“What are you doing?” she asks, staring me down with her arms crossed.
I wave my hands at her, motioning her to scoot over. “Showing you a good time,” I say. She rolls her tongue in her mouth and scans me over, looking like she wants to rip off my clothes, and I realize I’m giving her the wrong idea. “Scoot over into the driver’s seat, Lila,” I clarify cautiously, reminding myself that now is not the time to try anything with her. She’s too vulnerable at the moment and I already decided I wasn’t going to go down that road.
Her cheeks redden with embarrassment as she swings her leg over the console and sits down behind the wheel. As she’s pulling her other leg over, I notice that she has a scar looping around the bottom of her ankle.
“How’d you get that scar?” I ask, hopping in and shutting the door. “I’ve never noticed it before.”
She places her hands on the top of the steering wheel, sighing. “It’s just from something really stupid I did a long time ago.” She lowers the steering wheel and scoots the seat forward, even though I haven’t told her she’s driving anywhere yet.
“Are you going somewhere?” I joke, strapping my seat belt on.
She frowns, blowing out a breath and wisps of her blonde hair flutter around in front of her face. “Isn’t that why you asked me to scoot over?”
I nod, deciding to let the teasing go. “Yeah, put your seat belt on, though.”
Sighing again, she reaches around and grabs the seat belt. “I don’t see why you’re having me drive,” she states, clicking the seat belt.
“Because it’s therapeutic.”
She glances at me from the corner of her eye. “Like your drums?”
“Were they not therapeutic?” I question. “Because it seemed to me like you relaxed.”
She looks me over from head to toe and for some dumb reason I find myself squirming like a fucking moron. “Ethan, why are you doing this?”
My eyebrows knit. “What? Letting you drive my truck?”
She shakes her head. “No, helping me. I know… we’ve talked and hung out enough that I know it’s going to drive you crazy having me live with you. I know you like your alone time.”
“Yeah… I do, but I’m guess I’m making an exception for you.”
“But why? I mean, all I’ve done for the last few days is be a bitch to you and I know you lived with Micha and everything, but living with a girl is way different.”
“Are you insulting your gender?” I tease.
She shrugs, picking at her fingernails. “Not insulting. I’m just stating the obvious. We do things, you know. Like want to talk and watch sappy movies and leave our bras and panties hanging in the bathroom because we can’t machine dry them.”
I fidget uncomfortably, trying to figure out what to say. “Well, you and I talk a lot anyway and I don’t mind sappy movies every once in a while, as long they’re poetic, and the bra and panties…” I dither with a waver of my head. “I mean, why the hell would that bother me?”
Her cheeks flush a little and I wonder what she’s thinking about. “But you never said why you’re doing it?”
“Because… I like you, Lila. You’re a good friend and you need help.” Friend. I need to remember that.
She mulls over what I said, which was nothing but the truth. “Poetic, sappy movies, huh? Do those even exist?”
“I guess you’ll have to figure that out.” I grin. “Otherwise, I guess no movies.”
She sucks her lip between her teeth, her blue eyes brighter than I’ve seen them in the last few days, which makes my heart speed up a little. “I might just have to live without them, then.” She faces forward in the seat and the fading sunlight glows against her face, her skin soft, her lips full, and she doesn’t have any makeup on, which is rare for her. And honestly, I prefer her without it because right now she looks fucking gorgeous in the realest way possible. “So what am I supposed to be doing here exactly?” She motions at the sandy land in front of us.
The sound of her voice tears me from my thoughts of her and I focus on the windshield. “You’re going to drive.”
“Drive?” She seems hesitant. “Like back to the apartment?”
“Eventually.” I extend my arm over the console and push the four-wheel-drive button. The truck grinds and then locks in. As I lean away, my arm grazes her chest and it takes a lot of energy not to lean over and touch her more. “But first I want you to drive around here.”
She blinks at me, stunned. “Are you joking?”
“Do I look like I’m joking?” I stare at her with a serious expression.
She shakes her head with reluctance, looking horrified. “No, and I’m wondering if you lost your mind or something. Maybe when you hit that hard bump in the road on the way up here and you hit your head on the window, which is going to be a mild injury compared to what could happen if you let me drive.”
“Don’t worry about crashing it,” I reassure her and relax back in the seat. “You’ll be fine.”
Her jaw drops as she grips the wheel. “Are you being serious right now? You have driven with me before.”
“I remember.” I laugh under my breath, thinking about how terrified I was as she recklessly weaved in and out of traffic. “I seriously thought I was going to fucking die.”
She lightly punches me on the arm and I wince, but laugh. “Oh, now the asshole is going to make a grand appearance.”
Stifling my laughter, I rub the spot where she hit me. “I’m just stating the obvious.” I reach over and turn the keys, then lean back in the seat. “Now come on and drive. As long as you stay on the straightaway and keep the acceleration up, we’ll be fine.”
“And what if I don’t go fast enough?”
“Then we’ll get stuck.”
She looks worried, and even though I’m not letting on, so am I. There are so many things that could go wrong right now, but it’s fun and adrenaline pumping and that’s what she needs. Good, reckless fun, without the pills, because right now, she’ll be able to feel the exhilaration of it and I’m not sure how long it’s been since she’s felt anything at all besides need.
Her shoulders rise and fall as she attempts to release the stress, and then finally she shoves the shifter into drive and presses on the gas. I try to stay calm, but when the truck lurches forward, I tense and grip the handle above my head.
“Easy,” I say, grinding my teeth. “Just go slow.”
She huffs in frustration and then lets off the gas a little. The truck gradually inches forward, the engine lagging a little. She starts to smile as she maneuvers the truck up the sandy slope, but then her face plummets as the tires protest against the lack of traction and the truck rolls back.
“Push on the gas harder,” I instruct, waving at her to go forward.
“But you just said not to give it a lot of gas,” she says, placing her hand on the shifter.
“Except when we’re going uphill.”
She frowns and then floors the gas way too much and we lurch forward. I slam my head on the headrest and hear something on her side hit something hard. When I glance up, she has the heel of her hand pressed to her forehead.
“Is your head okay?” I ask as I rub my own.
She nods. “Yeah, I think so.”
I cringe as the engine cuts in and out. “Lila, go, before we get stuck.”
She throws her hands up exasperatedly. “I don’t know why you’re having me do this.”
“For fun,” I explain. “You need to have some fun in your life.”
I must have said the magic words or something because she places her hands on top of the steering wheel and hits the gas way too hard again, the truck jerking forward. This time I’m ready and I grip the door handle, keeping myself in place. She whines in discouragement, but continues driving. The longer she does it, the more relaxed she gets and so do I, even when she hits the ramping hills and some of the bumps in the road. As she drives over a particularly large bump and the truck rumbles, bounces, and shakes, she starts to laugh.
When the truck gets on flat land again, she laughs harder and the truck starts to slow down. Ultimately, she stops it completely near the edge of the rocky road and rests her head on the steering wheel. Her shoulders shake as she sputters laugh after laugh. I remain quiet for as long as I possibly can, until I can’t take it anymore.
“Care to share what’s so funny?” I ask, flipping the visor down.
She shakes her head from side to side without looking up at me. “It’s nothing.”
“Come on, share. It’s driving me crazy.”
“Well, if I tell you, then you’re going to think I’m crazy.”
“If you don’t, I’m going to think that anyway,” I joke, but I’m being sort of serious.
She sighs, disheartened, and raises her head up. Tears stain her blue eyes and I have a hard time telling if they’re from the laughter or if she was crying while her head was down. She dabs the corners of her eyes with her fingertips and blinks the tears back.
“It’s just that… this is the most fun that I’ve had in a long time.” She shakes her head like she’s disappointed with herself. “Which is just silly.”
“It’s not silly,” I say, resisting the urge to wipe her tears away. “I think it’s fun, and trust me, I’m not silly at all.” I flash a grin at her.
She gazes at me intently. “No, you kind of are, but in a good way.”
I’m not sure how to respond to her since it seems like she’s being genuine, but genuine about my being silly. “Lila, there’s actually a reason why I brought you out here.”
She pushes the truck into park and presses down on the parking break before rotating in the seat to face me. “I figured as much.”
