A squeal and a laugh made Carolyn glance to the_ right, the sunglasses she wore hiding the fact that she was watching a young couple romp on the shoreline. A young redhead was apparently reluctant to enter the water and a dark-haired young man had grabbed her around the waist from behind, lifting her off her feet. Definitely honeymooners, Carolyn decided as she watched the young man carry the laughing woman into the sea.
So young, so happy, so in love, she thought sadly, just watching them made her want to weep. She didn't think she'd ever been all of those things. Oh, she'd been young once, and happy on occasion, but not happy like they were, and while she'd thought she was in love with Robert, it turned out the man she'd loved hadn't even existed.
Her in-love stage had been very short and mostly self-conscious as she struggled to please a man who could never be pleased.
Grimacing at the unhappy memories, she raised her book again and pretended to read, but instead continued to glance around under the cover her sunglasses offered.
Carolyn had awakened that morning to the sounds of retching coming from Beth's room. Bethany was still sick, definitely some sort of bug and not food poisoning, which was a worry with her diabetes. When Beth joined her in the kitchen some moments later, Carolyn had suggested seeing if there was a doctor on the island, but Beth had refused. She just needed more sleep, she'd insisted.
Carolyn should go have breakfast with Genie and then hit the beach. She'd join her later.
As if that was likely, Carolyn thought on a sigh. It seemed she was destined to spend the next two weeks alone, surrounded by happy honeymooners, whose very joy was a counterpoint to her own situation. That or hang out with her gay buddy Christian.
The thought was unkind, she told herself as soon as it slipped into her mind. Christian seemed like a nice guy. Besides, without him to keep her company at least part of the time, she might very well be moved to do herself harm.
Seriously, all these loving couples made her feel...
Well, frankly, she felt damaged. A freak. She kept looking around wondering why she didn't have someone to love her. Why Robert hadn't loved her. What was wrong with her? It was disheartening, being surrounded by all the couples were young. There were some older couples, and even one or two women she thought she might be better looking than. Yet they all had these happy, smiling, loving partners while she was alone... as usual. But then Carolyn had felt alone most of her life. She'd been a latchkey kid with a mother who she knew loved her dearly, but who, because of circumstances, had spent most of her time working, and then... Well, she'd just never felt like she belonged anywhere or had a real family.
Carolyn grimaced at her own selfish thoughts. She'd been very lucky to have her mother. She'd at least known she was loved. Some kids didn't even have that. She forced her gaze back to her book again, trying to find where she'd left off, then stiffened with surprise as someone dropped onto the sand beside her lounger.
"Morning."
Carolyn recognized Christian's voice before she actually turned her head to look at him. He had a deep, sexy voice, very distinctive and hard to forget. She smiled at him, her relief at no longer being alone adding warmth to it.
"Morning," she said and frowned as she noted the rings under his eyes. "Did you get any sleep at all?"
"Not much. I drifted off at dawn." When concern pulled at her face, he shrugged. "It just means I'll sleep great tonight."
Carolyn smiled wryly. "As it happens, so should I. I woke up at dawn."
"Ah, that explains it," he murmured and she quirked an eyebrow.
"Explains what?"
"Why you look tired too," he said quickly. "What woke you?"
"Beth. She got up to get a drink and dropped a glass in the kitchen. By the time I sent her to bed and cleaned it up, I was wide awake. I tried to go back to sleep, but gave up after lying there for an hour."
Christian nodded. "How's she doing?"
"I think it's the flu and she should see a doctor, but she insists that so long as she takes in lots of fluids and sleeps, she'll be fine." Carolyn said, her eyebrows rising as she glanced over his black jeans and T-shirt.
"That's not exactly beachwear."
"I have something of an allergy to the sun," he excused himself.
"Should you be out here then?" she asked with concern.
"So long as we're in the shade, I'm good."
"Hmm. You aren't going to be comfortable out here in jeans and a T-shirt, though. It's too hot. Maybe we should-"
Her voice died abruptly as he stood and quickly removed his T-shirt.
Her eyes widened. She'd thought his tight T-shirts pretty much gave away what his chest would look like naked, but she'd been wrong. He looked good in the T-shirt, but he was a bloody Adonis without it.
When Christian undid his jeans and began to push them off his hips, she tried to tear her eyes away, but it was just impossible. She watched avidly as he stepped out of them to reveal a pair of loose, black swim trunks. His legs were as impressive as his torso. The man was built like an athlete, all rippling muscles and taut olive skin.
He must be popular at gay bars, Carolyn thought, but frowned as she noted that his impromptu striptease had drawn every female eye for a hundred yards.
"Damn, Christian, you're likely to cause a riot on the beach doing that," she said with disgust.
"What?" he asked, glancing around with surprise.
"Never mind." Carolyn glanced around again to notice that some of the women were now enviously looking her way. If they only knew. "You should have grabbed a lounge chair before stripping. Do you want me to get you one?"
Christian shook his head, and unfurled a large beach towel next to her chair. "I'm good."
"Hmm." She watched him stretch out. When he turned his head and smiled, she automatically smiled back and then returned her gaze to her book, thinking it was a shame she'd never dated anyone as attractive as him when she was younger. Every woman should get to enjoy such male beauty at least once in their life.
Her mouth quirked. She'd actually been asked out by such a man once in university. Well... the term "asked out" was a bit misleading, she supposed. He'd walked up and started talking to her on one of the rare occasions when it had just been the three girls out. Amazed that such a good looking-translated: hot-guy was paying her such attention, she'd hung on his every word for the full three minutes it had taken before he'd said, "I'd love to have breakfast with you. Your place or mine?" Carolyn had shrunk from the offer like the virgin she'd been at the time, but now wondered how her life might have turned out had she accepted it.
It might have ended up different, or it might have wound up the same, Carolyn supposed. Really, regrets were a waste of time. You simply couldn't change the past.
The present and the future were all you had to work with.
"What are you reading?"
Carolyn glanced to Christian.
He was lounging on his back, his hands under his head and smiling at her easily.
She turned the cover for him to read. "It's very popular at the moment, but I'm finding it a bit slow myself; too much about German politics, at least at the beginning. Hopefully the story picks up soon."
"Let me know if it does. I've got that at home on my TBR pile," he admitted.
"Really?" she asked, eyes wide.
He arched an eyebrow and asked, "Why so surprised?
Did you think the only thing I could read was music?"
Carolyn chuckled. "Well, you are a rocker. I thought all you guys did was party and have sex."
Christian snorted. "You'd be surprised. It's been a long time for me, and I don't even remember when Santo and Raffaele last had a lover."
"And Zanipolo and Gia?" she asked.
"Gia hasn't for a long time either. Zanipolo, on the other hand, is something of a slut," he informed her.
Carolyn grinned. "He is, is he?"
"Yes," Christian assured her, and chuckled. "And he was very upset to learn that he was the one you first thought must be the homosexual in the band when Gia was talking to you."
Carolyn stilled. "I didn't tell Gia that's who I suspected was gay."
Christian's grin froze, and then he relaxed and shrugged. "Perhaps she was teasing him then."
Carolyn frowned. It must be the case, of course, because she hadn't spoken her thoughts aloud... still...
Still what? It wasn't like Gia could read her mind. She must have just been teasing Zanipolo. It was a coincidence, she thought, and then, realizing what Christian had said, asked, "So Zanipolo knows you're gay?"
His gaze flickered. "Zanipolo knows my sexual preference."
"Oh. Does anyone else?"
Rather than answer, he sat up abruptly and glanced around until his eyes found the small drinks shack in the middle of the crowded beach. "Do you want a drink? I'm thirsty."
"I am kind of thirsty," she admitted.
Christian immediately dug his wallet out of his jeans pocket and loped away across the sand. Out into the sun, she noted, worrying about his allergy. Fortunately, it was a slow moment at the booth and he was back quickly with two margaritas.
"It's kind of early for alcohol, isn't it?" Carolyn asked as he bent to give her one of the drinks. By her guess it wasn't yet noon. Maybe 11 am.
"I didn't know what else was good," Christian said with a shrug as he settled on the sand next to her. "One shouldn't hurt us."
"Hurt us, no," she agreed. "But I'll probably fall asleep."
"Considering neither of us got a full night's sleep, that doesn't seem a bad thing. A little nap in the shade sounds good to me."
Shrugging, she sipped her drink. It really was good, cold, tangy, refreshing, the perfect drink for a hot, sunny day with a book.
"Do you think Beth will feel better by tonight?" Christian asked, sipping his own drink.
"Probably not. Why?"
"Julius wanted to know for the reservations," he explained.
"The reservations?" Carolyn asked uncertainly.
"For dinner." Seeing her blank expression, he reminded her, "Dinner and dancing tonight. Dinner before we play our set, dancing in town after?"
"Oh, right." She'd forgotten that business from last night. But now supposed that meant she could expect kissing or nuzzling to take place tonight to convince his family they were witnessing a blossoming love affair. The thought made her raise her glass, but she remembered about brain freezes at the last moment and only sipped the drink.
"It's just one night," Christian said quietly. "I'll book tours and dinners for the rest of the week to ensure it doesn't happen again."
Carolyn nodded at the reassurance and took another swallow of her drink.
"Do you have any tours you're particularly interested in?" he asked.
Carolyn shook her head. "I don't even know what's available. I know we're booked for a market shuttle and Bethany booked us for the day sail up the coast to see a drive-in volcano and a cocoa plantation. But other than that, I'm clueless when it comes to what's available."
Christian tossed back the last of his quickly melting margarita and stretched out next to her again. "I'll grab a pamphlet when we go to lunch and we can check out what's available while we eat."
Carolyn nodded and drank the last of her own drink, then set the empty glass in the sand beside her seat and lay back to open her book again. But she was smiling now, she noted. It was a comfortable, relaxed smile. She wasn't alone.
"Cara?"
"Hmmm?" she murmured sleepily, blinking her eyes open to find she'd turned onto her stomach on the lounger.
The sun had moved in the sky and their shade had slipped away. She was now lying out in the open, the sun beating down on her. She was hot and sweaty, the skin of her back sizzling under the midday sun.
"You'll burn. You need lotion."
Christian's voice from her other side made her lift her head and turn to peer at him. He sat, one hip perched on the edge of her lounge chair, and was still in only his swimming trunks, but now held a bottle of lotion in his hand. Opening the bottle, he squirted some into his palms and then let the bottle drop to the sand.
"Should I put some on for you?" he asked, rubbing his hands together to spread it over his fingers.
Carolyn opened her mouth to say no, she'd do it, but bit off the sound before it was even quite formed when he bent to run his hands over her back. The way he massaged the cream into her back and shoulders should have been soothing. She was pretty sure it would have been with anyone else, but it just wasn't with him. Her skin tingled everywhere his hands moved and rather than relaxing, she found herself growing tenser under his touch. Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and tried to force herself to relax, but it was impossible. Gay or not, he was a handsome, sexy guy and he smelled damned good.
"You're getting a tan line." He'd leaned forward to speak, his naked chest pressing warm and hard against her equally naked back and his breath soft against her ear.
"Shall I undo your bathing suit top?"
Carolyn blinked her eyes open with alarm at the suggestion, and then wondered with confusion when she'd removed her T-shirt and shorts to reveal the bathing suit she'd worn beneath. She'd been too self-conscious to do so when she'd first arrived, but now her clothes were gone, her bathing suit her only covering. A tug on the string at her back dragged her attention from this concern to another as her bathing suit top fell away to pool on the lounger on either side of her, leaving her back completely bare, and her sides exposed. It wasn't indecent or anything, her breasts were still squished beneath her on the lounger and hidden, but it made her feel oddly vulnerable, and then Christian bent forward to whisper in her ear again.
"Hai la pelle bella, cosi dolce." His voice was husky and soft, his hands running down her back, sliding toward her bathing suit bottom. "Ritiene buon sotto le mie barrette."
"Hmm?" Carolyn mumbled with confusion, not understanding what she presumed was Italian.
"You have beautiful skin, so sweet," he translated, his hands massaging and kneading her lower waist. "It feels good under my fingers."
Carolyn stilled with surprise, but bit her lip as his hands slid from her back to her sides. His palms were against her sides, but the tips of his fingers curved under her waist just above her bathing suit bottom and glided upward. She gasped when they brushed the bottom of her breasts, then the sides of them as his hands continued upward dragging his fingers along. Carolyn didn't breathe again until his hands slid back down.
She let out a small breath of relief as they moved to her waist again, but then Christian shifted and his hands skipped over her bathing suit bottom to find the flesh of her upper legs.
Surely he had to stop and get more lotion now, Carolyn thought, almost desperate for a moment without his hands on her. Her body was tingling everywhere he touched, but also in places he wasn't touching as his fingers cruised down to her calves and ankles. He then shifted both hands to her left leg for the upward journey, one hand strong and firm on the inside of her ankle, the other outside, his thumbs sliding up the back as his hands made their way up her calf.
Carolyn felt herself tensing. She didn't care if he was gay, there was just no way to lie still and unfeeling with his hands traveling over her body. She wanted to ask him to stop, but didn't think she could speak to save her soul as his hands moved toward the apex of her thighs. She was tightening like a wind-up clock, and Carolyn bit her lip almost hard enough to draw blood as she fought not to squirm.
Much to her relief, Christian paused just short of the top of her leg, and then his hands shifted to her other leg to travel slowly down that one. This time, however, on their upward journey he allowed them to ride all the way up, and her breath left her on a gasp as the hand on her inner leg brushed lightly against her bathing suit bottom between her legs.
"Christian," she choked out in protest as her body responded to the grazing touch, and then his hands were on her back again, sliding out from her spine to her sides.
Carolyn let her breath out slowly, her head turning to search the beach, widening when she saw they were now alone, the beach littered with nothing but empty lounge chairs. The sight confused her. Where had everyone gone? It was close to lunchtime, but surely they hadn't gotten up en masse to hit the restaurants?
"Such pale skin," Christian murmured as his fingers slid along her sides, moving upward. "So beautiful."
The words sounded by her ear, his breath hot on her already heated flesh, and she started to turn her head toward him and then froze as his tongue suddenly slid along the outer edge of her ear before he claimed the lobe with his lips.
"But you're gay," she choked out with confusion as he began to suck on the lobe, sending a new wave of tingles through her.
Hands pausing halfway up her sides, he released her lobe and growled, "No. I'm not," and then while she struggled to accept that, his lips drifted to her neck, nibbling and kissing, sending shudders rushing through her body as his hands continued up her sides again.
"Give me your lips," Christian whispered as his hands paused, the sides of them just grazing the undersides of her breasts.
"Christian, I don't think this is a good-"
Her words died on a gasp as his hands suddenly curved under her breasts. He squeezed gently, and then raised her away from the lounger so that he could reach and cover her mouth with his.
Carolyn moaned as his tongue slid past her lips, kissing her with the same passion she recalled from the night before when he'd seen her to the door. It drew the same shattering response from her body now, causing a small explosion of passion and need that poured over her like the sparks from fireworks. Moaning again deep in her throat, she twisted in his arms, her breasts slipping from his hands as she turned over.
Christian's mouth clung to hers and the second she was on her back, sliding her arms around his neck, his hands found her breasts again. His fingers closed over the tender flesh, squeezing and kneading, drawing gasps and moans from her in turn as his tongue thrust repeatedly into her mouth.
Carolyn had never experienced such passion. It seemed to be riding through her in waves that matched the rhythm of the ocean waves pounding on the shore, rushing over her one after the other, as tireless as the sea itself.
She moaned his name when his mouth left hers, then gasped when it dropped to her breast. He drew on the nipple, grazing it with his teeth and she groaned and writhed on the lounger. When his hand slid down and slipped between her legs, Carolyn cried out, her fingers clenching in his hair.
"Bella cara, moan for me," he whispered against her breast as his fingers began to caress her through the thin cloth... and Carolyn did moan, her entire body shuddering at the touch.
Lifting his head, Christian claimed her mouth once more, his lips moving over hers as his fingers stirred her passions. This time when his tongue thrust into her mouth, she let her own tongue move tentatively to join in the dance. When his mouth broke from hers again, she cried out in protest, but his fingers continued to stir her passions and he chuckled then nipped her ear, whispering, "Touch me."
Carolyn immediately pulled one hand from his head to obey, her fingers gliding down his chest, and then dropping to seek him out through his swimming trunks. She found him hard and-Carolyn stilled, her eyes popping open with surprise.
Christian paused and raised his head with concern.
"What is it, cara?"
"I... er... you're so big," she said with embarrassment.
He looked confused and shook his head. "No I'm not."
Carolyn stared at him with disbelief. "But Robert-"
"I am not Robert," he said solemnly, "And I assure you I am only on the high end of average, so if I seem so much bigger than he is, he must have had un pene molto molto piccolo."
Carolyn didn't ask him to translate. She suspected he'd just said something along the lines of Robert having had a piccolo for a penis or something, but frankly she didn't much care. Christian had suddenly removed his hand from between her legs. She was struggling to hide her disappointment, and regretting she'd said anything when she felt a sudden tug on the bathing suit tie at her hip.
Even as Carolyn glanced down, Christian was reaching to tug on the other tie. Her eyes shot back to his face and his mouth covered hers again, and then she felt his hand brushing aside the scrap of cloth that her bottom had become and replacing it with his hand.
Carolyn cried out into his mouth as his fingers dipped between her legs, finding and gliding over her warm, slick flesh. For a moment she was all sensation, and little in the way of thought, and one hand clenched desperately in his hair while the other tightened around his erection.
When she was rewarded with a groan from Christian and his caresses and kisses became more demanding, she immediately released him to find the bottom of his roomy trunks. She slid her hand up one leg to find him again without the cloth in the way and his flesh was hot, and even harder than it had been a moment ago. Carolyn began to move her fingers over him, eager to increase his pleasure.
Christian's response was most gratifying; he stilled for the count of a heartbeat, and then growled into her mouth, his tongue lashing her almost in punishment. But he also changed his caress, leaving his thumb to circle the nub of her excitement as he slid a finger inside her.
Carolyn's hips bucked and she arched on the lounger, crying his name as their kiss was broken. Christian continued what he was doing, but shifted his mouth to her nipple then, drawing it into his mouth and suckling hard until she released his erection and removed her hand to tug fretfully at his swim trunks. Much to her relief, he responded at once, his hands leaving her so that he could stand and quickly shed himself of his swimsuit. In the next moment, he was climbing on top of her, his knees urging hers apart.
Carolyn reached eagerly for him, her hands pulling his head down to hers once more as he settled between her thighs. He didn't enter her right away. While he claimed her lips and thrust his tongue into her mouth, he merely ground himself against her, his hardness rubbing firmly across the center of her excitement.
Carolyn moaned and wrapped her legs around him in response, her kiss becoming more desperate. Her hands dropped to clutch his behind, digging in with a demand that wouldn't be satisfied by such half-measures.
Still, Christian held back, his mouth devouring hers briefly before he suddenly thrust himself into her.
Carolyn tore her mouth away on a cry as he filled her, and then arched, little gasps coming from her lips as her body fought to accept an invasion it wasn't used to.
"Cara?" he asked uncertainly, not moving, and she blinked her eyes open. Seeing the concern on his face, she pulled his head back down. As she reclaimed his lips, her hips instinctively moved to urge him on and then he was moving again, his body withdrawing and then thrusting back into hers. His mouth caught her moans and cries as he drove them both to the edge of a precipice and then the ringing of a phone intruded, making her frown against his mouth.
"Ignore it," Christian gasped, thrusting into her again, but a second ring made Carolyn blink her eyes open and peer uncertainly around at what at first seemed an alien scene.
She was on her lounger on the beach as expected, but still in the shade. The beach was alive with laughing and chatting couples.
Her T-shirt and shorts were back in place over her swimsuit, her book lay flat on her stomach where it had apparently fallen when she'd dozed off, and Christian was reclining on the sand beside her chair. Even as she noted that, his eyes popped open and he lunged to his feet. In the next moment, he was running for the surf, apparently eager for a dip.
Carolyn stared after him, her brain slowly calming from its agitated state and accepting that it had all been a dream. Of course, it had been a dream. Only in her dreams would Christian be straight and interested in her.
The ring of the phone sounded again, and Carolyn glanced to her purse lying in the sand. Giving her head a shake to try to clear it, she leaned to the side, snagged the strap and dragged the purse closer. She then pulled it onto her lap and quickly dug inside to find her phone. It rang for the last time just before Carolyn hit the talk button, and then she pressed it to her ear to say, "Hello?"
"Caro?" Bethany said.
"Yes." She sat up, sending her book toppling to the sand. "Are you feeling better? Are you coming down to the beach?"
"No. I just wanted to check on you. I feel so bad about leaving you on your own."
"Don't worry about me," Carolyn said on a sigh. "I'll be fine. You're the sick one."
"Yes, well I do worry about you. I insisted on dragging you to St. Lucia and then, basically, abandoned you. I feel awful."
"Don't. You're sick. There's nothing you can do about that. But you'll be better in a couple of days and we'll still have loads of time to have fun."
"Right," Bethany murmured. "That band kid's not hanging around bothering you, is he?"
"I-no.
He's nowhere near me," Carolyn said, her eyes finding Christian as he swam steadily out to sea. It wasn't a lie, she told herself. Christian was nowhere near her at the moment.
"Good," Beth said firmly. "If he shows up, tell him to take a hike. You don't need to waste your vacation playing beard for another Brent."
No, because sitting around on her own in honeymoon hell was so much better, Carolyn thought, but merely murmured noncommittally. "Is there anything you want me to bring you when I come back?"
"Umm... well... if you wouldn't mind, could you stop at that little store across from the main building and see if they have any ginger ale?" Bethany asked. "And maybe some crackers? It will help settle my stomach."
"Of course," Carolyn said. "I'll bring them right up."
"No. Go ahead and have your lunch first. I can wait until you've eaten."
"All right," Carolyn murmured, recalling that Christian had said something about looking over pamphlets during lunch.
"And Carolyn?"
"Yeah?" She watched Christian turn and head inland again.
"Everything's going to be all right. If worse comes to worst we could always become lesbian lovers and grow old together. Who needs men anyway, right?"
"Right," Carolyn muttered, not finding their old joke remotely funny.
"Have fun. And don't rush back. Just enjoy the sand and surf. There's no hurry for the ginger ale and crackers.
I'm going to lie down and sleep awhile anyway."
"All right." Carolyn hung up, her gaze on Christian as he swam the last ten feet to shore. He was a very good swimmer, she noted absently, but if he was allergic to the sun, she didn't think he should probably be out there in the water.
She sank back on the lounge chair, thinking that Bethany's efforts to encourage her had had the opposite effect and she was now depressed. Or perhaps it was the fact that she had apparently taken to having wet dreams about her poor gay companion that was depressing her, Carolyn thought grimly. She almost felt like she should apologize to the poor man for dream-raping him.
Grimacing, she pushed her sunglasses more firmly up her nose, and watched Christian walk, dripping, out of the surf. He was a beautiful young man... and she couldn't help her dreams, she told herself. Besides, that dream sex had been hotter than anything she'd experienced in real life. It was also the most fun she'd had so far on this damned trip. And she was the only one who knew about it, so no one had been hurt by it. She just had to remind herself, firmly, that all it had been was a dream and that it would never happen in real life. Christian was gay, and that was that. He would never want her. Ever.
