Chapter 13
Ashton
The parking lot at the school was almost empty. Only a few parked cars remained. I recognized Sawyer’s truck as well as Beau’s. They would both still be at practice. I’d put off going home for over an hour. Sawyer was in the weight room and he hadn’t responded to my last text. Going home wasn’t something I could handle just yet. My Aunt Caroline and her daughter Lana had descended upon our house last night and were staying for an undetermined amount of time. Uncle Nolan had been caught doing things he shouldn’t with his secretary on top of the copy machine and Aunt Caroline had fled their home in Mississippi. We were the “only place she could think of” and didn’t that make us lotto winners. Aunt Caroline cried and regaled anyone who would listen about what she’d found my uncle doing. Hearing it the first time was hard enough. I really didn’t want to keep having to suffer through the recaps. Having Lana invade my personal space was beyond frustrating. She was so polite and polished. I wanted to scream or possibly mess up her hair and slap her around until she showed some emotion.
Leann had left for college already, Sawyer was always busy with football and Beau was acting like I didn’t exist. It was times like this when I felt so alone and lost I’d run to my Grana’s so she could make everything right again. Life was so unfair.
“What did your car do wrong?”
Beau’s voice startled me. I spun around to find him only a few feet behind me with his helmet and shoulder pads in one hand and the shirt he should be wearing in the other. Lordy, did he have to walk around shirtless? He shifted his gaze from my car to my face. I shuffled my feet nervously. We hadn’t been alone in sixteen, no, make that seventeen days.
“You’ve been standing here glowering at your car for five minutes. I’m assuming it’s somehow offended you.”
Tears stung my eyes. Being this close to him and having him actually look at me and speak directly to me was wonderful and so incredibly painful.
“What’s wrong, Ash?”
Swallowing the lump in my throat didn’t help. I bit down on my bottom lip and shrugged. He stood there silently for a moment. I could see the indecision on his face. Finally he reached for my book bag and touched my waist.
“Come with me. You can talk and I’ll listen.”
I didn’t argue. I wanted this. I needed him. I let him guide me to his truck and he opened the passenger’s door so I could climb in.
We didn’t speak at first. I worked on getting my emotions under control while he turned his truck down a familiar road I knew led to our spot on the bay.
“You wanna tell me what’s got you upset?” he asked.
He glanced at me for a second but quickly shifted his eyes back to the road. I wasn’t sure how to answer this question. A lot of things were wrong. I was with Sawyer, acting like someone I wasn’t. Someone I’d realized I didn’t even like. School had started back and Beau was there every day in the halls, in the cafeteria, in my classrooms. I could see him and not touch him. It was killing me. Then of course there was my Aunt Caroline and Lana taking away the only refuge I had left. My house. My room.
“Come on, Ash, tell me what’s going on.”
“My uncle cheated on my aunt and now my aunt and my cousin have moved into my house. Lana is in my room all the time. I have no privacy. My aunt is crying and retelling the awful story of how she caught him. There’s nowhere to hide. I just want to run off into the woods and scream.”
A soft chuckle from beside me should have ticked me off to have him laughing at my predicament, but I’d missed the sound so much it made me smile.
“Family can be a bitch,” he said a little somberly. I wondered if he was talking about Sawyer. Did he care I was with Sawyer? I couldn’t tell. I wanted to believe he was hiding his feelings from me but it seemed very unlikely. He laughed and flirted with every pretty face at school just like he’d always done.
“So I found you standing a few feet away from your car glaring at it like it had teeth and was going to bite you, because you didn’t want to go home?”
I thought about admitting I missed him. That I’d fought the urge daily to get in my car and ride down to the bar he’d taken me to play pool, hoping to find him.
He patted the spot beside him and I scooted over without hesitation. His hand found mine and he squeezed it. For the first time since Sawyer had come home I felt complete. Being with Beau made me believe everything would be okay. That the issues keeping us apart wouldn’t always matter and everything would eventually turn out alright.
We pulled onto our piece of land overlooking the Mobile Bay. Everything seemed so different in the sunlight. He released my hand and I started to scoot away when his arm slid behind me to pull me closer to his side. I let out a contented sigh and rested my head in the crook of his arm. Neither of us spoke. We just sat there and watched the sun set over the water in silence.
My eyes began to droop and I smiled, thinking how easy everything was with him.
“Ash.” Beau’s breath tickled my ear. My eyes flew open and it took me a moment to remember where I was at. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I slowly sat up.
“I fell asleep,” I mumbled.
Beau chuckled. “Yeah, you did.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Beau tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and flashed me the crooked smile that never failed to make my heart flutter.
“Don’t be. I can’t think of a better time I’ve had since . . . well, since.”
What did he mean by that? Since when? Since this summer when it’d been just us? Before he’d let me walk out of his trailer without an argument?
“I need to get you back. Sawyer’s texted your phone and called you several times. The last time he called I figured it was time I woke you. Even though I enjoyed having you sleep on me.”
My heart thumped against my chest. Hearing him say things like that to me gave me hope. Hope for what, I didn’t know. I’d been the one to decide it wasn’t worth it. He handed me my phone.
“Answer him. This is going to be hard enough to explain as it is.”
I read both texts from him asking me where I was at. He sounded concerned in his last one. My car being left at the school parking lot was bothering him.
Beau’s phone rang and he glanced down at it and frowned. “It’s Sawyer.”
I reached for his phone. “Here, let me answer it. I might as well explain. Besides, we did nothing wrong.”
“Hello?”
“Ash? Where are you? Why’re you answering Beau’s phone. I’ve been trying to call you.”
“I’m sorry. I know. I was just about to call you. I’ve been asleep. Beau found me in the parking lot. I didn’t want to go home and face all the drama. He offered to listen to me rant some and I ended up falling asleep. He let me sleep. But he’s bringing me back to my car now.”
Sawyer was quiet for a moment. I glanced over at Beau, who was watching me with something that reminded me of a lion who sensed danger and was getting ready to pounce.
“Okay, I’ll go wait for you at your car,” he finally replied.
I wasn’t sure what Sawyer was thinking by the tone of his voice. Normally I could gauge his mood over the phone.
“I’ll see you in a little while then,” I said and handed the phone back to Beau. He closed it and nodded toward the passenger side of the truck.
“If he’s going to be waiting on us you probably need to scoot over. I’m not sure he’d be that understanding.”
Beau cranked the truck and turned it back toward town. Reluctantly I slid back over to the far side of the truck. Away from his warmth.
“Beau . . . thank you. I needed this. I needed, I needed . . . you.”
He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head.
“Saying things like that to me makes this so damn hard. I’ll always be here for you. But don’t tell me you need me.”
“But I can’t help it. I do.”
“Damn it, Ash. I can’t listen to that. I can’t think about it. I can deal with denying myself what I need. What I want. But I can’t deny you.”
“You love Sawyer. He’s like your brother. Could you really hurt him that way? Could you really lose him over a girl? I don’t know if I could let you do it. One day you would resent me for coming between the two of you. You would never be able to love me. I would always be a reminder of how I was the reason you lost Sawyer.”
I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. There were so many reasons why I could never have Beau. And every time I voiced one it ripped another hole in my heart.
“You’re right,” he said in a hoarse whisper.
Hearing him agree felt as if he’d just run a sword through my chest. I bit back a sob and turned my head away from him.
Neither of us spoke again.
When he pulled into the parking spot beside my car, Sawyer was at the passenger side of Beau’s truck, immediately opening it and reaching for me.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’ve been so wrapped up in football that I’ve been ignoring you. You just lost your Grana and now your relatives have invaded your house.” He pulled me into his arms and I let him hold me. Right now my chest ached so badly I needed someone to hold me together. Even if that someone wasn’t Beau.
“Thank you, Beau. You were there for her when I wasn’t. I owe you one,” Sawyer said over my head. I didn’t look at Beau. I kept my face buried in Sawyer’s chest.
“You’re welcome,” he replied. Sawyer closed the truck door and I listened as the tires crunched over the gravel. The sound of Beau driving off and leaving me here with Sawyer.
“Come back to my house with me. I’m grilling outside with Dad tonight and my parents would love to have you over,” Sawyer said, pulling back to gaze down at me. I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to say no. Going home meant more Lana and more Aunt Caroline.
“Okay.”
