I moved behind him, preparing to apply the medication. “This might hurt.”
He nodded. When it made contact with his skin, he grunted once and then reverted to silence. I tried to be quick and thorough, ready to make him as comfortable as possible.
I started putting ointment on his wounds, and it was clear that whatever I was using helped. The tension in his shoulders eased as I worked, and I was glad; it felt in a way like I was making up for some of the trouble I’d caused.
He snorted out a light laugh. “I knew my secret would come out eventually. I’ve been trying to come up with a good story for years. I was hoping to find something believable before the wedding since I knew my wife would see them, but I’m still stumped. Any ideas?”
I thought a moment. “The truth works.”
He nodded. “Not my favorite option. Not for this anyway.”
“I think I’m done.”
Maxon twisted and bent a little bit, moving gingerly. He turned to look at me, his expression thankful. “That’s great, America. Better than any job I ever did.”
“Anytime.”
He looked at me a moment, and the silence grew. What was there to say now?
My eyes kept darting to his chest, and I needed to stop that.
“I’m going to wash your shirt.” I buried myself in the corner, rubbing his shirt against itself, watching the water turn rust colored before it escaped down the drain. I knew all the blood wouldn’t come out, but at least it gave me something to do.
When I finished, I wrung it out and placed it back on a hook. I turned around, and Maxon was staring at me.
“Why don’t you ever ask questions I actually want to answer?”
I didn’t think I could sit next to him on the bench without being tempted to touch him. Instead I settled on the floor across from him.
“I didn’t know I did that.”
“You do.”
“Well, what am I not asking that you want me to?”
He let out a long breath and gently leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Don’t you want me to explain Kriss and Celeste? Don’t you think you deserve that?”
CHAPTER 29
I CROSSED MY ARMS. “I’VE heard Kriss’s version of what happened, and I don’t think she’s exaggerating anything. As for Celeste, I’d rather never talk about her ever again.”
He laughed. “So stubborn. I’ll miss that.”
I was quiet for a minute. “So it’s done then? I’m out?”
Maxon thought it over. “I’m not sure I could stop it now. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
I shook my head. “I was mad,” I whispered. “I was so mad.”
I looked away, not wanting to cry. Apparently Maxon decided that I needed to listen to what he had to say, whether I wanted to or not. Finally he had me trapped, and I would hear everything he’d been waiting to tell me.
“I thought you were mine,” he said. I peeked over and found him staring at the ceiling. “If I could have proposed to you at the Halloween party, I would have. I’m supposed to do something official with my parents and guests and cameras, but I got special permission to ask you privately when we were ready and have a reception afterward. I never told you about that, did I?”
Maxon looked over to me, and I gave a small shake of my head. He smiled bitterly, remembering.
“I had this speech prepared, all these promises I wanted to make. I probably would have forgotten it and made an idiot of myself. Though … I can remember it now.” He sighed. “I’ll spare you.”
He paused briefly. “When you pushed me away, I panicked. I had thought that I was done with this insane contest, and I found myself feeling like it was the very first day of the Selection all over again, only this time my options were far more limited. And just the week before, I’d spent time with all those girls trying to find someone who outshone you, who I thought I could want more, and failed. I felt hopeless.
“And then Kriss came to me, so very humble, only wanting to see me happy, and I wondered how I’d missed that in her. I knew she was nice, and she’s very attractive; but there was something more to her this whole time.
“I think I simply wasn’t really looking. What reason did I have when there was you?”
I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hide from the ache. There was no me anymore. I’d ruined all that.
“Do you love her?” I asked meekly. I didn’t want to see his face, but the long pause let me know that there was something deep between the two of them.
“It’s different than what you and I had. It’s quieter, maybe friendlier. But it’s steady. I can depend on Kriss, and I know without question that she is devoted to me. As you can see, there is very little certainty in my world. She’s refreshing in that way.”
I nodded, still avoiding eye contact. All I could think about was how he spoke of him and me in the past tense and had nothing but praise for Kriss. I wished I had something bad to say about her, something that would bring her down a notch; but I didn’t. Kriss was a lady. From the beginning she’d done everything well, and I was surprised that he had ever favored me over her anyway. She was perfect for him.
“Then why Celeste?” I asked, finally facing him. “If Kriss is so wonderful …”
Maxon nodded his head, seeming embarrassed about this subject. It was his idea to talk about this in the first place, though, so he must already have had something in mind to say. He stood, giving his back another tentative stretch, and started pacing the small space.
“As you now know, my life is full of stresses that I prefer not to share. I live in a constant state of tension. I’m always being watched, judged. My parents, our advisers … there are always cameras in my life, and now you’re all here,” he said, motioning to me. “I’m sure you’ve felt trapped at least once because of your caste, but imagine how I feel. There are things I’ve seen, America, and things I know; and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to change them.
“You’re aware, I’m sure, that technically my father is supposed to retire in my twenties, when he feels I’m ready to lead; but do you think he’ll ever stop pulling the strings? That’s not going to happen so long as he lives; and I know he’s terrible, but I don’t want him to die …. He is my father.”
I nodded.
“Speaking of which, he’s had his hand in the Selection from very early on. If you look at who’s left, it’s pretty clear.” He started ticking off the girls on his fingers. “Natalie is extremely pliable, and that makes her my father’s favorite, as I am too willful in his opinion. The fact that he’s so fond of her makes me have to fight the urge to hate her.
