I did so, simply willed it to go elsewhere, felt its acquiescence, and jerked in shock when it actually did. “Holy shit.”
Szerain gave a strangled cry between dismay, frustration, and fury. “Dahn!” He closed his extended hand into a fist, shaking more as the quiet potency of the blade departed. Zack wrapped an arm around him from behind. Szerain struggled vainly as the Elder syraza clamped his other hand over Szerain’s forehead and pulled his head back.
Dismayed, I stepped forward. Stricken horror replaced the determined, haunted intensity in Szerain’s eyes, as if he knew he could do nothing to stop what was about to happen. “Dahn. No. I will subside. Jhivral, Zakaar…please,” Szerain gasped, voice near breaking. “I will subside.”
“Please, Zack,” I said, agonized, reaching a hand out toward him. I knew the torment that awaited Szerain. “Please don’t.”
Zack looked from him to me and back again, clearly assessing us both carefully, weighing options and determining if the risk was worth it. He slowly eased his grip. “You have a moment,” he said, and only the tension in his voice betrayed how much he despised all of this.
Szerain closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. I knew without doubt that he was calling a pygah, and in a few heartbeats he visibly calmed in both features and energy. How long has it been since he’s been able to do that? I wondered with a deep ache.
Szerain opened liquid, ancient eyes and met mine. “Dak lahn. Thank you.”
I gave a slight nod in response, watching him.
His brows drew together as though he heard or smelled something he couldn’t identify. His eyes shifted around, then came to rest on the exposed sigil on my chest. A muscle in his jaw leaped as his eyes traced the contours, expression shifting as if the patterns spoke to him. “Fuck,” he murmured, then lifted his gaze back to my face. “Rhyzkahl?”
A chill went through me. My lip curled. “Kri.”
Szerain went demonic-lord still, a deep seething anger, long submerged, perceptible behind his eyes. Without warning he ripped fully from Zack’s grasp and moved toward me, eyes on what he could see of the sigils. I sucked in a breath and took a step back, but before he could reach me Zack grabbed him by the collar and seized his arm once again.
Szerain pulled against the restraint. “Release me. I must touch it. You know I must touch it.”
Zack maintained his hold, looked from him to me. “Kara?”
“Let him,” I said, feeling Eilahn’s solid presence behind me.
Szerain moved in closer with Zack still holding his upper arm, intensity in his face intermittently shot with anguish and instability. He lifted a hand, laid his full palm against my upper chest, sucked in a breath.
“Rakkuhr. One sigil for each qaztahl, and one more to…” He tipped his head back, took a shuddering breath and then released it in what could only be relief. “Not completed.”
“No,” I said, throat dry. “Mzatal saved me.”
Realization flashed across his face. “He was the one who summoned you. He is ever the wisest of the three.” He shook his head. “There were times he should have listened to me. But far more when I should have listened to him.” He let his hand drop from the scars. “Fuck Rhyzkahl. Fuck him.”
I snorted. “Been there, done that. Rather not.”
His mouth twitched into a smile. “And I told you it was a very poor idea.”
I smiled back, seeing a shimmer of Ryan in him for the first time.
“Szerain,” Zack said, a subtle strength in his voice. “It is time. You know it must be done, and it will only get harder if we delay.”
An eyes-wide panic came to Szerain’s face. “No. No,” he said, shaking his head. “I cannot.”
“No,” I said to Zack. “Please. You can’t do that to him.” Numb horror rose at the memory of my own brief submersion. “It’s too cruel. You can’t!”
Zack didn’t look at me, kept his focus fully on Szerain. “I must, Kara. He draws attention thus.” He gave a hiss as Szerain backed away.
“I cannot,” Szerain said, radiating a fear and horror that looked and felt utterly out of place on him. “And there is much I must do.”
“Then we’ll hide him!” I grabbed Szerain’s hand. “We’ll use the cuff or something. You can’t submerge him again!” I shook my head. “Mzatal showed me what it was like. I can’t let you do that to him.”
Szerain gripped my hand firmly as he backed to the wall. Zack kept his eyes fully on Szerain. “Kara, it must be. We cannot hide him.”
Szerain’s eyes flicked to the stairs, clearly ready to flee. Eilahn stepped between Szerain and the exit. I looked at her, agonized.
“You can’t let him do this!” I told her, keeping a tight hold on Szerain’s hand. “Please. It’s torture.”
“Szerain,” Zack said, speaking the lord’s name clearly and with his own potency. “You can flee and defend and retaliate, and seek to right that which you have made wrong and that which has been made wrong in your name.” He paused. “But what of Kara, and Tessa, and Jill, and,” his voice dropped lower, “the one unborn.” I knew he spoke of Jill’s pregnancy. “What of others who might be harmed by those who would not tolerate you free on Earth?”
A deep and horrible ache went through me as I felt the keen truth of Zack’s words. Time on Earth was precious to the demonic lords, and if and when the Mraztur made a play to confine an unsubmerged Szerain, they wouldn’t give a shit about collateral damage. I also knew that I would willingly submerge myself to protect Jill and the baby and the others. My eyes filled with tears, but I didn’t say anything to Szerain. It was a horrible and terrible thing to agree to, and I couldn’t encourage it. All I could do was be here for him. Openly crying, I took both his hands in mine.
Szerain breathed through bared teeth. He saw the truth of it as well. He gave a frustrated cry as he gripped my hands hard, shaking in earnest as he looked from Zack to me. I remembered the locks of hair, the paintings in the shrine, the hundreds of statues in his chambers. To Szerain, the fate of a few humans might actually matter. Would it to another lord?
In an instant, he gathered me to him, bent his head close to mine. “I am Ryan. But I am Szerain.” He drew a deep and shaking breath as he clung to me and I to him. “Do it,” he told Zack. “Do it now.”
Immediately, Zack put a hand to his head. I held Szerain close, fucking hating this with my entire essence.
“Kara,” Szerain said with burning urgency, “tell Mzatal we were wrong.” He shook harder as the submersion began, weeping against my neck. “Remember me.”
Wrong? About what? I wanted to ask, but I could feel his face shift subtly where it pressed against my neck and knew it was already too late. “I’ll remember you,” I said, crying and sickened. “I swear.”
He still shook, but now it was more a shudder of reaction than of pain. He made an urrk sound and lifted his head. I looked up. He was all Ryan now.
I fought to pull myself together and smile. “Hey, big guy,” I said, doing my damnedest to keep my voice steady. “Glad to see me or something?”
Confusion flickered through his expression, then he gave a shaky smile. “Yeah, ya think?” He straightened, scrubbed a hand over his face self-consciously.
“Summonings do that to me too.” I quickly wiped my own eyes. “Missed you.” I gave him a hug, then looked around the room. Zack looked both queasy and relieved. Tessa still stood pressed against the wall, eyes on Ryan and me. I grimaced inwardly. Forgot all about her. Crap.
Yeah, Tessa and I were definitely going to have a long talk later on. About many things. I met her eyes, held my hand out while silently urging her to not ask, to not shatter this fragile Ryan.
Tessa swallowed visibly, then pushed off the wall and straightened her shoulders, settling her usual confidence and attitude about her like a mantle. She moved to me and took my hand, and I pulled her into a tight embrace.
“Thanks,” I said, voice suddenly hoarse.
“Always,” she murmured. “Now take care of your other business here.” With that she gave me a proud smile, then turned and headed up the stairs.
I exhaled, then looked back over at Ryan. “So, did you bring donuts?” I asked, trying to restore some sense of normalcy.
He blinked, still trying to get his bearings. “Yeah, upstairs.” Ryan’s shaky smile spread into a grin. “You think I have a death wish? Get you back from the demon realm and not have any donuts for you?” He rolled his eyes. “You’d kill me.” He lifted a hand to my face. “You’re really back. God, I was so worried.”
I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. “Yeah, I’m back.”
“Ryan,” Zack said, fully back into his easy-going surfer boy/FBI agent persona. “I need to talk to you for a few minutes after you give Kara her donuts.”
Eilahn chimed softly. “And Kara has had a very long and trying day,” she told both men. “She needs to bathe and to rest.”
“Yes, mom.” I rolled my eyes, yet at the same time a deep relief speared through me. I was exhausted, and I needed time to process everything before facing Ryan again. I also doubted that Zack truly needed to talk to Ryan. More likely he wanted to make sure that Szerain was fully locked down. My mind shuddered away from that thought as I tucked my arm around Ryan’s waist.
“C’mon, bitch, gimme my donuts,” I told him.
He laughed, draped an arm over my shoulder in an unsettling echo of Mzatal’s gesture. “My god, you’re cranky. I knew I should’ve had them waiting down here.”
“Yeah, thought you were smarter than that,” I said, then made a tsking noise. “Forgot. You’re a fed.”
He laughed again and gave me a squeeze as we climbed the stairs together.
Chapter 43
