I was sitting in a pew in a dark corner of the chapel, crying softly. I did not know if I was crying for Count Chermenensky or just because I was exhausted.
"Katerina Alexandrovna, let me take you home." George Alexandrovich stood over me and held out his hand.
I wiped my face and let him help me stand. "Forgive me, Your Imperial Highness," I said. "Let me collect myself."
In the carriage he asked me, "Were you in love with him?"
"Who, the crown prince? Of course not!"
He frowned. "Count Chermenensky. Before, I mean." I shook my head. "I hardly knew him. But I felt responsible for him. I never meant to bring him back, I swear to you." I started sobbing again.
"You have been very brave today, Katiya." His voice was tired as he used my family pet name. He slid his arm around me protectively, pulling me closer to him. It made my heart pound.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the grand duke's shoulder. He smelled like dirt and sweat and tobacco. There was no other place in the world I would rather have been.
When the carriage stopped, he turned to me with those fathomless blue eyes. He wiped the tears off my face with his hand. There was something unreadable in his expression. It vibrated down deep inside me. My palm went to his cheek.
"Katiya," he said, his voice hoarse and battle-weary. He grabbed my hand and pressed it to his lips. "I can give you the sun, my duchess. Marry me."
I was dumbstruck. I had not expected this. It had been a long, bloody day, and now this. I couldn't help crying harder.
It was not the reaction the grand duke had been expecting. He frowned.
"Katiya?"
I shook my head, my tears falling too fast for him to catch now. "You promise the sun when you know I belong with the Dark Court. Your parents would never allow such a marriage."
"My father owes you his life. He needs you."
"Not as his daughter-in-law." No matter how dark his path, I could not live with myself if I tainted the grand duke's soul with my own shadows.
He sighed with frustration. "This is about you becoming a doctor, isn't it?
I swear to you I will hire the smartest physicians across Europe to tutor you privately."
I smiled despite my tears. He seemed so eager to make me happy.
"Georgi, you are deluding yourself. Your parents will never agree to this."
"Then we'll leave Russia. We'll live wherever you wish."
"And what of your obligations? You are to become the Koldun."
"It doesn't matter." He pulled me into his arms and whispered into my hair, "I cannot live without you, Katiya."
I closed my eyes, leaning my head against his chest. "And I cannot come between you and your family."
George sighed. "I'm not giving up, Katiya. Don't give up on me." I pulled away to look up at him. "Georgi-"
Before I could say another word, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. I had been kissed only once before, and it had been nothing like this. His lips fit mine perfectly. We belonged together. Something inside me uncoiled, filling my body with a strangely wonderful sensation. I placed my hands on his chest and felt his heart beating wildly. My heart was beating just as fast.
Growing dizzy, I kissed him back. The uncoiling continued, the sensation getting stronger and stronger.
George groaned against my lips and started to pull away.
It was my dark magic. My cold light had been set loose and was wrapping around the grand duke. His face drained of its color and warmth.
I was killing him.
With a cry, I tore out of his arms and tried to get out of the carriage.
"Katiya! Wait!"
I couldn't look at him. Sobbing, I climbed out and ran down the lane.
I didn't know where I was headed, but I ended up by one of the fountains in the Upper Gardens.
"Katiya!" George caught up with me, his breathing ragged. "Katiya, look at me."
"Don't you see? I almost killed you! I couldn't bear it if I hurt you." He took me in his arms once more and I sobbed on his shoulder. "Won't you have a little faith in me?" He took my chin and lifted my face so I could see the silver light in his eyes. "I am to be the Koldun," he said with a confident smile. "I think I will be safe with you."
"You're not taking me seriously."
His smile faded. "Give me a year. Give me a year to prove to you that we belong together. That your darkness won't blot out my light. Promise me." I could already feel the cold light rising inside me again. I couldn't take any chances. I couldn't trust myself not to hurt him. I kissed the tsar's son on the cheek and whispered, "Je promets."
I turned around and walked all the way to my family's vill a without looking back.
