As it happened, I got permission to leave the institute that Friday. The empress's permission, no less. The grand duchess Elizabeth was entertaining her Hessian family members for the season and wished to organize a skating party for her sister Princess Alix. Maman said I'd been invited because the grand duchess had noticed me at the Blessing of the Water.
Elena was most vexed. "The tsarevitch will be there!" she wailed.
"Promise that you will speak of me to him. Say something like 'The princess Elena is the most graceful skater I have ever seen. She looks like a swan gliding across the ice.' "
I rolled my eyes. "I will do no such thing," I said as I dressed in my warmest Smolny outfit, a white woolen dress with red braiding. I wore my thickest wool stockings, the ones that scratched my legs like mad. I wished the grand duchess had not spoken with me at the Theophany ceremony.
Dariya, I thought mournfully, would have truly enjoyed an outing like this. At least Madame Orbel ani said they'd received a note saying my cousin was doing better. She'd been able to sit up and take a little broth the previous day. I hoped she would be able to return to Smolny soon.
Anya twisted my hair into a low chignon, so as to keep it out of my face while I skated. "Best not anger her, Your Highness," she whispered, referring to Elena. "You don't want to be her next victim." We were both certain of Elena's guilt, but what could I do? I had no proof. I could not go to the headmistress and accuse a king's daughter of attempted murder. Anya was right. Elena could well decide to poison me next. And the Montenegrins could cause far more harm to my family than I could to any of them. I needed to speak with Princess Cantacuzene again.
Perhaps she was not so mad after all.
The grand duchess and her sister were in the sleigh waiting for me. The footman held my hand and helped me in. "Your Imperial Highness, Your Highness," I said, trying to curtsy before I sat down.
"Alix, this is Katerina Alexandrovna of Oldenburg. Katerina, my sister, Princess Alix of Hesse."
Alix looked just like her older sister, with hair slightly lighter than the grand duchess's. But her eyes were a clear gray-blue, whereas the grand duchess had one clear blue eye and one with a large brown spot.
Princess Alix smiled shyly and took my hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you," she said. "Please forgive my English. My French is not so good."
"Not at all, Your Highness. How do you like Russia?" She smiled again. "It is very beautiful. Do you like to skate?" She twisted the pearl ring on her finger, then switched to fiddling with the kid gloves in her lap. She looked painfully shy.
I nodded. "I love to skate, but unfortunately I am extremely uncoordinated.
You will be able to laugh at me, for I shal fall many times." A look of something like relief passed across the princess's face and then was gone. Suddenly, I realized why I'd been invited on this outing. The grand duchess had noticed my clumsiness at the Blessing of the Waters. I was here to make Princess Alix look graceful.
"The rest of our group is already at the gardens," Grand Duchess Elizabeth said. She reached over and patted her sister's hand comfortingly.
They had closed the gardens to the general public for the afternoon, with four large Cossacks standing guard at the front gate. The grand duchess Xenia Alexandrovna stood with her chaperone and her two older brothers
-the tsarevitch, Nicholas Alexandrovich, and the grand duke George Alexandrovich. Him again. I would no doubt have to listen the entire time to his accusations that I was filled with dark magic.
The grand duke did not look happy to see me either. After a short, civil greeting, he stayed as far away from me as possible.
A string quartet, bundled in their furs, sat at the pavilion and played music from Swan Lake while we skated across the frozen pond in the center of the park. When I finished buckling on my skates, I took a deep breath, inhaling the chilly air deep into my chest, and wobbled steadily onto the ice.
I skated better that afternoon than I usually did, but I was still able to make Princess Alix look like an angel of grace-until Xenia Alexandrovna decided to show off her fae bloodline. She made both me and the German princess look as clumsy as bears on skates.
Xenia's eyes twinkled from their normal brown to a startling icy silver as she tossed her fur muff onto the bench. She took off across the ice, her slender arms stretched out as if she could take to the air at any minute.
"Nicky!" she called out. "Race me!"
Princess Alix had not noticed the eerie change in Xenia's eyes, which was most fortunate. The change in the tsarevitch's eyes from a steely blue to silver was much more subtle. And she missed that as well, because she and Grand Duchess Elizabeth were talking to George Alexandrovich, who was still not wearing any skates.
With his brother and sister racing around the frozen pond at almost inhuman speeds, he was telling Alix and Elizabeth that one of his skates had a broken buckle and that he was more than happy just to stand and watch the rest of us. He glanced directly at me as he said this.
I turned away from him, preferring to watch the tsarevitch and Xenia. The ice sparkled as they roared past me. I smiled and waved to them.
On her next pass, Xenia let go of Nicholas and grabbed my arms. "Your turn to race me!" she cried. Once again, her eyes were their normal chocolaty brown. Had I imagined the silver earlier? She tore off with me at speeds I dared not contemplate under my own power. I wobbled and wavered but stayed upright.
I survived. I didn't even fall. But nobody on the ice that day would have given me compliments on my style.
Thank goodness Elena had not been invited. I shuddered to think what kind of mischief she would have caused. Especially if she had seen the way Nicholas Alexandrovich looked at Princess Alix.
The tsarevitch did not leave the princess's side for the rest of the afternoon. The grand duchess Elizabeth watched over them approvingly.
George Alexandrovich watched them as well, with obvious dismay. He took a break every now and then only to scowl at me.
Xenia and I had fun racing back and forth from one end of the pond to the other. Our cheeks were red and chapped before long, our breathing heavy from the vigorous exercise and from laughing so hard. My ears were so cold they hurt. Xenia, of course, beat me every time, even without her fey gift. I was not destined to be an artist on ice, ever.
We stopped after what seemed like hours and sat down at the pavilion in front of the samovar the servants had brought with us. Instead of tea, we had steaming cups of hot cocoa with freshly baked pastries.
"Will you be coming to the ball at Anichkov Palace next week?" Xenia asked me.
"Yes, Your Imperial Highness," I said. I took a sip of cocoa. "I will be attending with my parents."
"Wonderful!" Then she pouted. "Maman says I will be able to attend for a little while but will not be allowed to dance." Xenia still had a few years before she would be old enough to be out in society.
"But you will have a wonderful time nonetheless," Elizabeth said. "You will get to wear your beautiful dress and hear the music. And you will see Alix in her lovely Worth gown." Elizabeth looked at the tsarevitch over her cup of cocoa. "Alix looks lovely in lavender, don't you think, Nicholas?"
"Oh, yes," Nicholas said dreamily.
Alix blushed and smiled shyly.
"Have you ever written a love poem?" Xenia asked me in a whisper.
I smiled and shook my head. "No. I've never met a boy that inspired any poetry," I whispered back. "Have you?"
She nodded, her eyes twinkling. "Many times! I adore poems!" She sipped her cocoa and looked at her brother thoughtfully. "Do you think Alix might write a poem for Nicky? They seem to like each other a lot, but Nicky is twenty. She is closer to George's age."
I almost choked on my pastry. A poem to the tsarevitch, I could understand. A poem to his surly brother, I could not. Everyone looked up at me. I could feel my face flushing. Why was I so socially awkward?
Grand Duchess Ell a hurried to refil my cup. "Here, drink this, dear." I stopped coughing long enough to swallow the cocoa.
"Thank you."
Xenia had turned to ask her aunt if she had a favorite poet. They were discussing French and English Romantics. I looked at Alix and Nicholas, still in their own little world across the table from us. Grand Duke George Alexandrovich would never do for her. I glanced over to see him staring thoughtfully at his brother as well. I could see the concern in his eyes. Xenia still believed in love. George was old enough to understand that tsarevitchs were not allowed to marry for love. And neither were most grand dukes.
The string quartet began to play again, and Alix and Nicholas stood up to return to the ice.
One of the imperial guards approached George Alexandrovich and bowed. "Your skate has been repaired, Your Imperial Highness." Grand Duchess Elizabeth smiled. "excellent! Now you can skate a turn with Katerina Alexandrovna!"
It pained him, I could tell, but he put on his skates and bowed to her, then offered his arm to me. "It would be an honor, Your Highness," he said.
I stood up and curtsied and took his arm, much to Xenia's merriment. I heard her giggling as we glided out across the ice. The grand duchess skated with Xenia so she would not feel left out.
The grand duke was silent as we completed our first circuit, his arm stiffly linked with mine. Ahead of us, Alix and Nicholas were smiling and chatting gaily in English.
We managed to make our spins around the pond with no body contact other than our linked arms-something I was grateful for, but also a little sad about at the same time. "How kind of the grand duchess Elizabeth for organizing a pleasant afternoon for us," I said finally, to break the silence.
"Are you truly enjoying yourself? Is this your idea of a pleasant afternoon?"
I immediately thought of a thousand better ways to spend my afternoon.
Cleaning up after my brother's horse came to mind. Instead, I said, "It is a beautiful day. I greatly admire the grand duchess and your sister is very kind. I never met Princess Alix before, but she seems kind as well."
"You don't find her enigmatic?"
"What do you mean?"
"In some ways, she is much like you. Her aura is also tainted with dark secrets."
"Do you think my aura is really so dark?" I gave a little laugh, even though there was nothing amusing about his words. "And have you discovered what it is that I conceal?"
"I will discover your secret one day, Duchess."
Something in me snapped. I pulled my arm away from his and skidded to a stop. "May I enlighten you, Your Imperial Highness?" I hissed, hoping no one could overhear us. "The princess Alix and I are witches from hell.
We have come to collect the souls of both you and your brother to give to the devil himself." The sad thing was that it didn't sound quite as ridiculous as I had intended.
I stared at him, horrified that I could have said something so stupid to the tsar's son. Why did I always seem to lose all sense of reason when I was around him?
Fortunately, he looked amused. "You are such an odd girl," he said, taking my arm again and coaxing me to skate forward. I relaxed a little, knowing he was not taking my inappropriate jest seriously. "Be careful, though, Duchess." His voice was hushed, but icy in my ear. "They still burn witches in Russia."
I couldn't keep myself from shuddering, though whether it was from his threat or just from the closeness of him I couldn't be sure.
I tried to steer our conversation away from witches. "Anyway, I do not believe the Hessian princess conceals anything, except her own shyness," I said. "Her infatuation for your brother shines on her face." I saw nothing unusual in her cold light. It was the same intensity as the tsarevitch's.
"Perhaps," George said as we made one last turn around the pond. Alix and Nicholas had already returned to the pavilion, and they waved to us.
"But I see a soul in despair when I look at the princess."
"She lost her mother when she was eight, did she not? As well as her younger siblings? Surely that would cause a lasting despair."
"Perhaps."
"Your sister likes her," I pointed out as Xenia and her aunt skated toward us.
George frowned. "Xenia is a hopeless romantic." His sister's eyes flashed again as she broke free from Elizabeth and sped past us in a silver blur. "And extremely irresponsible," he added with a sigh.
The grand duke led me gracefully back to the pavilion, one of his hands barely touching the small of my back. "That was most enjoyable, Your Highness," he said, lying beautifully.
"My pleasure," I answered with a quick curtsy. I could sense his relief that our skating had come to an end. His rigid posture seemed to relax as he sat down close to his brother and the German princess.
I felt the same relief as I sat near his sister. Xenia was pouting at the table, holding a cup of cocoa.
"I wish I could have skated longer, but Aunt Ell a thought I was getting too cold. You two looked lovely together. Did you see Nicky and Alix?"
"They skate together beautifully," I said wistfully. They did make a handsome couple. I envied the German princess just a little, because she belonged here so much more than I did. I would never be accepted by the Light Court. Not with the darkness inside me.
The servants were gathering up our things as we took off our skates.
Grand Duchess Elizabeth was already in her fashionable footwear and was speaking with Alix by the park gate, where Elizabeth's imperial carriage waited beside the impressive black imperial carriage, with its golden crest of a double-headed eagle on the door.
"Thank you so much for coming!" Xenia said to me. "We shal see you next week!"
I made one last quick curtsy to her and her brothers before following Elizabeth and Alix into Elizabeth's carriage.
Alix seemed to relax on our drive back to Smolny. Her smile came a little easier when I asked if she'd had a pleasant time. "I love being outdoors, especially in the winter," she said.
"Will I see you at the Anichkov ball next week?"
"Of course, my dear," the grand duchess said, though I could have sworn I saw Princess Alix frown.
And then it was gone and she smiled again. "I am looking forward to it. I have only attended a few balls in Darmstadt."
"Au revoir, Your Imperial Highness," I said to the grand duchess, as I got out of the carriage at the Smolny gate. "Auf Wiedersehen, Your Highness," I said with a final wave to Princess Alix.
Elena pounced on me as soon as I returned to our room. "Did the tsarevitch ask after me? What did you tell him? What did he wear? Did he skate with you?"
I ignored her until I could hear from Augusta that there had been no further word from the hospital on Dariya's condition. Augusta pointed out that that was a good sign. We'd have heard instantly if Dariya had taken a turn for the worse.
She was right. Reassured, I patiently told my friends everything about the outing and everything I knew about Princess Alix of Hesse. Except for the grand duke's suspicions. The girls immediately seized on my description of how well Alix and the tsarevitch had gotten on together. Elena's dance with him at the Smolny ball was long forgotten.
Elena was not happy. She threw her hairbrush across the room, and it hit the wall with a loud thud. "No!" she cried. "He belongs to me!" She flung herself down on her bed and sobbed.
I looked at Elena, then at the other girls, who quickly left our room. I hoped Elena would not make a scene at the Anichkov Ball. Or cast another spell on the tsarevitch.
