His stomach growled a little. He was pretty sure that a month into being stranded he should be begging for food, not wondering if Dane wasn’t overcooking their dinner. He’d gotten picky about his wild boar.
Alea laughed and threw herself onto the sand beside him. Yep. They would be getting right back in the ocean before they headed to camp. She sighed happily and put her head on his shoulder. “I see Mr. Happy is making an appearance.”
She’d named his penis, and she’d done it real damn well. His penis was happy. Fucking thrilled, in fact. “Baby, that’s his permanent state around you.”
He moved his arm so he could get it under her neck, cradling her properly. He had to admit, he loved the nights when all three of his brothers loved her, but he also enjoyed these long afternoons when he had her to himself. They’d taken to splitting up alone time with their girl. Nights were for the family, but afternoons were split shifts, and mornings were all up to Alea. Whatever she wanted. If she wanted to be alone, they allowed her the illusion that she was. One of them was always watching her because she was the most precious thing in the world and they weren’t about to let her drown or fall or have anything bad happen to her, but they let her be.
Afternoons were all about relaxing, and nights were for exploring.
Yeah, he was in no hurry to go to back to civilization. He kind of loved island life.
She giggled, actually giggled, and turned her body into his, one leg tangling between his, the intimacy doing strange things to his heart. “I think you’re all just permanently aroused, but I love it.”
He was glad because they were all on her at least twice a day. He kissed her, relaxing because eventually Mr. Happy would get what he wanted, and Cooper was damn straight content to just lay with her for a minute or two. “I think Dane wants to play with his flogger tonight.”
Dane had built a Tropical Dungeon. He’d been busy, using their knives and his constructed weapons to build their shelters. Shelters. Because Dane wasn’t happy with some craptastic Survivor hut. No. Only the best for his former CO. He’d managed to put together a sleeping shelter with luxurious pillows and blankets they’d saved from the plane, a shed for food and water storage. And he’d found a cave in the inland that he’d tricked up so they would be comfortable during storms. He was the MacGyver of island living.
And Lan was the provider. The dude could kill shit. He had a freaking sixth sense when it came to hunting and fishing. Their bellies were full every night thanks to him.
Cooper was proud to be the workhorse and the medic and the all-around Alea whisperer. He’d once wondered what role he could play in this family, but he’d discovered that he was the peacekeeper. When the other two didn’t know how to talk to their woman, he was the one they turned to. They were all way better now, but there were still points of contention.
She still wasn’t ready to handle them being on top of her, and there were still plenty of acts that set her mind spinning back to her captivity.
Alea rose up to one elbow, looking down on him. Damn, but she was sweeter though. “What do you think the flogger is like? I don’t know much about it. I’ve heard the word, but I don’t really know what it means. I know sailors used to get flogged on occasion.”
He had to smile. “It’s not quite the same, baby.”
“Is it like getting whipped?”
He didn’t want her to worry. They were trying to move her slowly into the BDSM fun. “Not at all. There are a lot of different kinds of floggers, but my personal favorite is deerskin. It’s soft. We can have another one made at some point. But before we would ever play around with it, we would let you touch it, get to know it. It wouldn’t hurt. It’s more like a massage, but it can get you into subspace.”
Her gorgeous dark eyes rolled slightly. “Yeah, you guys like me there.”
“Do you like it there?”
Her head came back down, resting on his chest, the sun shining down on their bodies. “You know I do. It’s very relaxing. Who knew that I would find a spanking ultimately relaxing?”
But spanking hadn’t exactly achieved what they wanted it to. They’d been trying to get her to open up, to talk about what had happened during her captivity. It wasn’t some perverse curiosity. Until she talked about it, she couldn’t really heal, couldn’t move on.
Cooper wasn’t dumb. This idyll in paradise was a complete break with everything she knew, everything that weighed on her and dragged her down. It was easy to throw off stress about tomorrow here because she didn’t have to worry about being a princess or the press or family obligations. She could be their island lover. He got that, but they had to think about the future.
They had to think about what happened when they were back in Bezakistan. If they got back to Bezakistan.
She nuzzled his chest. “If I relax anymore I might die. You guys won’t let me do anything.”
“Because we love to take care of you.” He rubbed his hand along her back, down to her ass. He loved her ass. She’d been wearing the plug for a couple of hours every day, going up to a bigger plug twice now. She was almost ready to take them. God, he couldn’t wait. No matter how many times he’d gotten inside her, every damn time seemed like the first.
“I think it’s because I ruined the conch that second night. No one will let me near the fire. I can learn, you know.”
She was a horrible cook. Seriously bad. Like had a curse on her bad. “Baby, I like to cook. Don’t take that away from me. Here, come give me a kiss.”
She’d gotten good at fishing with Lan. He was even teaching her to throw a spear, and she’d become the freaking queen of weaving together palm fronds for their ever evolving roof, but he wasn’t letting her near their food.
“Fine, but we’re going to talk about this,” she said, getting to her elbows and bringing her mouth close to his. He loved the husky quality of her voice. She gave in to pleasure so easily now.
But he hated the boundaries that were still between them.
He lay back, letting her take the lead when every cell in his body wanted her flat on her back with her ankles around his neck, screaming out his name.
She leaned over and kissed him, her tongue running along his bottom lip as she reached for his cock. Her small hand played with his balls, cupping them and rolling them before she stroked up his length and let her thumb swipe across the head of his cock.
Fuck, she was getting so good at that.
He brought his hands to her hair, tangling them in her damp strands and holding her mouth to his so he could settle his tongue in. This was what he loved. She softened beside him. He started to roll her on to her back. Little bits at a time. Ease her into it.
She pushed back. “No. Not like that.”
Frustration started to well. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t take her any way she would have him. It was that she wasn’t even trying to push past her fears. “Lea, baby, can we just try?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like it. But you like this.”
She kissed his throat, an obvious attempt to deflect the problem.
“I want to talk about it.” He really did, but he adored the way her mouth was covering his skin, her hands running across his muscles.
“I want to make love.”
“Lea, how are you going to take all three of us if you won’t let anyone on top of you?” He forced himself to sit up, his erection complaining mightily, but this was an issue they needed to address.
She frowned, sitting up and back on her heels, that ‘imperious princess’ look on her face. He wondered if she’d been taught that look, the one that let everyone know she was royal and they were not. “If you aren’t interested, I’ll go find Lan.”
“Lan wants to be on top of you, too. We all do.”
She frowned, her eyes turning down. “I don’t understand why.”
“Because it will mean you trust us.”
She softened slightly. “I do trust you.”
“To a point. Talk to me. Give me part of this burden, baby. You don’t have to keep everything rattling around inside you. Just start talking and let it out. It’s a poison in your system until you do.”
Her fists clenched and for the first time in weeks, he saw that icy persona she used to wear like armor. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, and I would thank you to leave it be. I don’t ask you to bare your soul to me, and I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to delve into mine.”
He lay back, hating that cold tone that crept into her voice. They’d made some progress with her body but not her soul. “All right, Lea. You’re right. Go find Lan. I’m going to stay here for a little while, soak up some sun.”
He knew when he’d hit a brick wall. He closed his eyes because he couldn’t watch her walk away.
And yet she didn’t move. Her hand crept back to his chest, her palm over his heart. Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. “I’m scared to talk about it.”
There was a crack in that brick wall. Finally. Maybe they’d done more good than he’d thought. He didn’t open his eyes, giving her some cover, but he put his hand over hers. “There’s nothing to be scared of.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Why can’t things stay like this? I like it like this.”
Now he opened his eyes, focused on her. “Things change, Lea. We can’t stop them from changing, but if we really know and love each other, then maybe we can change together. Lots of people start out in love and they really mean it, but that love dies because a couple of years down the road, they’re not the same people anymore. And it doesn’t work anymore because they never really knew one another. I want to know you. I want to know your past and the you right now. I want to grow with the Alea of the future. But I don’t know how we do that if you keep all the doors closed between us.”
A sad smile curled her lips up. “We’ve opened a whole lot of doors, Coop.”
He sat back up because she really had been trying. He caught her mouth with his, a sweet affection. “I know, baby, but this is a damn important door.”
She took a long breath and her shoulders shuddered slightly. “It was hell.”
Oh, crap. He’d kind of thought Dane would be around when she opened up, but he wasn’t going to shut her down. “I know, baby, but it can’t hurt you now.”
“What if some of those doors you want me to open lead to bad places? What if they show you things you might not want to see?”
He didn’t want to see any of it, wished it had never happened, but those months were so important to who Alea was now that if they didn’t talk about it, those memories would become landmines that eventually exploded. “There is nothing you can tell me that will make me love you less, Alea.”
“Sometimes I feel like I should have done more,” she began quietly. “Lots of women died in that place. Why was I kept alive? Why didn’t they rape me? I know that sounds horrible. I’m happy they didn’t, but there’s this piece of me that wonders…”
He stayed perfectly still. She was like a deer he didn’t want to scare off. So beautiful and fragile and ready to bolt at the slightest sign of danger. He kept his voice quiet, tender. “Wonder what, baby?”
“If they had used me the way they did the other girls, maybe it would have been easier on them. Maybe some of them wouldn’t have died. The girl in the room next to me…” Her voice cracked a little, and her hand found his, linking them together. “I could hear her. She was forced to service so many men. So many. They used her until she died. I’m not sure of what, but I know she was dead in her bed one morning a few days before I was rescued. What if I had taken some of her burden?”
Tears made his vision a blurry mess, and he tightened his hand around hers, willing his love and comfort into her. She didn’t need his strength. She was so damn strong. This guilt had to be a heavy burden to bear. “Baby, you didn’t get to make that choice.” And he was so happy she hadn’t been forced to make the sacrifice. “And you have no idea whether it would have helped or not. You didn’t force those men on her.”
“I felt so helpless. So small and meaningless.”
That was the true horror of what those bastards had done to her, Cooper realized. She’d had her identity and her whole worldview torn apart and ground into the dirt. Alea was a woman who had been taught to reach out to people. It had been bred into her bones. Royalty in Bezakistan worked for the country and for their people. Tal, Rafe, and Kade were constantly in the oil fields and scoping out the work at the site of the new green project. Alea’s aunt still visited hospitals, her days filled with charity work. Alea had been born to do the same. Then she’d been forced into a situation where she could do nothing but watch the women around her suffer.
