I stopped in the middle of my room and turned in a circle, looking for my phone. “Just give me some time, okay. I… I promise I’ll come out in just a bit.”
It took him a second to respond. “Okay, but I’m just going to be out in the living room.”
I waited until I heard him leave and then dialed Anna’s number. As soon as I heard her pick up, I sputtered out, “Micha wants me to move to San Diego with him.”
“Now calm down, Ella,” she said. “You knew this may have been coming—you’ve been talking to me about it since you came back from Christmas break.”
“I know.” I sunk down onto my bed. “But now it’s real. And real is scary sometimes.”
“I know,” she replied. “But you can’t run away from it.”
“I’m not,” I said. “I just don’t know what do.”
“You could make a list,” she suggested. “Of the pros and cons and how you feel.”
I glanced at a notebook and pen on top of my dresser in the corner. “That’s your advice?”
“That’s my advice,” she said, and someone talked in the background. “I have to go, but make a list like I said and then call me later and we’ll talk.”
“Fine.” I sighed, hung up, and did what she told me to do. In the end, the list told me what I had known all along, but I was just too afraid to admit it aloud without some encouragement.
I applied for some jobs online in San Diego and we made a trip out there a couple weeks ago for job interviews. We picked out a one-bedroom apartment in a decent area. It’s scary as hell, but with Micha by my side, I know I can handle it.
“You ready?” Micha asks as he approaches me with his hand extended.
My anxiety bubbles as I slip my hand into his. It’s the first time we’ll be living together and I’m interested how our story will go.
Lila gives me another hug while Ethan and Micha give each other a guy pat on the back and pound fists. Micha and I get into the car and he turns the engine on as I balance a photo on the dashboard.
Caroline had sent the picture to me not long after Christmas. Micha and I had been standing beside each other out on the front porch and his head was turned toward me instead of at the camera. He had whispered a perverted comment into my ear and I had laughed right as Caroline snapped the shot. It was the perfect picture, because even though we weren’t looking at the camera we were genuinely happy and we were making each other feel that way.
The backseat is full with bags and boxes, so Micha uses the side mirror to back out. I give a quick wave to Lila, who’s sobbing and Ethan comes up and puts an arm around her.
Once we reach the exit, my phone rings and I answer it. “I’m going to be fine. I promise.”
“I know you are,” Anna says. “But I wanted to make sure that you called that therapist number I gave you.”
“Yes, and I have an appointment in a few weeks with her,” I say, buckling my seatbelt. “And I’ll make sure to go, just like I told you I would yesterday.”
“Good.” She pauses. “And if you ever need anything, and I mean anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”
“I will,” I promise. “And Anna, thank you for what you said the other day—about me being a different girl than the one who first came in. I know I’ve changed, but it’s nice to hear.”
“I only said the truth, Ella. You have changed and I think you’ll do fine in life. You just need to remember that asking for help isn’t a bad thing, so make sure to do it, because there will be times when you need it.”
I smile at Micha, who’s observing me with curiosity. “I will.”
“Good,” she says. “Remember to have fun and don’t worry so much.”
“I will.” I hang up and Micha threads his fingers through mine.
“Who was that?” Micha asks, halting at a red light.
“Anna.”
“What’d she have to say?”
I glance up at the sunlight sparkling in the sky. “That she thinks I’m going to be okay.”
A few hours later, we pull over into a rest stop for a quick bathroom break and to get some snacks out of the trunk. We park along the turnout on a rocky cliff that overlooks a lake. Just a ways to the side, people are cliff-diving into the water. It’s not very high and they look like they’re having fun. While I’m waiting on Micha, I inch over to the edge and peer down at the water rippling in the sunlight, remembering the bridge and how badly I wanted to jump that night.
“What are you doing?” Micha’s worried voice abruptly rises over my shoulder and his hands grip my waist.
I stare at a woman as she summons up the courage to jump off the ledge. With her eyes shut and arms flying, she soars downward, free as can be. Seconds later she splashes into the water.
“I think we should jump.” When I meet Micha’s eyes, he doesn’t look happy.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” He tugs me by the hand away from the cliff. “We need to hit the road.”
I squirm from his hold, slip off my shoes, and put my hair up with an elastic band from around my wrist. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
“I’m not going to do it.” He stuffs his hands into his pockets and shakes his head. “Not with this.”
I cross my arms. “Why not?”
“Because…” He shrugs, kicking the tip of his boot at the dirt. “The idea of you jumping freaks the shit out of me.”
I take his hand and move closer to the cliff. “It’s not about that. It’s about letting go. I want to do this.”
He wavers, glancing out at the shimmering lake. “Fine, you win. I’ll do it, but only because I love you and have the hardest time saying no to you when you look at me like that.” He shucks off his T-shirt, revealing his lean muscles and the tattoo on his rib cage. His unlaces his boots before slipping them off and then takes his wallet and change out of his pockets. “But you’re holding my hand the entire time.”
I grin, excited. “Okay, it’s a deal.”
We walk to the edge, hand in hand. The cliff is straight down with only a few jagged ledges, a doable fall, unlike the bridge back home.
He dithers, sucking his lip ring into his mouth, and then a smile creeps up on his face. “Whenever you’re ready, pretty girl.”
I take a deep breath, shut my eyes, and whisper, “I’m ready.”
He counts under his breath. “One… two… three.”
We dive off the cliff, holding hands. The fall is brief, yet it feels like it lasts forever before we hit the water together. With his help, I break back through the surface of the water in an instant.
Panting loudly, I glance back up at the cliff, which doesn’t seem as high. My clothes cling to my body and my chest feels weightless. “That was fun.”
He laughs as he wipes droplets of water off his skin, his lips, his long eyelashes. His blond hair is slicked back as he runs his hand over his head. “I’m glad. Now can we swim back to shore and hit the road? I want to get there before dark.”
I look into his liquid-blue eyes. “What’s the rush? We could stay out here all day, floating around in the water, just you and me.”
He pulls me close to him and paddles us backward toward the sandy shore nestled near the bottom of the cliff. “That’s what you want to do? Float in a lake all day?”
“No, I just want to see if you’ll do it for me.” I hook my arms around his neck and fidget with the ring until it slips off my finger and into my palm, still deciding.
“You know, if you ask me to anything, I’ll do it.” He kisses me and I suck the water off his lips. “Because I’m a sucker for those sad-puppy eyes you give me every time you want something.”
I move my hands away from his neck, fastening my legs around his waist to hold myself up. I still hesitate, but then finally I let all my reservations go. “And now I want to give you something.”
He cocks an eyebrow, confused until I lower the ring onto my other finger. It feels right, like it’s belonged there forever. At first his expression is stoic and I worry he’s changed his mind about marrying me.
“I can take it off,” I say quickly. “If you don’t want me to put it on there yet.”
“Take it off?” He gapes at me like I’m crazy and brings me closer, so every inch of our wet bodies touch while he keeps us afloat by kicking his legs. “Why the hell would I ever want you do that? I never want you to take it off. Ever.”
“But you look like you’re upset or something.”
“I’m shocked. I thought it was going to be years and years and years before you ever put that thing on your other finger.”
A smile emerges at my lips. “You want me to keep it on?”
“Of course I want you to keep it on.” Happiness fills his eyes, as blinding as the sunlight behind him. “And you’re never allowed to take it off.”
I nod and he crashes his lips into mine, kissing me with everything he has and I return his passion equally as we kiss our first kiss of our forever.
