I remember.
Is there some other reason you’re reluctant to go to Tennessee with me?
She hesitated, her chest tightening with an uncomfortable burn.
Shea?
I’m just confused. About us. What are we, Nathan? This whole situation has such a surreal quality. When it was just us, it was easy…
His brow furrowed. What was easy?
To pretend, she offered softly.
His gaze narrowed and a frown marred the line of his mouth. Exactly what are we pretending here?
She tried to ease away and sit back against the seat, but he hauled her over his lap so that her legs dangled in the seat between him and Swanny.
There was nowhere to go. No way to escape his burning gaze. He looked almost angry.
She sighed. It’s easy to pretend that we’re normal. That we have a chance at a normal…relationship. You know, go out on an actual date. You take me out to dinner. We make cutesy conversation. I try not to think about whether you’ll kiss me at the end of the night. I subtly check out your butt when you get up. Those are what normal people do. We don’t have a chance of any of those things. We don’t have a chance at a relationship.
She shook her head and rubbed her palm over her eyes. This whole conversation is ridiculous. I can’t even believe I’m saying this stuff. We don’t even know each other. It’s arrogant of me to even be telling you we don’t have a chance of anything. Who’s to say I’m anything more than an obligation to you?
As soon as she said it, she knew she’d made a huge mistake because suddenly she was being stared down by one big, pissed-off mass of seething male. His fury enveloped her. Oh yeah, he was angry.
He grasped her shoulders and hauled her toward him until there was no space between them and their breaths mingled hotly on her lips. His nostrils flared, and to her shock, he crushed his mouth to hers.
At first she was mortified that he was kissing her in front of Swanny and his brothers, but after only a moment she forgot everything but the feel of his lips against hers. The waves of emotion flooding her mind. He was angry, yes, but he was also frustrated. And worried.
He kissed her like he wanted to remove every bit of doubt crowding her mind. Like he was proving her wrong.
Then he gentled the forceful bruising of his mouth and stroked his tongue over hers, velvety rough and warm. His kiss turned from frustration and punishment to shivery seduction.
He slid his hands up her neck to delve into her hair even as he pulled her closer, impossibly close, until their tongues were tangled, mouths sealed, and her nostrils flared with the effort to take in air.
He stroked again with his tongue and then withdrew only to nip at her bottom lip, sucking it strongly into his mouth. He nibbled and toyed and then slid his tongue sensuously over the area where he’d bitten as if to soothe. When he finally drew away, his breaths were harsh explosions in the confines of the backseat, and his eyes were dark, nearly black, as he stared back at her.
You look at me and tell me you think you’re some goddamn obligation to me. You look at me and tell me that we’re pretending when the connection between us is the most tangible, overpowering thing I’ve ever felt in my life. If this is pretending, then I damn sure don’t want to know what reality is. Do you honest to God think I swooped in for a quick lay and to repay some debt to you and that I’ll go on my merry way once you and your sister are safe again?
She dropped her gaze as heat flooded her cheeks. The fury in his voice, the hurt evident in his tone, shamed her.
Goddamn it, Shea, you mean everything to me. You mean more to me than I have the words to explain. Is it normal? Who gives a damn if it’s normal? Fuck normal. You and I will never be normal people. If normal means I’m not with you, then I never want to be that man.
He nudged her chin upward as he said the last. Tears filled her eyes and then she threw her arms around his neck, holding him so tight as her body shook against his.
Oh God, his words scared her and filled her with such hope and longing all at the same time. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to let herself believe in the fantasy she’d built in her mind.
He tugged her gently away from his neck and kissed her softly on the cheek where it was damp with her tears. He stroked through her hair, all the while staring at her with so much…love…oh God, love.
We may not have the most conventional path that a couple has ever traveled to get together, but you’re here and I’m damn well not letting you go. And I don’t give a damn who knows it.
She leaned her forehead against his again and touched his cheeks with her fingertips. I want that too, Nathan. I swear to you I want it. I’m just so afraid that we’ll never have it. I’m afraid of what I’ve done by dragging you into this mess. I’m afraid of what it’s done for any chance that you and I have of being together.
He lifted the hair from her neck and let the strands run through his fingers as they stared at each other, so close that she could feel the light brush of air when he blinked.
Trust me, Shea. We’ll find a way. I need you to believe that. We aren’t alone. I have my family behind me and I’m in front of you. Always. I’ll protect you with my life because you are my life. If that sounds dramatic, fuck it. You’ve been mine since the day you answered me in my darkest hour. You heard me when no one else did or could. You reached out to me. You saved me. We have an unbreakable bond forged in the fires of hell. I won’t allow anything or anyone to come between us.
I trust you, Nathan.
But do you believe me? Do you really believe everything I’ve just said to you? Damn it, Shea, I’ve just gutted myself in front of you. I’ve made myself as vulnerable as a man can make himself to a woman. It’s the same as if I just handed you a knife and offered you my balls, for God’s sake. And I don’t even give a fuck. Because I have no pride when it comes to you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do or say to make you understand that I love you. I fucking love you. There, I said it. Do you believe me now?
He sounded so pissed off and angry that the admission had been torn from him that she had to battle the smile forming on her lips.
They’d held the link between them for so long now that fatigue and weakness crept over her shoulders until they sagged. She still wasn’t back to full strength and she was tired and worried. Holding the link even for this long was taking a toll, but she battled fiercely, because this was more important than anything else.
Her lips trembled. Her fingers splayed out over his face, and she kissed him gently on the mouth. Panic scuttled around her chest and down into her stomach, but how could she not lay bare her soul? Just as Nathan had just done for her.
I believe you. The words whispered from her mind into his, and she could feel her energy fading as she fought to control the pathway. She took a deep breath and took the plunge. How could she not when he’d done the same? I love you too, Nathan. So much. It scares the hell out of me. I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you.
She felt his relief so stark, so powerful that it flooded her on all levels, overwhelming her with the sheer intensity of his emotions.
“Thank God,” he muttered aloud.
She let her head slide down to his shoulder, and she pressed her face into his neck, so weary and exhausted. Weak from maintaining the intense flow of communication between them.
He gathered her in his arms and cursed softly under his breath.
“I forget what it does to you,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” she said drowsily. “I wouldn’t trade those words for anything.”
He pulled a hand through the strands of her hair, gently stroking her as he pulled her even closer into his body. “No,” he said quietly. “Neither would I.”
CHAPTER 29
THEY drove straight through, stopping only for gas. Nathan held Shea close to him, reluctant to even let her sit next to him in the seat. She slept off and on, sometimes stirring and raising her head, her sleepy gaze staring out the window, her brow wrinkled in consternation. He’d soothe her, kiss her and then lower her back to his chest with a soft admonishment to rest.
He loved the way she melted into his arms. He could feel his brothers and Swanny watching him at intervals, but he tuned them out and focused on Shea.
She was tucked trustingly in his arms, her head nestled just below his chin. It was a testament to just how worn out she was that, apart from the few times she woke to ask where they were, she slept.
As they drove through Paris and neared Kentucky Lake, Nathan’s gut knotted. The convoy of SUVs crossed over the bridge in the early hours of the morning. The water below was inky black, reflecting nothing of the starless sky above.
Shea stirred and raised her head, this time not looking anywhere but into his eyes. She touched his mind, a brush of warmth and comfort. His unease had disturbed her sleep and now she sought to soothe it.
“We’re almost there.”
She tensed and this time it was her unease that bit at him and not his own. She glanced over at Swanny, who sat staring straight ahead as if she and Nathan weren’t even present.
“Stop worrying,” Nathan murmured.
She eased to the side and made an awkward attempt at stretching. She’d only gotten out of the SUV once in the last twelve hours when she’d gone to the bathroom during a refuel. He rubbed her back and slid his hand up to massage her neck when she arched again.
They turned off the highway paralleling the lake, and Sam punched the button to open the security gate leading into the Kelly compound. It was cloaked in darkness, but Shea still edged forward, her gaze trying to take in their surroundings.
Sam parked in front of the imposing building that housed the war room. On either side, more SUVs pulled in and the team members began piling out.
Nathan opened the door but motioned for Shea to stay put. He stood, framed behind the open door, and stared over the top at Sam.
“What’s the plan? Where do you want Shea?”
“How is she?” Sam asked in a low voice.
“More rested than she was. I think she’s doing fine.”
Sam glanced at the others as Donovan keyed the code to open the doors and then back at Nathan. “For now, bring her in. Van wants to go over the surveillance you sent him. We could use her eyes. Afterward you can bring her to my house. You and she can stay with me and Sophie. Or if you prefer, one of the others. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.”
Joe came to stand beside the SUV where Nathan and Sam were conversing. “They can stay with me and Donovan for
now.”
The statement was more of a command than anything else. Nathan had split his time between his own homesite and the house he shared with Joe and Donovan. Referred to as the bachelor pad by the rest of the family, since they were the only brothers still single.
Sam, Garrett and Ethan had constructed their homes—or rather Sam’s was the only one completely finished. Ethan’s was close to completion, but he and Rachel still lived in their original house outside the compound until the new house was move-in ready.
Garrett and Sarah had only just moved into their home before Rusty’s graduation and Nathan’s sudden departure. The couple would marry soon, provided Nathan could stop interfering in their plans. The thought made him grimace. He liked Sarah a lot. She was tough. A lot like his other sisters-in-law, Sophie and Rachel. He wanted her to be happy and settled.
But now he wanted the same for himself and Shea.
Sam shrugged. “Whatever Nathan feels is best.”
Joe glanced questioningly at his brother and slowly Nathan nodded.
“Let’s get Shea inside,” Sam said.
Nathan, who’d been shielding Shea from the outside, turned and ducked so he could see into the SUV. He held out his hand and her palm slid over his as their fingers twined. He helped her out and wrapped his arm around her shoulders until she found her footing.
They followed Sam inside the KGI headquarters, where the others were waiting. Donovan was busy on the computer while the others were seated in front of the large LCD screen mounted on the wall. He looked up as Nathan and Shea entered and motioned them over.
“I’m downloading the footage now. I want you to watch carefully, Shea. Let me know if you need me to freeze-frame. Or if you want to go over something again. Don’t worry about absorbing it all at once. I understand this will be upsetting for you. Take your time. And mention anything, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. We’ll talk it out, okay?”
Shea flashed Donovan a grateful smile, and Nathan nodded his own thanks in his brother’s direction for handling Shea so gently and showing her so much understanding.
She left his side to take a seat not far from where Donovan stood by the computer. Nathan followed behind and then simply plucked her up and settled her onto his lap. She glanced quickly to the others, but he leaned her back against his chest, a clear message to her that he didn’t give a fuck who saw what.
She was his. He didn’t give a damn who knew it, what they thought, and he wanted her to know that.
