“I do love Em. But it hasn’t progressed the way I thought it would at first.” I searched my soul for the truth. “I don’t want to take your place. I couldn’t.”
He faced me. “I hope we never have to find out if that’s true.”
“We both know the future is subjective. Just because you saw us together … doesn’t mean it’s going to happen,” I said. “And so many things would change. Like Lily.”
“She’s different for you, isn’t she? You look at her when she talks,” Michael said, watching me. “Weigh what she has to say.”
“Because what she has to say matters,” I said. “She matters.”
“Have you told her?”
“No.” But I’d thought about it all night.
He smiled. It, along with his emotions, was bittersweet. “What are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know. That’s a lie. I’m scared. That she won’t feel the same way. That she will.” I stood up and took over Michael’s pacing. “I mean, I’ve never done this.”
“One question.” He paused until I stopped and looked at him. “Is she worth it?”
I didn’t hesistate. “Yes.”
“Then tell her.”
Chapter 37
I’d been standing downtown for an hour, trying to work up my nerve, watching mothers picking up or dropping off their daughters at the Ivy Springs School of Dance. There was an overabundance of pink, glitter, and hair twisted up in buns. The buns made me think of Lily.
But, then, everything did.
A white van pulled up in front of Murphy’s Law across the street, and I watched as a guy in khaki pants took a dolly out of the back and huffed into his hands to warm them before he rolled it inside. A cold front was moving in, the first taste of winter. Storms always followed.
A minute later, the man came out with a full load of bakery boxes. They had the Murphy’s Law logo on them, bright blue and white.
When he left, I’d go over there.
I would.
“Kaleb?” I looked away when a girl with really blue eyes and red hair stepped into my line of vision. She had a bun and tights, too. I tried to place her, but all I could remember was that her name started with an A. “I’m Ainsley. We met at Wild Bill’s last summer.”
I smiled, but inwardly I was cussing like a freak. I remembered her now. The night Michael had to come downtown to get me from the bar, right before I met Em. I’d had a little too much fun. How much, exactly, I didn’t know. “How are you?”
“Wondering why you never called me.” The blue eyes held a hint of disappointment.
Apparently, not calling was a trend with me.
“I thought we had a good time,” she continued, and then gave me pouty lips that I think she meant to be sexy. They weren’t.
“There’s been a lot of … stuff happening.” My dad came back from the dead, an attempt was made on my life, I didn’t remember you existed. “Sorry about that.”
“Well, it’s lucky we ran into each other now.” After digging around in her duffel bag, she fished out a permanent marker and grabbed my hand, pulling it toward her. She wrote her number on my palm, and then curled each of my fingers around it. “Don’t lose it this time.”
And then, right there in the middle of the sidewalk, she kissed me.
Just as Lily came out of Murphy’s Law.
“Oh no.” I pulled away from Ainsley.
Really? Really?
Ava stepped out of the dance studio, raising the lapels of her peacoat together to block out the wind. She had on tights and a scuffed-up pair of pink ballet shoes, and her auburn hair was pulled into a tight bun. I hadn’t really talked to her since helping her move in.
“Hi, Ainsley. I didn’t know you knew Kaleb.” Ava’s voice was sweeter than I’d ever heard it.
“I didn’t know you knew Kaleb.” Ainsley’s voice was ice-cold.
Ava sensed something was up, either because I’d broken out in a sweat, or because Ainsley was looking at me like I was her lunch money and Ava was about to steal me.
“I do know Kaleb.” Ava wrapped her arm around mine and winked up at me. “We go way back.”
I looked from Ainsley to Ava, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
Lily stood fifteen feet away, a bakery box in each hand, her head tilted to the side. And she was pissed.
“So is there something between you two?” Ainsley asked. “Do you date?”
I tried to make eye contact with Lily, give her some kind of sign that I wasn’t an active participant in what was going on.
“I think ‘something between us’ accurately describes it,” Ava answered.
Lily smiled briefly at the man as he took the bakery boxes and put them in his trunk.
“I guess that was a waste of Sharpie,” Ainsley said, gesturing toward my hand before wrinkling up her nose. “I can’t believe you’re with Ava. She’s like a walking skeleton.”
“Aw, thanks,” Ava answered. “We all have our strengths. At least I don’t misplace my panties on a regular basis like some people do. Keeping them on helps with that, by the way.”
Ainsley stalked into the studio on straight legs. I craned my neck, trying to catch another glimpse of Lily. She was gone.
“Kaleb Ballard. Please tell me you did not hook up with Ainsely.” Ava’s voice was full of disgust.
I had to explain things to Lily. A line extended all the way out the door of Murphy’s Law, and her emotions had been pretty clear, even from across the street. I could wait until the crowd thinned out.
“Did you?” Ava demanded.
I realized that she was talking to me, and I looked away from Murphy’s Law. “I don’t think so. I might have been in the process at one point.”
“That girl is crazy pants.”
I laughed. “Crazy pants?”
“Yes.” Ava waved the question away. “It’s a thing. Anyway, I’d take a swim in some turpentine before that number soaks into your skin. It might turn into a brand.”
“Thanks for coming to my rescue.” I fought against sneaking another glimpse at Murphy’s Law, hoping Lily would reappear. “Wait. Why did you? You don’t like me.”
“You had a panicked look on your face.”
“That should make you happy.”
“It’s true, not too long ago, I would’ve thrown you to the wolves. Maybe told her you couldn’t stop talking about her, that you drew her name inside hearts on all your notebooks, had her picture in your locker.”
“That’s pretty harsh,” I said. “And I don’t have a locker.”
“Wouldn’t have mattered. My hate knew no limits. But,” she said, removing her arm from around mine, “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about in the gatehouse. All the things that happened—that I did—last year.”
“What did you come up with?” I asked.
“Jack.” She stared at her feet. “I guess he figured out I’d be easier to use and abuse if I felt alienated from the rest of you.”
“Separate you from the pack.”
She nodded.
