. . . and lay fingering the stone ring on its thong, staring at the thick beams above the bed and listening to the thousand creaks of the ship rushing downriver through the darkness.
“Was she there?” Elayne demanded. “You were not gone very long, but —”
“I am tired of being afraid,” Nynaeve said without taking her gaze from the beams. “I am sso tired of being a ccoward.” The last words dissolved into tears she could neither stop nor hide, no matter how she scrubbed at her eyes.
Elayne was there in an instant, holding her and smoothing her hair, and an instant later, Birgitte pressed a cloth dampened in cool water against the back of her neck. She cried herself out to the sound of them telling her she was not a coward.
“If I thought Moghedien was hunting me,” Birgitte said finally, “I would run. If there was no other place to hide than a badger's hole, I would wriggle in and curl into a ball and sweat until she was gone. I would not stand in front of one of Cerandin's s'redit if it charged, either; and neither is cowardice. You must choose your own time and your own ground, and come at her in the way she least expects. I will take my revenge on her if ever I can, but that is the only way I will. Anything else would be foolish.”
That was hardly what Nynaeve wanted to hear, but her tears and their comfort made another gap in the thorny hedges that had grown up between them.
“I will prove to you that you are no coward.” Taking the dark wooden box from the shelf where she had put it, Elayne removed the spiralscribed iron disc. “We will go back together.”
That, Nynaeve wanted to hear even less. But there was no way to avoid it, not after they had told her she was not a coward. So back they went.
To the Stone of Tear, where they stared at Callandor — better than looking over your shoulder and wondering whether Moghedien was going to appear — then to the Royal Palace in Caemlyn with Elayne leading, and Emond's Field under Nynaeve's guidance. Nynaeve had seen palaces before, with their huge halls and great painted ceilings and marble floors, their gilding and fine carpets and elaborate hangings, but this was where Elayne had grown up. Seeing it, and knowing that, made her understand a little of Elayne. Of course the woman expected the world to bend itself to her; she had grown up being taught that it would, in a place where it did.
Elayne, a pale image of herself because of the ter'angreal she was using, was strangely quiet while they were there. But then, Nynaeve was quiet in Emond's Field. For one thing, the village was larger than she remembered, with more thatchroofed houses and others wooden frameworks going up. Someone was building a very big house just outside the village, three sprawling stories, and a stone plinth five paces high had been erected on the Green, carved all over with names. A good many she recognized; they were mostly Two Rivers names. A flagpole stood to either side of the plinth, one topped by a banner with a red wolf's head, the other one with a red eagle. Everything looked prosperous and happy — as much as she could say, with no people there — but it made no sense. What on earth were those banners? And who would be building such a house?
They flashed to the White Tower, to Elaida's study. Nothing had changed there, except that only half a dozen stools remained in the semicircle in front of Elaida's table. And the triptych of Bonwhin was gone. The painting of Rand remained, with a poorly mended tear in the canvas across Rand's face, as if someone had thrown something at it.
They rifled the papers in the lacquered box with its golden hawks, and those on the Keeper's table in the anteroom. Documents and letters changed while they looked at them, yet they did learn a little. Elaida knew that Rand had crossed the Dragonwall into Cairhien, but of what she intended to do about it, there was no clue. An angry demand that all Aes Sedai return to the Tower immediately unless they had specific orders otherwise from her. Elaida seemed to be angry about a good deal, that so few sisters had returned after her offer of amnesty, that most of the eyesandears in Tarabon were still silent, that Pedron Niall was still calling Whitecloaks back to Amadicia when she did not know why, that Davram Bashere still could not be found despite having an army with him. Fury filled every document over her seal. None of it seemed of real use or interest, except maybe about the Whitecloaks. Not that they should have any difficulty there as long as they were on Riverserpent.
When they returned to their bodies on the ship, Elayne was silent as she rose from the chair and replaced the disc in the box. Without thinking, Nynaeve got up to help her out of her dress. Birgitte scrambled up the ladder as they climbed into the bed together in their shifts; she intended to sleep right at the top of the ladder, she said.
Elayne channeled to extinguish the lamp. After a time lying in the dark, she said, “The palace seemed so... empty, Nynaeve. It felt so empty.”
Nynaeve did not know what else a place was supposed to be in Tel'aran'rhiod. “It was the ter'angreal you used. You looked almost foggy to me.”
“Well, I looked just fine to me.” There was only a touch of asperity in Elayne's voice, though, and they settled down to sleep.
Nynaeve had remembered the other woman's elbows accurately, but they could not diminish her good mood, and neither could Elayne's complaining murmur that she had cold feet. She had done it. Perhaps forgetting to be afraid was not the same as not being afraid, but at least she had gone back to the World of Dreams. Perhaps one day she could find the nerve again not to be afraid.
Having begun, it was easier to go on than to stop. Every night after that they entered Tel'aran'rhiod together, always with a visit to the Tower to see what they could learn. There was not very much, besides an order sending an emissary to Salidar to invite the Aes Sedai there to return to the Tower. Except, the invitation — as much as Nynaeve could read before it changed to a report on screening potential novices for proper attitudes, whatever that was supposed to mean — was more a demand that those Aes Sedai submit to Elaida immediately and be thankful they were allowed to. Still, it was confirmation that they were not chasing a wild hare. The trouble with the rest of what they saw in fragments was they did not know enough to fit them together. Who was this Davram Bashere, and why was Elaida so frantic to find him? Why had Elaida forbidden anyone to mention the name of Mazrim Taim, the false Dragon, with a threat of stiff penalties? Why had Queen Tenobia of Saldaea and King Easar of Shienar both written letters politely but stiffly resenting White Tower meddling in their affairs? It all made Elayne murmur one of Lini's sayings: “To know two, you must first know one.” Nynaeve could only agree th
