I would have even kissed Arnold Schwarzenegger in a blue bikini. But that life-saving kiss had changed me. The flirty tourist smiled, giggled, and stared into my eyes, ignoring her friend, who was shaking her head.
What was happening? Girls never fall for this stuff!
"Okay, pretend you're drowning," she giggled, leaning in.
And I did something I never in my testosterone-driven years thought I'd do. I extended my arm to her shoulders, blocking her from kissing me.
"Are you crazy?" Chainsaw screamed.
"I'm sorry, you're not her," I apologized, and walked away.
Chain stepped in. "You can save me!" he pleaded, leaning in to her.
"Are you out of your mind?" Chain panted, catching up to me.
"You don't get it. This isn't about scoring!" I said, turning around. "Promise me you'll really help me find her!"
"Okay, okay. If you promise me one thing."
"Yes?"
"Next time I get to be the one who was rescued!"
I leaned against the railing on the pier, frustrated and exhausted, staring at the waves crashing against the rocks.
"Dude, like if she's that beautiful," Chainsaw said, "she's gotta have a major boyfriend. Probably three of them."
"Thanks for the support."
"I'm trying to protect you."
"Protect me from what?"
"Maybe there's a reason you haven't seen this dream girl. She could be married. She could have escaped from prison."
"You just can't believe a beautiful girl would like me!"
"Of course I believe it, man! You're a surfer stud! That buff babe was ready to smack your lips and sheRomeo and Juliet because you want to. The you that'll hang out with scum like me!"
I couldn't help but smile. Chainsaw seemed to be out for himself, but in the end he was always there for me. "I just want this dream girl to be major league. I don't want to lose you to a flaky heartbreaker," he said.
